Our Dream

We were vacationing somewhere cold. I looked out the window, and the mountains were covered in snow. You and I were snuggled up in bed, and enjoying the warmth of each other. yea. naked n stuff...

It was a great dream, but i woke up sad, because I realized it was a dream. Satisfied in one way, but sad in another way.

Happy monday all you lovers out there! Be grateful to have that person in your life, every minute. No matter the frustration it beats the "lonelies".

Buried alive

I had an awful dream last night that some negative evil energy was being placed upon people and they were burying themselves alive without knowing it... Mass suicide of people squirming their way into the ground screaming then they were gone.

i have an idea what that is about too... but not going to say it here. I am just going to do a little meditation on it, and move on. Its not my issue but if I can help I am THERE! always there.. just reach for it.

namaste.

blowing a breeze your way.

I think of you often and remember you smiling so keep that part of your energy going babe... :D

Pain is temporary, scars heal.

I have been hurt by most of my previous relationships. I can't say that any of my relationships were one sided in the cause of things NOT working, but the balance was sometimes off as I would always make up for what I thought was lacking by ignoring my desires and give in to the needs of others.

As I have survived these war torn love arenas, there are a few things I have learned. Life is too short to lock myself up in the pain of the past, and judge everyone else based on what HAS happened... Each moment is an opportunity to know somethings CAN and WILL be different this time because I am different now. I can choose differently based on what I am wanting. No judgement, no expectations, no blaming that person for the pain someone else caused me. Learning to trust again as deeply as I can. My eyes are opened and my heart feels ready to trust in someone again and find that permanent relationship I have always wanted.

I am at a point in my life where I want to spend time getting to know someone. Taking time to feel comfortable in trusting another person to regard me in honor as I would them. And to laugh and play! Just allow us to be ourselves and grow toward intimacy that makes us glow from the inside. I have met someone that I connect with deeply, as this person is always on my mind.  Placed in front of me is yet another learning curve, a place where I have found someone that makes me think, is there a chance for more in a way I haven't had before? Someone that intrigues me mentally, physically and emotionally and fits with my quirky nature. I send him little notes of encouragement and trust him to smile when he sees my words. Maybe he feels it too, maybe not. He has to make his own decisions based on his previous experiences, and his choices of what he wants in his life, and learning to trust his inner voice to guide him to where he wants to be.

Analyzing the outside world is a mute point, but for arguments sake, lets explore the influences. My friend tells me to let you go that you don't respect me or have any care for me. My soul says, where did that deep connection come from? past life? My spirit says, he is hurting and needs your help to smile again. My heart says, wow, look at that! Thats so shiny and it makes me smile when I think of it. I want to touch it again. I wonder if he will come out and play anytime soon? All I really want is time to figure it all out and have fun in doing so. I want "him" to join me in that thought. relaxed, open, laughing, smiling, breathing, and being, nothing more for now, moment to moment smile to smile.

SO, plan of action? Trust the process. Open my side of dialogue, trust my inner voice even if everyone else says I am wrong. My inner voice knows what is right like NO ONE else does. I am more than capable of having everything I want and reaching for it is a GREAT adventure! Anytime I find myself in a negative place, I will remember that this moment is temporary, fleeting, and I will be moving past it quickly. Remind myself, that when I get to the next stop I don't want to show up with a frown on my face! I want to greet that person with a smile, a kind vision of possibility, hope and an open heart.

wow, pretty deep for a tuesday. I think I will lay back down for a bit... maybe on the beach!

Feelings

There isn't much to know or tell
about how i landed in your well
i think i tripped and then i fell
into your pit of burning hell

huh?

wow, someday, hope. Ours.

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
they'll judge it like they know about me and you
and the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
they jury's out, but my choice is you

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
and life makes love look hard
the stakes are high
the waters rough
but this love is ours

you never know what people have up their sleeves
ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me
lurking int he shadows with their lip gloss smiles
but i don't care, cause right now youre mine

and you'll say, don't you worry your pretty little mind
people throw rocks at things that shine
and life makes love look hard
the stakes are high
the waters rough
but this love is ours

Being Brave

They say confession is good for the soul. Turns out they are oh so right. I felt lighter and more at ease once I laid out the truth.

And thankfully I am blessed he was laughing and smiling when it all got washed out. ty dear randolph! xo

Silence is painful

There are times when you connect with someone. A person who opens up to you without inhibition. They say the things they want you to hear. Unsure of why they are opening, unsure of where its going,  not knowing that all these steps are destined to make our lives sweeter with each tone. And then? the cone of silence. Where do they go?

This has happened to me often online. I am reminded by people to seek out where it is that I am stopping this flow. There are others that say to me, its not you at all. I wish that I could get off this merry go round.

I feel like walking out in front of a bus today, that would end all the pain your silence has caused me. But unfortunately the world wouldn't benefit from my death, and so another day in pain it is.

Blessed are those that have a depth of feeling they aren't afraid to share. I am one that is so blessed. May my other come to rescue my heart from this drenched hell of nothing ness and silence, and we can sing together.

let me find you dear. open the window and listen for my song!

Spring Fever!

I want to run and roll in the green flowery fields of spring! Enjoy some time frolicking with another and just being alive. NO heavy conversation, NO lies, NO denials, NO hidden agendas, NO lists, NO competition, just me and my mate wishing hoping and playing as one. guess I have to find him first huh?

I got a "free reading" from a psychic last night via my new boss Nancy Seagal. Seems that I am destined to be alone until I can "clear my chakras" and get grounded. SO, along with all the OTHER stuff I need to do in my life, parenting, school, working, dieting, working out, SPRING CLEANING, saving my ass from sabotaging my daily opportunities to grow, i get to add that to my list.

sleep? gotta wait till i am DEAD!!! boooo yea! hello dark circle under eye concealer! you are my NEW best friend! 

giggle... 

more of the same

I really really need to focus on myself. you have taken up way too much of my valuable time with your wishy washy words of promise that lead to an empty hole of desire.

later chewbacca.

Buddha ROCKS!

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." 


---Buddha

Trust

Can I? Will i? There is an issue there. Its historical. Its biological. Its not you darlin its me. Have faith in me love. Send me your positive energies, and believe its all going to be ok.

I need you to be strong for me, beside me in spirit, while I rebuild a part of myself that is historically shadowed with distrust. Thats my challenge and you are my muse.

Thanks for being here for me. As I will be for you in return.

Namaste.

Meditation Time

My Tues/Thurs AM Let it Go Yoga classes with jean, Make My WEEK!

its the hour and a few mins that allow me to really sink into meditation and let myself sink deep into my body. Feel whats going on. I can actually stop thinking way too much and allow myself to flow with what is inside me.

And if you know me at ALL? Thats not an easy thing for me to do. Yet anyway. My goal this year is to learn to let go more stop letting my brain try to run out of control and trust my gut more. I think I am finally getting help from the universe on that one.

Papa-OOM-mauw-mauw. Haven't you heard?

CHUM!

OMG an old high school chum I probably haven't seen in 10 years is camping near me. So, I am going to head out there to hug him and catch up with what he is doing.

More l8tr... woohoo!

A New Day

Plans to do something new!!!! So excited. Its time to start writing that book I have been talking about. Outline set up, questions answered. I have a list of other moms I would like to poll, so thats in the works before summer as well. Also, I am going to be working with someone new that I am hoping to be learning some healing arts from!

In addition to the outside news, I have been painting again, and that feels awesome!!!! Now, I need to get the finances in order so I can get that guitar and start performing again.

Rockin and a rollin in april of 2012. A new beginning!

thought for the day: I am not interested in making myself someone you would like to see, I am interested in making myself someone I want to be. chicka bow wow!!!

just forget it.

I just don't think I should date anymore.. forget it. I think I will just sing and make art instead.

Send me some canvas universe, so that I may create things in my own light and these visions will light up someone else's life. Also send a new acoustic guitar, and a bicycles. I need to ride and to sing.

Its coming up on summer and I want to look like an unobtainable goddess. And feel like one too.

Music

so sometimes I ask a question of the universe and wait to hear the first number that enters my head, and pick a card from touchdrawing.com soul card gallery. This card has come up for over a week now. I need to get out my guitar and start playing again, huh?