Vippassana Reatreat/Workshop

I had no idea what I as getting into, it was rough. I still haven't recovered after 2 weeks. It changed mylife for sure, and my mindset. I will write a lot more when i have chance, but imagine hat all your thoughts are technically judgements on past experiences, and you can analyze and difuse all those thoughts in moments. Once you get to the point of acclimation, it feels so peaceful! More soon.

Time to Check back IN!

 

Melanie in Alaska....

I didn't write down much about this trip yet, It's been a very long time since I have written anything on this blog. 

The COVID blog was for a coaching class that didn't seem to fit for me, but lesson learned. Time for me to FOCUS on getting back to this beautiful state. 

MElanie, signing in again! Postings to follow. 

A COVID Life - This is the End

 

This is the last of my required entries. I will likely continue to post here on this blog, as its been therapeutic. 

I have learned a lot this year! One of them being, you have to find creative ways to stay motivated when you are in a pandemic. I haven't exhausted them all yet. 

Pleasure being a part of this group and looking forward to seeing all the success it has brought to us. 

A COVID LIFE - Creativity - Drawing - ART!

Today is only art. Things that I have pulled out of my swirly creative mind into colors and content. 

These images are a bit of a collection from a journaling class that started in March 2020, the beginning of lock down. I didn’t know what else to do with my time and signed up for an Art Journaling class. This proved to serve me well in the beginning. But consequently, it took my curiosity on a wild ride of online lessons regarding the software I use currently for work, so the journaling got left in the dust.

The following images are from a series of classes that were centered around archetypes and feelings. 

ANGER

.

This one is ... a spiraling chaos with a name, I don’t like anger. Its not my thing. I fear the rage that exits my mind when it rises in me, so this is something I will revisit over and over again to release the pressure. LIke when I think about the disregard of the POTUS around all the deaths and disease ..etc

THE MYSTIC - MEDICINE WOMAN

.

This archetype is more a picture of my soul. Where I typically reside, although I may appear to be something else in the social scheme, this is a momentary capture of a consistent fluctuation. My spirit is definitely animal based, and oddly brings me a connected feeling to the planet. 

JOY

Ok. So many people will look at this and NOT feel joy. BUT my ADHD mind finds this oddly soothing and happy. The consistency of it, the method used to create it allowed a very peaceful hour in my life. It makes me think of music, lights, love, and culture. It reminds me of my time living in big cities! I have done many of this style. To me? This is like looking at a picket fence... Homey, and familiar.  

I hope you enjoyed this little display of a few things pulled from the mind of me.

Its sometimes a bit scary to show off what lurks in the shadows of a creative mind, but thats part of the beauty of life. Knowing your vision may inspire others to allow their inner sanctum to be transparent and stated, ultimately leading to a confidence that can only come from ourselves. 

ALL ORIGINAL WORK OWNED AND COPYRIGHTED 2020

Melanie Mitchell 

A COVID LIFE - Creative Endeavors

 A COVID LIFE - Creative Endeavors

Who am I? I am a creative, an artist, it is my core self. It's my core operating system. I am inherently incapable of consistent linear thinking. It's a brain, DNA thing. I attempt, write, and analyze but this has to be done in spurts, which is why my blog is stagnant. I haven't entered art that I have been doing during COVID. 

Art for clients is GREAT! I love being paid for using my talents, but art for myself seems to sit on the back burner. I have decided to incorporate that into my blog... What does art mean to me? What does it represent? How do I use my creative talents for myself? 

Cooking, sewing, writing bad poetry, taking pictures, makeup, painting, doing digital art, creating oracle cards, and more! I have been art journaling since lockdown and some amazing things have come out of it. This is all on a purely personal level, but it lifted my spirits time and time again. This action of personal expression has given me insight into what was lost through the constant distraction of creating art for 'others' (clients friends, etc.). 

My post this week is a hand-drawn logo client. I was actually amazed that the client was so thrilled with the final outcome. A heartfelt reminder that I am an artist, always have been. Embracing more of that in my personal time needs to be a priority moving forward. 

This is the art that I have done for myself recently. An emotion that has come up time and again around our election and the way the disease has been handled in America. 

Expressing our inner selves is cathartic. It's necessary. It's needed. It's healthy. Also, be aware that we are ALL creative in our own ways, and explore how to do more of that. It gives us hope and helps to keep love alive inside of us. Now go grab a pencil and a piece of paper and draw. <3 

A COVID Life - Interruptions and Zoom Etiquette

INTERRUPTIONS!

They happen! Today, during a very important zoom presentation, the inevitable happened... KNOCK KNOCK - Property Management team here to check on your Property! My level of frustration exploded like a volcano, but when the middle of explaining your expertise to a client, you have to roll with it and watch what you say. 

But wait, there is more! You may see cartwheels behind you (TY Abbeys Daughter), the SNACK visits (from my son), the dogs barking, the cats who are ALWAYS curious, or a roommate/partner that tries to desperately distract you with some sexy gaze, the guys outside your window cutting down a tree, or even the neighbors wailing baby who just wasn't having any of it.  

Interruptions happen, and actually are inevitable (and honestly sometimes a saving grace). 

How do you handle these situations? There are multiple ways we have to get around the daily interruptions when working from home. Online meetings are so GREAT but they can provide unique challenges we must navigate despite having clear boundaries, life isn't perfect. (thankfully). 

After experiencing most of these, I wanted to share a few tips that I have learned about Zoom Etiquette:

1. Don't over-explain - Life happens, people. Even professionals that do live filming have times when they are put in awkward situations (we have seen the YouTube clips, we know). Mute your mic, turn off the video and deal with it.

2. Roll with the situation - IF you can't go off-camera during this minor delay, acknowledge the occurrence, and if you are witty enough, make a relevant comment and then keep going!

3. KEEP GOING! - Get back on topic as quickly as possible. Don't allow self-doubt or frustration to derail your awesomeness. 

4. PRACTICE Ahead of time - If you have the opportunity to do so, practice ahead of time, just in case. You never know if what will happen, and if prepared, it will be easier to get back to the topic. 

5. Exude Confidence - A healthy dose of self-confidence is always the best presentation outfit. Wear something that makes you feel confident if need be (as long as it's appropriate and can be worn in public too.)

6: What's behind you matters - Backgrounds matter. NO matter what people say? They do. Sometimes people will be so distracted by what's behind you, they forget to listen. Spend a wee bit of time making sure you are satisfied with your surroundings. 

7. Record Yourself - spend some time recording your own videos to see what others are seeing on screen. How do you look? How do you sound? make notes and do it again. 

8. Most of all? Just be You - Be the best version of yourself in a transparent matter, because this will reflect your energy into your message, and your passion is more likely to come to life if you feel comfortable. 

Explore all these options and try a few of your own to see what fits into your wheelhouse. Try to make it a habit, no matter who you are on screen with! You may think that just chatting with friends this would not be as important. BUT the more you make a ritual out of doing things consciously, the easier it will be when you are surprised by an unwanted guest or knock of any kind. 

And you will be ZOOM-tastic! Guaranteed. 

A COVID Life - Down to the Wire

I have been spending months educating myself on the process, dealings, learning, skill sets, etc. As a result, my feeds are filled with auto-generating ads. Learn this, grow here, don't get left behind! I have been excited and put in hours of class time across various platforms, and coaching fields. This week finally getting my question full front, "What do I really want to do?" draw.. relax... draw more... write poetry, inspire people, and feel a part of a team.

There is a real sense of achievement when you know you are going to have others to be there growing with you. Doing things alone is great, but when you have goals or deadlines, and a team around you to share the whines, woes, and wins, that makes it so much more alive. 

What team am I a part of? I have multiple clients that are friends, and clients that aren't on a personal level. The nice thing about personal clients, you are feeding your community. They feed you and you feed them back. But sometimes it gets stagnant and you can't be the voice they need you to be when decision times come around. This is where I am trying to branch out. 

My years of experience have brought me through so many different clientele, that I feel I'm ready for almost any client's needs. But do I present that with confidence? What holds me back? Why am I waiting until the last minute to be brave? Or until things seem like I am not forceful enough to complete the tasks?

Me. That's what! How is it that I am not screaming my skillset in a larger setting? This pattern isn't about failure. This pattern is about self-awareness and thinking I need to 'fit the mold' of what the others may be offering. COVID life has left me feeling isolated, and all my contacts are online. Which is great, but it's only half of the needs. And living with a child that is completely self-isolating is a rough bit too.

This week I have felt the pressure of this pandemic lifestyle, thinking, I seem to keep running but not getting to the finish line. I feel like I am distracting myself with this lack of clarity, and putting off the work of combining and writing out my plan. Learning is amazing, and it's necessary. But action is energy and moves things forward.

I just joined a womens group to help me find some words and feelings around fixing and aligning what I want! The encouragement of the day? Dare to be yourself. Dare to put it out there. Dare to be seen for what you can do. Dare to brave out the unknown. Dare to trust. Dare to live outside of what is seen. Dare to run with a larger more experienced crowd. 

Down to the wire? Yes I feel this is the day when I can bring this experience to people in a voice that is unique to me, and also, helps others see their products, or visions in a way thats unique for them. 

But since its Friday? Maybe I will use my newly acquired pens and markers to draw out my plans. Visually. 

A COVID Life - PSA

There have been days during the COVID Life where the conversation between me and the computer has been overly animated... or the router, or the tape dispenser... you get the idea. Working on my stress management with inanimate object dialogue, but what if?

This isn't the first time I have mentioned this during the COVID pandemic either.  The use of my time in critiquing the 'shows' I watch is not well spent, and practice in dialogue rewrites which actually could pan out in real-time conversations with potential clients. (or so I tell myself). 

Presenting your ideas to those that are wanting to know what your service offerings are is definitely an art that organically shifts landscapes from client to client, even in a niche field. The communication needs of each vary depending upon their environmental experience, education, and years in business. Whether the client knows what they want from a creative, or even HOW to get what they want from a creative!

I am actively cultivating a services list based on my experience. A term that is becoming more familiar now as 'productized services'. The goal is to try to create a full agency feeling from a single entity freelance business. This hopefully will lead to partnering with support people that are of equal experience who can help balance out your weaker sides. But how to even get started still comes from a 'conversation', an engagement of words. 

I have been a freelancer for quite some time but as a sole designer, production, and admin. This brought around a certain amount of exhaustion, and that lead me to the desire to find an easier more linear way to do my business. 

Someone I work with sent me an email saying, "Someone else here is seeking out a similar partner situation as you! Are you interested in meeting them?" 

This lead to a very lovely but initially awkward meeting with someone that I hope to partner with. After the 'let's get to know each other' part, we got on the same page. Learning to navigate situations like this will require consistent 3 party conversations. I hope to not get stuck in what I feel I know, and what I still have to learn around the business, sharing a creative space where we both have a say that can balance the requirements. 

Thankfully the tech world is a beautiful thing and it keeps us connected in lockdown refining these skills and practicing on your inanimate objects because technically it's all atoms anyway. Eventually, the exact right grouping will lead to a successful culmination and presentation. So in a more abstract and not solid form way, I hope this regrouping of energy leads us to bring visually appealing and market-savvy solutions for people's businesses, including our own.  

I have huge gratitude for all the atoms that have supported me during COVID!!! or been there to stub my toe, or let me sleep on them.. or... hahaha

Thankfully its Friday. Time to accomplish some downtime. 

A COVID LIfe - Graphic Artist Woahs... and WINS!

 

A client asked me the other day if being a good designer is something you are born with or is it learned. It was a very lovely conversation that I love having. Of course, you are born with it. Anyone can learn the skill, and it's getting much easier now with prepared templates and graphics everywhere. But a designer's eye will catch what you miss. 

It's hard to say what will catch everyone's eye because now everyone can be their own designer. We have access to so many free templates and software, that we forget designers are trained to do this and have years of experience. Plus they design while they are sleeping, eating waking, etc. We observe the world around us in a symmetrical sense and apply this perspective to all our creative endeavors.

And, in an age where EVERYONE has a style and/or opinion, their attitudes land with a very entitled perspective. Trying to maintain a professional perspective is the way to approach any situation, as they are the client with the budget and money to spend. But it leads to an "I know what looks better than you." response to many many many jobs I do. Sadly half of the work I do, will not end up in my portfolio for that very reason. 

This week alone, I have had two clients come to me that wanted a 'redesign' from hiring someone that didn't know what they are doing, so that's a huge bonus having clients that know you can 'fix it'. But is that my target market? NOt a huge moneymaker but fun to see happy clients no matter where you get them from. 

Thankfully, I am pulling in clients during COVID life that are starting fresh in an online business, or putting their current business on a digital platform. Its blissfully forced me to rethink my own presentation, and I will be hiring out to have a 'designer' do that for me, because just like the cobblers kids who have no shoes, I consistently put my website on the back burner. 

This COVID life has awoken me to my flaws in business, my assets, and my needs. I have come to learn that when presenting yourself as a designer to new clients, you cherry-pick a limited portfolio that reflects the specific clients 'outlook'. This seems to sell better than blanketing all your work in front of them. It also allows them to feel a more streamlined approach to working with you. 

So, be wary of your boundaries, know what you can and can not offer before saying yes, and have some really finite boundaries on your time! As designers, we all get lost in the design process, because it is so fun, and sometimes this fun leads to ideas for other projects, but you don't want to be left overworking yourself, and losing some clients that are willing to allow you to be the boss.

What we know is a valuable asset. What we sell is a vision. What others gain from our work is an Audience. Make sure the ticket price fits the amount of sweat you put into it. 

A COVID LIFE - I am a Client

As I am working through my steps to upgrading my business offerings, I came to a very valid revelation! I am a CLIENT!

I have been a freelancer since 2011, when the ‘final straw’ was placed into the camels back and I was set free to ramble on my own creative path.

I am thankful to have such a life as a single mother I could make my own hours, and have time for my child. Consequently, a large part of my energy was spent focusing on the needs of others, and creating a proper business profile was on the back burner. This conditioning created a work ethic that was prevalent for a few years. A survivalist mode that kept me running and jumping at everyones request, no matter my personal needs. Peace of mind for clients, family and friends was the MO. 

With COVID slowing everyone down for business, I found the opportunity to dive into my desires of upgrading my skill set and buckling down to create a well rounded professional services business. This lockdown provided the freedom to develop a plan, focus on my ‘wants’, and start educating myself to the industry changes. My chance to be seen in a more professional and authoritative light. 

That being said, there is still a lingering “knee jerk response” to my clients demands even when I am in the middle working on building my business. But today, knowing I am on a personal deadline, I realized something important. I even said out loud, “I am a CLIENT!!” I proceeded to allow myself to feel that internally and demand that as a boundary to hold tight. I can arrange client work and include myself in that schedule, and relieve the energetic disruption of ‘client first’ because I am one.

AND understanding that we each want to have more comfortable and adult experiences with clients, this is a necessary action for my sanity. It will also benefit my clients because I am showing a level of respect to my brand by creating and continually updating a platform that is trust worthy, helpful and authoritative. With the ultimate goal of continuing to grow nurturing and responsive business relationships that bring added value to the world with integrity. 

So, I am not really a Verruca Salt but, I am my own client! I will stomp my little flip flops down the road to making that a permanent goal for myself. 

I am so grateful for all those that have administered assistance to me in gaining and growing knowledge. I intend to spread that around as I grow as well. 

A COVID life - Shower Epiphanies

Today the GREATEST idea in the shower. now I am out and BAM its gone. vanished. YIKES!!!

I hope it's retrieved later in the day but seriously, I needed a solution!! What can I do to stop THAT from happening to my aging brain!? I searched for an answer and found... Aqua Notes; the resolution. And I felt vindicated, and also one step nearer answers of how to organize my free-range creative thoughts. 

So, in tangent with this shower epiphany, I realize that EVERYTHING can be available to you and if it's not? You create it and offer it to others. Leading me to, the question phase, what is my contribution? How do I realize it? Also, if its already being done, how do I do this differently?

Ultimately I am a creative. My mindset is DNA based on 'creating' or manifesting the dreams of my clients in a visual form. Easy right? It can be. 

The real-life work experience has been so varied. I have been a chef, bartender, pool maintenance, manager, caregiver, ad manager, sales - retail, multilevel marketing, and B2B, Artist, back up singer, pirate (no wait... previous lifetime)... an intuitive, but the main drive for me since childhood has been in creativity; video, web design/work, writing, graphic art, and fine art.  I am the "Jack of all" trades looking to master just one, which seems like a perfect resolution. 

The answer is finding the voice that resonates with my clients. Writing it out and lining up the needs of the masses while aligning myself with those needs. Productively. Having these talents and experiences more streamlined is the most appealing road that can be traveled.

So with this in mind, I align myself to those that have greater experiences with FOCUS!!!! Learning and providing solutions to my own needs. Listing out my services, and seeking some support through finding answers with admin and self-generating procedures, which is challenging to focus on for an intuitive/creative person! 

But just like with the Aqua-Notes, my solutions will be simple and straight forward. I will acquire this team to help my dream of helping others be more creative or realize their creative needs. And allow the epiphanies to keep on rolling into my life. 

With structure. 

A Covid Life - The Avocado Timing

I FEEL OVERWHELMED. Growing or evolving my business daily during this digitally explosive time has been overwhelming. 

Every lead ad in my social feeds makes me think I am missing something, leaving cash on the table, or worse than that just a failure in general because I am not doing 'all the things'. 

As a seasoned freelance artist, my client roster is healthy. I am gradually taking on the opportunities while I navigate the workflow increase. As a creature of habit, learning new ways to absorb and delegate is challenging for me. Thankfully, I find support because I seek it. Education has been a part of that process as well which is a blessing but also eats up a good chunk of my work time. So overall, my brain is overwhelmed by what-ifs, am I doing this right, and OMG!

For some reason, all this leads me to think about the ripening stages of avocados and comparing them to my business opportunities. Avocados specifically take time to mature and do it at varying stages which is beneficial because they become a daily gift to us in our diets. I have a friend who owns a ranch, which contains lemon, orange, and avocado groves. I regularly go to her ranch and get avocados because, during a COVID life, I continue to support my local businesses.  Part of my daily routine is to test the avocados for ripeness. The day avocado is ripe is the best time for it to do its job. Nourish you and make you feel satisfied that its life has become part of yours. Enhancing my life in ways that I have yet to realize.

So what avocados do you have lined up? Are you paying attention to which ones are ripe now and which may take time? You don't need to focus on all the avocados at once, just take each opportunity with patience and wait for the perfect time to assimilate it into your business flow. Then digest these opportunities at the time that they fit perfectly with your progress. Yum Yum! 

There is only one way to eat an elephant, 

a bite at a time.

Desmond Tutu

Ok, now I am hungry for more. Happy WEEKEND!! Let's get to picking!

A COVID Life - Obstacles by Choice

This has become a question I ask before saying yes to any new project. Away from the old regime of handling business and heading into the new has been my primary focus since lockdown in March 2020.

Methods? Wake up, see the wall, dismantle the wall sounds simple. A black and white methodology for accomplishing business. Right? But then your mind gets distracted by emotions, and choices start presenting themselves in a combination that adds a LOT of greys. Time to restructure and explore.

During COVID 19 being in lockdown, this life inside walls has reduced our free-range human wanderings. It has also presented to us silver linings... Confinement, Confusion = Creation. My pure creativity is something I have neglected when distracted by my preCOVID life. Last on the list by choice. 

We have an increased amount of screen time, internet, and social media, I began to notice a rise in images of personal creations by friends and strangers. Choosing to find creative ways to pass the time, ie; the food they made, or clothes, paintings, beauty tips, intuitive, churches, engineers, woodworkers, local artisans, et.al. I became inspired!

As a professional (cough cough) artist, I  felt a surge of the need to update my skillset and now was the time to accomplish it! A few years ago, I began watching Behance (Adobes Learning platform). This choice was to observe work by other designers, also to gather intel. How far behind was I? I chose not to focus on that. 

As we went into shutdown, the choice was removed. The majority of business has relocated to a digital platform. I am in that world, time to beef up. YIKES!! My requirements to educate and assimilate escalated quickly. Thankfully this obstacle was capable of being circumvented!

In I went, accessing LinkedIn, Behance, YouTubers, and the list of my online webinars and is deep. BUT is this a distraction? or an asset? Most often I feel like I go down the rabbit hole of information and gather data that is just put in storage, but is that a good use of my time? What was that choice assisting me with?

I had an epiphany moment in one of my ramblings with my current business coach. I realized how many obstacles I present myself in order to keep from accomplishing things in life. Presented with a nifty planner, and my trusty graph paper moleskin made this transition easier to choose because I was armed with tools that made me smile when I held them. 

One of my first entries during my new business model is to remind myself that I can choose which task is next! Suggestions from the coaches in my life;
• Schedule it out, know when you are available mind and heart for whatever choice you are making
• Live your life by your personal rhythm which will only enhance the use of your skills in your business.
• Opportunites are everywhere, be open to what you may not think possible.

All the choices we have made in this life are leading us to opportunity or in a direction that may distract you!!! 

A COVID Life - Episode 2 - Distance Learning

THREE WEEKS UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS: Distance Learning. 

So where were you when the pandemic struck you as 'reality'? Mine was the message, 'We are sending the kids home. No more in-class education." As a freelancer, self-employed single mother, I sort of sank. "Hello, homeschooling - goodbye budget and peaceful working from home." 

Energetically its a drain, because the hours I was able to work, became a myriad of multitasking. Instead of admin work, I am doing more cooking, cleaning, or spending time as a Sargent, in addition, twice the domestic work! And those of you lucky enough to have another sibling to distract the child, just remember to be thankful.  

To be fair, I am not a freelancer by choice, but so very grateful to be so at this point in life. The decision was a result of undesirable employment in the corporate world, having ADHD, and knowing what my visions meant were for me to break out and use my unique perspective to help others. 

And even though my initial thought of a shut down was "ugg", I now see it as a bonus we are both learning from home. The release from a mandated schedule, including my son's need for transportation to and from the school, has truly benefited my intellectual property. His academic courses following the shut down started around 10 am at the earliest. As an ADHD teenage male who sleeps in as LONG as possible, the later start time provided a more engaged interest in his classes. In turn, this provided me more time to learn or work in the early morning before the rise and shine of the sole heir of our small kingdom! Another added bonus is this will also benefit my clients because I am learning technology on a pc (son) and updating my skillset (an Adobe Junkie). I have absorbed so much knowledge that I was unaware of until my clever child started asking me, searching, and then sharing the solutions on his own. BONUS results - these interactions have also lead us into more intellectual conversations. In the long run, I am hoping this will transition into a semi-working relationship collaborating on video editing and YouTube productions. 

And now, heading into the six-month extension of a pandemic world, we will have a new registration routine, and distance learning continues. I am hoping for a more rigid school schedule moving forward so we can have some sort of routine, and chore list updated to the level of his capabilities. Personal financial planning is going to be a part of our education levels this year, as he enters his senior year of High School. 

Isn't it amazing that a total shut down has given so much to some and taken away so much from others? We all are juggling the reality of staying safe, keeping our families together through technology, finding matching masks to any outfit, and learning new ways to conduct our business or work routines. Don't forget in order to grow, somethings have to die, be trimmed off and make way for you to feed the new tributaries.. you know like plants. Let go of what you think things should 'be like' and let them be what they are changing into. 

Today's encouraging story comes from my own child: He is currently a part-time dog walker. Fun right? I got a call from him during one of his walks. 

Mom: "Are you ok?"

Son: " Mom I need your help."

Mom: "ARE YOU OK??"

Son: "MOM, YES. This woman fell out of her wheelchair!"

Mom: "Did you try to pick her up?"

Son: "Mom, I can't do it myself. The dog runs if I let him go."

Mom: "I am on my way."

I arrived with the dog's owner, she held the animal, We lifted the very confused woman into her chair. She wasn't hurt and in a very safe neighborhood two blocks from the hospital. She had money and water and her desire was to scoot to her next destination. The kid was halfway through his walk and said, "I will meet you at home!"

If my son is an indicator of what people can do in a pandemic despite the fear of infection, I think we are gonna survive this thing JUST fine. Staying strong and adapting your life, business, and attitude knowing that anything is possible - and if you need help just ask for it. 

MM-2020

A COVID LIFE - Begins

Monday, I was on the phone with a friend, or was it Wednesday? I actually think it was Tuesday.  Sigh. Without a rigid work or school schedule, it's difficult to keep track of during COVID. I reached out to discuss some thoughts with her about a situation I am navigating. During my voice mail, I stated, "This is a result of living 'A COVID Life'." Then I started pondering, "What does that mean? How much has it altered or shown up with work and in my personal life? Should I document it via my own voice and art?" As a result, this series was coined... "A COVID Life" - a biweekly or even daily account of my life during COVID 19 times. 

The idea hasn't been completely fettered out, but it will contain random stories from my neighborhood, around the country, around the world, and largely, my own free-range weirdness. Images taken during these times of how we cope will also be included. Images I gather from online I feel that give us insight into what is happening. And some personal art of mine, that may define how I see and perceive the changes. Of course, we will be wanting to hear what people say and how others are coping.

Overall this is a historical common man/woman collection of this huge paradigm shift we are the middle of, and the new ways we are learning to socialize, work, educate, and live! (ZOOM ZOOM!!!)

Episode One: Noticing a personal, random, and terrifying reality.

The actor walked across the scene, and as I watched this, he stated something like, 'Let's go inside.' Upon which I added, "We need to be sexy in another location." This is one of those aha moments when you say, to yourself,  "OMG! I said that out loud? What am I doing with my life?"  Obviously, I am ANNOYED (and amused) at the amount of time I talk to inanimate objects, and/or the films and various series I am watching while in quarantine. It's a bit terrifying to be laughing at myself more than getting freaked out by this. 

It is almost like I have come to the 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' portion of my life being so bored by bad scripting and dialogue that is prevalent in American film/tv, I verbally rewrite the active dialogue. And technically I am NOT a writer for a living, but who knows? This is could be the start of a whole new career for me! I think I need a robot. 

~ Stay tuned to "A COVID Life" for more.~

Medicine woman

MEDICINE WOMAN

goddess

maven

mermaid

witch

warrior

alchemist

I am mother earth

a medicine woman

making multiple connections

through air, water, earth, and spirit

I am the healing presence

A network that has many veins

Without fanfare or malice

intention placed on just being

I live this balance consistently

To breath in and absorb existence

Becoming, creating, connecting

fibers are woven above and below

the heart is the core

driven by an infinite power

easily damaged, easily repaired

protected and supported in a network

we are molded together

finding zen in a creative process

Focus on what matters

Healing

Giving

Receiving

Expanding

Growing. 

mm © 2020

For my art journaling class... needs some work still. 

Persecution

If you grow up under constant scrutiny, found guilty even if you aren't, persecuted just for being who you are, how could you not be conditioned to feel or react in defensive ways? It's no question that you would have suspicion or hate. Its given you would follow as your community collaborates, feeling union with needs that are required to exit this state of hate and persecution! The needs required to balance the scales and become equally placed within the world community. This situation is not a threat, its an opportunity. An opportunity to listen, learn and educate yourself to the pain you aren't suffering, but witness daily. No matter what you feel about who you could be... its always good to see yourself through the eyes of others, and keep refining what your goals are towards true enlightenment. 

Unconditional truths and love are what we require to heal any relations issues. Understanding the energy and terroristic lifestyle that maybe another's path to climb to their peace. We are here to hold each other's hands in this cruel world, not slap them away because it's inconvenient or we are uncomfortable. We are not the judges, we are the congregation of earth. It's our duty to hold space for each other on our lives journey. How you do that is up to you. But even a smile a kind word, a hug, or a bottle of water to someone in need provides a ripple effect that creates the world we WANT to live in - a compassionate and peaceful environment where all exist with the minimal terroristic conflict. 

Look for opportunities to make this your energetic payoff. Look for ways to help others get out of their own pain and do the same. Stop the ego thrust and learn to balance your true needs. 

I am NEVER perfect but that's not a requirement of life. Being perfect is an illusory story told by those that 'have more' to keep those that 'have less' in doubt and fear. YOU ARE ENOUGH! 

You are worthy. YOUR life means something to someone out there... each and every day. With love, I send hope to all that feel hopeless, including myself. 

Learning to be Me

WHAT is Happening!! Being in lockdown mode has been a beautiful and frustrating season. This reflection period lead me to this question. WHO AM I!???

My choice to be a mother was such a GREAT one! I have enjoyed this ride - the ups and downs, the pains and joys. Part of my karmic path has been fulfilled in such a beautiful way. Something that occurred along the way, I dimmed a part of myself. This wasn't a choice I regret or feel cheated by. It's just a point for me to wake up and say.. OK. Where am I? Who am I? and what's going to happen next?

Throughout life we have these moments where introspection carries us to a higher plateau. Or even stepping down a new path. Mine starts here. Watch for more introspective times ahead.

Can you say, ROAD TRIP!?

Insecurity - in various forms

Today I am struggling with a huge weight on my heart. I have decided to make a small investment in myself and my business. It's scary but exciting. What this has brought up for me is the lifelong untruth, "I am not going to succeed because I am not worthy."

The endeavors I undertake are often burdened with the underlying oppression of 'I am not worthy'. This thought leads next to, I won't be able to accomplish what I have promised to do, or what I have chosen to do. Of course none of this is actually true, its just what my soul/mind falls into as a trap to not accomplish anything.

As a water sign, Pisces, I tend to wallow in the sorrow, and just flail around when these feelings start to overwhelm me. I am an emotional being at a DNA level, so this struggling against the river wears me out. I often just go with the flow. NOT a great way to deal with situations that are falsely oppressive, such as the mantra, 'I am not worthy'. Because obviously I am worthy. 

I don't need to spend another thousand hours in therapy to KNOW this about myself. I don't need to dive into it every day to see... where is it coming from. What I need is a statement (that actually I developed when I first started this war against that premise.) I am worthy of love and success. That's all there is to it. It is THAT simple. 

Choosing to believe that instead of just snacking and crying, thats the battle. 

Fathers Day

This has been a rough day for the last 17 years especially raising a child on my own, with an absent father. I chose not to pursue him after a certain point because chasing love isn't the kind of love you need in your life. His or mine.

Each year I spend time trying to figure out what that will represent for me, and him... What does a father mean in our specific relationship? How can I (and honestly I can't truly) best show him how to find what men need? I can't because I am not a man. So I take him to do things that dudes typically like to do, like fishing, playing games, kayaking, play a sport, etc. No matter, it doesn't replace the needs he has to be shown by a male figure what that is like.

Yesterday I said to my son,"There is a part of me that gets sad each year that you don't have a father figure in your life. (My father passed away last year. :( ) I want you to know that anytime you have felt like that, I'm ok with answering any questions you may have!" This isn't the first time I have said that to him in his lifetime, and each time the response is unique.

"Mom, thats ridiculous! I don't even think about that anymore!," He says to me with a smirk. "Its just part of the way things are."

"Well that may change so don't worry about asking me anything!"

We hugged.

I don't regret anything, because that would be a burden on my life. I live and atone, and live and love and atone... clearing the path ahead for my son to follow with a loving and forgiving heart of his own. I have made many mistakes along the way, but he isn't one of them!

COVID

I realize that maybe I have been struggling with Covid 19 and not recognized it. Or maybe its just allergies. I don't have the major symptoms, but small irregularities over the last two months have made me feel suspicious. I will explore testing.

The Purple Carpet

The purple carpet was the gift from these Jacaranda trees. I cherish this time of year. The color of majesty, joy and mystical vibrations, covers the trees lining the streets in my neighborhood.

I walk longer and look up more to see the bounty that only happens once a year in full glory. 

I am amazed and in full gratitude of this gift. 

Frustrated

I am just frustrated, and I can't get control! What has created that shift in me?
I am sitting in a class and it is completely irrelevant to what I was seeking from it, and wondering if I should bow out?
Will I or can I accept this need for me to be here at this moment, or, do I make a choice to respect my boundaries and time?

I have a mantra that nothing happens by chance, but its frustrating me that im being taught one thing when I am seeking another, but not knowing if it is irrelevant? Is it guiding me to a more suitable combination of what I hope to achieve with my creativity?

I need a vacation with a book and a bag of micron pens!

WHATS the POINT~!?

Who am I? and am I helping? It seems to me that my input is irrelevant.

This has been the position I have felt the entire time working in this situation, and my tolerance is wearing thin around it. I don't want to be alone or judgemental or... negative! BUT I also don't want to be confused and have NO boundaries in my job description.

What am I going to do? Focus on me and my personal goals, and put this negative energy outside of my boundary -<3 nbsp="" p="">

Notices

OK so, over the last year I am more aware of what is coming at me, in terms of energetic exchanges with other people. I believe this is a response to a request I made to the universe a year or so ago (seems these questions are answered with a very slow response).

At the time of the question, I was noticing my words being misinterpreted, and/or not being understood for what I meant. I realized this is on me, and wanted to clear it up. Upon doing that I started noticing more and more honest exchanges, (TY!!!) but a LOT of exchanges ended up in someone being hostile towards me, or angry? So now I have a new question of the universe... What am I doing that brings in this energy towards me? Is there a universal rise in frustration or hostility? Or is it something I am asking for?

I believe that you should always question yourself first then question others. ie; not an 'I am to blame' but more like, are my intentions matching my exchanges! Maybe I am being tooo sensitive? Or maybe I have too much time on my hands! giggle.

Pondering this more and more. I will return with a more defined entry tomorrow. ciao my peeps.

EXPECTATIONS

WHAT a piece of crap. Look, life is what it is. We all have desires and dreams but, is that part of your life demanding others to be a way that YOU are not being? Also, I am NOT an expert, or perfect or even judging others on how or what they are 'being'. BUT we live in a world full of expectations based on self-delusion! AND we flock together in these groups which hold these parameters dearly so we can justify our repetitive hate. 

What are you wearing? Who are you talking to? What did they say? Are they political? Are they spiritual? How many times did they mess up (which is your filter, not theirs)? Why can't they do this? Why won't they do that?

Don't get me wrong here, as humans, a set of livable standards eases our monkey minds so that we can exist in hope, love, and laughter. But when you are demanding another be some 'way' for you to accept them, then there isn't love or even like there. Just remove them from your life, and find those that can live with your filter/expectations/demands (as it is one).

There. Humanity is a loveless landscape in a LOT of ways, but it doesn't have to be. An elated celebrity has a right to an indignant lifestyle, so does the homeless person deserve a right of respect and dignity.

The problem with the majority is the need to condemn and classify. That's just all I have to say about it. If you love, then love. If you judge that's out of hate. period.

Not free of guilt here but sure trying to move away from being a toxic judgemental excluder.

My movie

I have been watching SOOO many movies lately and wondering, What would my movie be about? If I started writing a screenplay, what would the plot be? How many actors? And how long?

Short stories, vignettes. Real life comedic moments. I don't like drawn-out dramas with monotone dialogue. We suffer too much from our own created and world stress to make that our entertainment too. ;)

Independence and Freedom

Here is a speech I wrote to be presented in my spiritualist church on sunday!

When I started to research what I was going to present today, I had a clear opinion about independence and freedom. First Independence.

Grain of salt disclaimer, the following content is largely based on my opinion which may NOT be the norm for most people… just sayin.

True independence is nearly impossible, unless you are a nomadic traveler living centuries ago. In our day and age, We are clusters of independent thinkers, yet dependent inhabitants. And that’s not a bad thing! We have grown as a species in great ways because of this communal existence. We need each other for basic things, like food, water, shelter, protection, and community. We have also as a whole thrived under that model. And theoretically, independent thought is always available to us. Just as an example, being here in this community has brought us together with a group of like-minded practitioners, but that is more about freedom of thought/choice than independence. Independence, as a concept, sustains our hopes and is compelling us to choose the lives we desire, but technically, there are a lot of other people involved in helping us get to the summit of our successful lives. Make sense?

Now, the real juicy topic is Freedom! The definition of Freedom: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

It is a philosophical concept which I found MANY tomes to pull from but that would take hours to pare down to a 3-4 minute talk. I debated all the ways we take freedom for granted, all the ways we don’t. What is being said now, and what was said 50 years ago, 100 years ago, etc. There is such diversity in definition based on race, sexual orientation, gender, age, etc. So in regards to how to discuss it, I was at a loss to a “take off” point! Which of course led to distractions and delays… ha.

So lets do it this way.

As a child, my thoughts on freedom were based on growing up in the civil rights movement/era. I remember watching JFK give his speeches and seeing the faces of my parents and listening to them speak about this topic. Very moving and it established my thoughts on how humans should treat one another. But truth be told, my perception of freedom at that time, from my core, was How much time can I get outside to ride my bike and explore? Finding creative ways to do my chores without feeling bad or sad. That was my level of freedom.

In my teen years, freedom was about talking on the phone, gossip, secrets, gaining a level of independence that meant more ‘freedom of thought’. Exploring what my mind was absorbing from a more intellectual level. Watching the social aspects of my ‘tribe’ and what did I ‘think about that’, choosing who to associate with – that was freedom.

As a young adult, my freedom was OMG finally! I have my own space, I have my own furniture, I have my own car, I have a more independent life (that being said, a lot of it was from depending on a paycheck). Freedom to choose where I wanted to be as an adult!

As an aging adult, my freedoms now are, finding like minds to share with. Learning how others are suffering for their freedoms and how I could help support those in need, fully.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” Nelson Mandela.

I know that we all have that sense of freedom in our lungs and hearts, and if we are lucky, in our minds as well! But identifying and accepting the freedom available to you without restraint could be overwhelming, or it could be a sign directing you to a “free way of being” in the middle of your chosen restraints. That’s the level of freedom I hope we all obtain in life. Peace of knowing our personal freedoms.

“Truth seek we both — Thou in the life without thee and around; I in the heart within. By both can Truth alike be found. The healthy eye can through the world the great creator track; The healthy heart is but the glass which gives creation back.” BULWER

“Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.” Stephen Covey

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Just so someday my son can read my writings!