Analysis #59 (and counting)

I have been doing self help work for a while now. Years in fact. I still fall into some of the old patterns from time to time. Like feeling sorry for myself, which is never a good use of my energy. Its basically just an excuse to not have to accomplish anything and laze about eating bad food!!!!

Today a reminder hit my email thanks to a stranger I was hoping to become friends with. It was that rejection based on assumption that really opened my eyes. This process is basically the way I treat myself. When I make my food choices, exercise choices, friend choices, I tend to be single sighted and feed those individually instead of visualizing the whole picture. This body is a tool for me to use in order to accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I must treat it with a greater amount of respect.  Today is that day to begin fresh and start anew.

All of me, why not take all of me???? :whistle:

Thanks

I had a wonderful day yesterday serving food, working with beautiful people, and loving life. I hope you all had days full of smiles and memories.

Thanks for everyday I am here and able to do what I love.

I choose

This morning I woke up in a bit of a downer, because I had such a wonderfully free day yesterday, and now awake, back in the throws of real life. But one minute in time can change your entire perspective.

I was sitting sipping my coffee leftover from my drive home, looking at some tarot cards I pulled on Monday regarding a situation, and the phone rang. A volunteer that is LOST!!! I had the same issue the first time I went to help out at the Organic Soup Kitchen. I had a very pleasant conversation with her, and got her back on the road to food prep land. So grateful to have the reminder of what a wonderful time I am going to have this week; amazing people, amazing abundance and amazing results. And I get to share this with my son. Oh yea!!!

Reminder to self: I choose. I have the power to choose the things that affect me or don't. Allowing and accepting are the only real choices to maintain my true happiness within. I have been given so much abundance, I am grateful that it always comes to me and I can share that with others.

Now if I invited you to join me, would you like to spend some time with me and some other special people getting to know each other in community and joy? I am going to reach out and try.

My body

Looking at a picture of me from 4 years ago, I was appalled!!!! I was HUGE. I am glad that i have turned this around, but wow. eye opener! I had good friends around me that loved me, so it wasn't much of a concern that I wouldn't be loved as a big woman. Interesting at the time I didn't feel ugly, just uncomfortable.

Growing up my body didn't require ANY working out to stay slim. I was hugely active and no matter what I ate, I burnt it off. I mean don't get me wrong, I am built very very curvy, I just didn't have any excess fat. As I hit my 30s and drank more, that changed. I didn't move as much and the calories from the sugar hit me. I wasnt huge, but I started getting self doubt and getting bigger. Then full on pregnancy and a break down in my ankle, I gained a lot of weight. I was huge!

Realizing something had to change, I had an ankle operation. I couldnt lose weight not being able to utilize that ankle. It is amazing to be pain free after 10 years of everyday swelling in my ankle!!! GRATITUDE! The surgery took a while to heal, and I couldn't walk during that time. (more weight) Then I could and didn't want to, self esteem issues and a boyfriend that just wasn't right for me. After that break up, I knew, it was time to rethink my life.

My next step was gastric bypass surgery, and that lead to a weight loss of over 100 lbs (i have about 30 more to go for my ideal weight). My body can MOVE!!! I am looking and feeling sexier than I have in years. The girl woman I see in the mirror is a bit foreign to me seeing as she disappeared around the age of 32. During this process I have re-learned a lot about myself and  learning new things. Especially about my intimate encounters, personal relationships are going to be fun and exciting for me now. Its about TIME! I may seem a bit naive, silly and youthful in a lot of ways, but there is a depth of maturity and wisdom. and Just simple warning: never underestimate a Pisces. Pisces are supremely mellow, but will lash out when they feel attacked. 

So, look for me on the streets. I am the giggling lady with the new look in her eyes. Maybe its for you, if you look deep enough to find it, dear fish.

An old Post

This post (Rene Magritte - The lovers) from 2007 gets the MOST hits on my blog when the search comes up. And there is such a truth to this image.

In art school, I did a copy of this painting because the image is so impactive for me, I wanted to try it myself. A couple of years later a boyfriend of mine took a knife to it and shreaded it in front of me. I have learned a lot about myself and men over the years. Abuse was only part of it. Joy was the most of it. Truth can be the most elusive element. Taking moments to know each other is a requirement most men have no patience for.


Moving on to a different comment about Magritte's amazing image. As far as I am concerned, don't worry about hiding who you are from me. I take life as it is, all your faults and secrets are as beautiful as your strengths in my eyes, friends. The more honest the more attractive. Let it out! Once you do, most of it fades away and the sparkly bits gather more light. Just sayin.

Jellies

Ok its official. Mellies Jelly's are being sold for the first time tomorrow. Its going to be at a small boutique in Goleta CA, so basically its a market testground for me. Get the opions of my product via the public.

I blame Anthony Carroccio for the inspiration. I am hoping if all goes well, 20% of the profits will go to his "non-profit" organization, The Organic Soup Kitchen. I have been working with him since April and thoroughly enjoy my work.

I have only about 6 or 7 different products. I will keep you informed after the show! Wish me luck. xo


UPDATE: Nailed it!!! The A game was in town and i sold almost everything I took there. Yes. well proven fact. I .. CAN... CooK!!!!!

Short Fuse

For a long time, I had a VERY short fuse fueled by my intolerance to all sorts of things. I realize that anger isn't my friend. Forgive me if I stomp off sometimes out of frustration. Its just that most of this life bores me to tears, and I have a difficult time finding a happy medium in some moments.

I am truly a very happy person, I just don't hold much in and it can cause a few fire spurts here and there. Then I am back to mellow charming smiling positive me! Maybe I am lacking something... like a three letter word that ends in X. yea.

Scattered

i don't understand what my brain does with certain information! i feel like there is a space in my head that always needs filling with something, and if its empty my mind makes up stuff to put in there, filling the void! scary... just damn scary.

I figured it out!!!! If I let go, and let all the air out of those tires on that vehicle, I just say what I feel, then it works out, and leaves my brain. And I am back on track. If you get notes from me that are honest and forthright, I am grateful for your attention and your responses, negative or positive. Don't hold back. Do you really want to spend your life in regret by not saying what is in your heart because of what someone else might think????  They are going to think what they want to anyway no matter WHAT you say. BE FREE!!!! Be kind. Be loving... Be honest. And do it along with me.

call me

You know you want to! LOL. your voice is ringing in my head, and I would love to hear it again... and again.

Full Moon

 

Stop making waves in my soul!!!

Wait

Didn't I say wait a min??? i think that means wait a min! game over. :-(

11 - 11 - 11 V Day

A moment of gratitude today for those that chose to make our freedom their priority. Wishing you all peace.

HA!

Hello men friends. Remember that communication is a two way street. Neither of us is omnipotent. If you don't ask the questions, you only get a one way ticket to your own "fairytale" land.

Another quote from facebook I will post here:
 "Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a retard in tin foil."



Today, I am going to write a Dear John letter. Literally!!!

Kissing

Smoochin' with you was a dream come true. Lovely. The only drawback to that activity is the depth of realization to how lonely I am. A painful longing for honest company and true companionship.

On the up side, being with you for now, its gonna have a huge reward. Like we get to kiss whenever we want. cheers!

Honesty

Some people really have issues with coming right out and saying whats on their mind. They do a little dance around and around trying to keep you from seeing what their truths are. I found myself with that issue the other day after a "first date". I finally relaxed into saying what was on my mind by saying to myself, How much time are you going to waste on this?

Can't you see how much energy you waste by not just saying, hey! here's what I am thinking, and even though it might cause some kind of disturbance in the force, lets move on and get to the next point and take it from there when it comes about. 

Cuz peeps? We are adults, or most of us are. Right? I will love ya anyway! promise.

hope

you know, we could sell it... but its FREE!!!! keep on keepin on baby. Life is GOOD.

Sleepin Bears

Ah. sleeping bears sleeping.

Magicians

Last nights dream had me and a friend giving a magic show. We were making MAGIC! and it was well received.

Love that one!