Anger

I woke up in a rage!!! I really felt it all throughout my body. I tried to blame it on the coffee and lack of sleep, but I seriously doubt that's the cause of the manifestation. Old feelings have arisen to remind me I have a closet full of cleaning to try and get through.

such as:
I don't like feeling left out. I don't like "not knowing". (which leads to)
I have abandonment issues I thought were pretty much gone. NOT.
Why is it that people don't respect each other? Why do I fall into that category sometimes?

See? more than you wanted to know. Anyway, this morning I found a light switch. Getting it cleaned up again! Maybe I can toss a few more items along with these. I am sure to remind myself that I can do it. You find ways to clear out the clutter with things you love, such as writing, drawing, coloring, reading, hugging, walking, volunteering, cooking, cleaning, and spending time with family and friends.

What is love without self love? I don't mean self absorbed narcissism. I am talking about the kind of love that allows you to enrich the world by sharing who you are, not overpowering with who you are.

She's BACK

I had a dream about Oprah last night again! She was in an older outfit, something she had worn in a dream of mine a long time ago. Very provincial and kind of conservative! She was on her way to church, and was late. I thought to myself I need to ask her something, so I chased after her. I was too slow and did not catch up to her by the time she went inside. The rest of the dream was contemplation I just don't remember it too much.

Oprah started appearing in my dreams before I moved to California then kind of disappeared once I settled into Santa Barbara. I remember thinking to myself this morning, she's BACK! Her presence in my dreams is a sign of something pertaining to my town. Now to decipher.

Waste

So, today I traveled to the local food bank today to pick up supplies for this weeks cooking. Amazing place in general. Filled with overages for people to come and buy at a fraction of the cost originally. You would be surprised how much produce is there. But today? No onions. You know why? They rot. Pounds and Pounds of locally grown food is being tossed on a weekly basis because its not "used" before it rots or expires.

I don't understand the world sometimes. People even less. We all moan about what we don't have, instead of learning about resources and redistributing, reusing, renewing what we have in abundance. Join me in a revolution to cut this waste in half!!!!! And feed people good wholesome food, not packages full of chemicals that kill.

If each of us donated maybe 2-4hours a week, 20 bux a month, or even solicited to assist organizations that reduce this waste, think of the economic and socioeconomic impact.

I may be idealistic. I have hope people can be inspired to give a few mins of their time to thinking upon these simple solutions. Get out there and contribute people!!! a few cents makes the world of difference to someone. Lets rock the suburbs!!!

dew it.

Patience

I want effortless. I don't want to look over my shoulder anymore. I have patience. I am relearning faith. Don't you tire of the test?? Don't you want to just say yes? Whats keeping you from it? Trust?

Have you given me a reason to trust you? That question only you can answer, for I believe what you tell me, I haven't any reason not to. I step in with trust until someone proves me otherwise. Its what I have to hold onto to keep me hoping you exist.

Hello soul that hears me. Come sit by me and lets make the most of everyday. Smiling at the fools who forgot what it is like to smile and trust each other, despite the land mines we have encountered. I know you are there. I can feel you. Step out into the light so I can see you better. I will be there with you and for you.

You won't be sorry. Life is joyous in this mermaid pool. Laughing and loving as much as possible.

information

Wow... you know? The information that came in to my life yesterday from an objective individual really put me at ease. I feel even more stoked about the future now.

Please say you will join me. I want you there with me while it happens.

89

This soul card came up today when I picked my number. Isn't it beautiful?

There is a lot of positive flourishing thoughts going on in my mind right now. I hope they reach the ones that need them most.

Adult

I am an adult. an ADULT. There isn't anything I can't discuss. And most of the time? I can do it with a straight face!!!

I have had quite the experienced life. Heck you might learn a trick or two. Just sayin!

Helpless

This morning doing our "Sunday Morning" routine of having breakfast in bed and watching some videos, my son looks over at me and says, "Mom, I need a daddy."

I took this statement in for a minute before reacting. Its something I agree with completely for him, but I want to make this a reassuring time in regards to his sense of security. I felt like saying, Hell YES! of all the little boys in the world YOU deserve a great dad. Someone that will love you as much as you love them. Instead, I decided to ask him a few questions about it. "Why do you feel like you need a daddy? What is he going to do for you that you don't have now?"

He goes on to list things like, take me places, spend money on me (I laughed), and hugs. I looked at him and said, "We have to love our lives as they are. Enjoy our moments and be grateful for what we have. I love you and we have fun right?"

"yes mom".

I sighed. Then I said, "It will be fun if we find that person, but in the meantime we have to look at the other people in our lives as our family." Parenting is a beyotch. But the rewards are hugs, kisses and seeing yourself growing up all over again!!

come on Dad! where are you? In the meantime, we need to go fishing.

Lovely

Got dressed up last night! I forgot what that felt like. It used to be a way of life. It was lovely.

Life is good. Just sayin.

Gracious

OK so, not going to Graceland. Just a bit of gratitude. I was mulling over a section of a week. And pondering its effect on my mentality. (as you might have noticed)

So, gracious me. I have come up with my gratitude list:
Thank you for reminding me where my short comings are. I am so grateful to have that piece of information. Thank you for showing me that not everything is as it seems. I will keep checking myself in the mirror to wipe the naive off my face. Thank you for the generosity, patience and chivalry. Thank you for showing me how things could be. Thank you making me laugh, smile and sigh. Thank you for letting me be myself. Thanks for the warmth. thanks for your wonderful stories. Thanking myself for the upgrade; I deserve to be heard and admired as well.

Thanks for affirming that all good things take time and you have to be present to them in that time, not absent, in order for them to move forward. I love life. xo

Who's your couch buddy?

You know, a LOT of my friends go to therapy. I guess that says something about me. It says that I can accept the desire to have people in my life who search for answers to the nagging aches and pains of the body that are a result of "stinkin thinkin". Sessions with the Couch buddy, either sitting, lounging, jumping, crying, pillow beating, affirming releasing time with an objective individual can truly make the mirror a happier occasion!

No matter how big your brain gets with knowledge and wisdom and courage and faith, there is always a new experience around the corner to remind you to keep studying. And kitties and bobcats? that is ROCKIN good news.

So cry, or sing or beat the drum, go fishing, take a hike, talk to a tree, maybe a spin class or paint a painting, just do whatever it takes to get you out of the funk and onto the dance floor with me. Dance little sistah DANCE!

Lets Talk

I have carved a career in marketing and advertising. Embellishing products or services with adjectives to make them more attractive. Me. A woman that says whats on her mind WAY too often. The other day I couldn't say a word. I felt closed off. A first meeting with someone whose mind I found highly intriguing. I didn't really want to say too much. I like to listen and get the lay of the land. Treading lightly as to not disturb the land mines of people that have had poor relationships. (I know I have).

Trust is a tricky issue, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I will never understand men, but that is so OK by me!!! Its how things should be. If we were too similar there would be absolutely NO intercourse. *giggle* There is something about that edge of difference that draws us to one another.

I felt it deep down, didn't you? yea BABY! lets get it ON. :giggle:

Mermaid dream

Ever since I have been a young lass, in the wilds of Kentucky, I have been a swimmer. I lettered my senior year of high school. That letter jacket is LONG gone to some virgo college roomate with an attitude.

Anyway, I have a thing about the water. This mermaid dream was very telling for me one night.

Just keep swimming!!!!

Birds and Bees

A poem inspired by a friend that lives in the OC that I haven't talked to in 2 years.

The Bees have it. The Birds have it.

the body follows the scent of you
its longing takes its own directions
looking as it has not eaten for years
never been filled to satisfaction

i feel your body beside me in a dream
the warmth of its fur and energy
not moving towards me but with me.
learning its curves slowly with purpose.

i don't know if that dream will come
to my doorstep or in my window.
or if it will always remain outside
looking up as a lover in despair.

but like a fool i will chance its time
keep my candle burning in the window
calling your spirit to join me here
in a dance that has already bound us

i want to melt into you, feel that heat
intent on your turns and troubles
wanting to alleviate your concerns
make you smile for an hour or so.

and let you show me there is hope
for anything beautiful to be alive
inside each others souls for now
winding ourselves tighter in that net.