Today

The question I asked, what is the reason I have been through so much trouble in dating. My question was answered with these 3 cards. The path is full of abundance and reward. I am looking for the signs.

I think

So many people talk, saying things they dont really mean... a lot of things they don't really mean! come on peeps, if you are over 35? GET real. Understand truth and speak it, treasure its value and stop raising liars. You are creating a society with an inflated sense of self based on some kind of false media hype. Wear your pants around your WAIST. Keep your honor intact. Use integrity as a sword to cut through the crap, and stop expecting me to read your mind. Your assumptions and expectations are killing the waves of intention for all of us.

Be kind, be honest, be forthright with everything you do. And someone PLEASE give me a break from being a parent.. honestly, i sound like a real nag right now, and i am tired of it.

A new experience

I got to experience something new tonight, a new kind of work I may be getting into! I am excited to start a new phase in my life.. You have to love it when life gives you diversity.

I am believing that something good is going to come from all this.

Trust

You know, I think that I have serious trust issues with humans in general. I won't stop myself from enjoying the love I feel for humanity based on the people that continue to take advantage of me and other people. I do have to learn that disappointment is going to be part of connection and companionship. No one is perfect and we all have challenges.

Its time for me to respect and honor that in myself and others...

Today

You know I put my profile back up on the dating sites. I had some kind of idea that I had found someone, but I think I was wrong, he disappeared. And didn't leave behind any signs of much interest in me anyway.

As I have been out there again, things are different for me now. I don't feel so pressured or over thinking of it. I realize that no matter how perfect a connection you could have with someone, if they don't reciprocate, how could it possibly work out.

My heart and life are too precious to sit and wait for someone to understand that I am a fine woman, with a huge heart, and very few thorns.I am far from perfect, but I am hard working, honest, an excellent cook, love adventure, and a great set of eyes!!

I am happy with the amount of laughs I am going to have now, as opposed to the lack of them the past 8 months have brought me. Hello new world!

Super Powers!!!!

I have realized I have them! Because I dont even need a "cloak" to be invisible...

BEAT THAT mr. HARRY POTTER!!!

boo yea... *wink wink*

SIGH... where are you?

someday the man of my dreams will show up. I will be able to share these feelings.



You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you
Like everything that's green, girl I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you want it too


'Cause I wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold you hand forever
Never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted


Anyone can tell you you're pretty
You get that all the time, I know you do
But your beauty's deeper than the makeup
And I wanna show you what I see tonight
When I wrap you up


When I kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold you hand forever
Never let you forget it
'Cause baby I wanna make you feel wanted


As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You're more than everything I need
You're all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted


And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold you hand forever
Never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Yeah, baby I wanna make you feel -
Wanted
'Cause you'll always be wanted

SADlee

Sadly, you have lost your heart
Sadly, you have lost your will
Sadly, you have lost your way
Sadly, you have lost your touch
Sadly, you have lost my friendship.

you know if you just watered the garden sparingly with joy every so often, you wouldn't lose so many plants. just a thought.

my boundaries are back up firm, and you are on the outside of them. as you wished to be, by your sad choices. there is a gate that can be opened, but from the looks of it, you are going to have to really remove the rust you have allowed to accumulate there.

no love lost, i will always care.

Sailing

Setting you free to sail your ship as you wish, and I to find a love that relishes my affections with gratitude, not attitude.

I am not letting go, I am transferring my hope to one that finds me worthy via action, words and deeds. To  myself. As I have done to others, so shall I have for myself. Honor, respect, intelligence, creativity and joy will be shared with a heart that is full.

Theres nothing you can do that can't be done, Nothing you can sing that can't be sung, nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game, its easy~  ALL you need is LOVE.

If it isn't bad enough

So to say that my love life is a barren wasteland, is redundant!!!!! And as if the lack of physical intimacy isn't bad enough???? The guy upstairs, now known as the O man.. (O.... O.... O....) gets it EVERY night...

sheeesh. least he could do would be turn on some freakin music! bleh....

WHY??????? please universe... its WAY past time.

Belief

I do believe, its all going to work out. It always has for me. It always has no matter what has been involved in getting me to where I am. I want to believe in me most of all, thats my biggest battle to date. You know I have always believed in you. 


Sigh... A friend that has recently reappeared reminded me of the "law of attraction". A psychic friend of mine, reminded me last week about the "laws of attraction". My coworker Nancy, reminded me... law of attraction. 


Point made. Thank you for the guidance universe. Back to center, relax, work hard, and take care of yourself. Abundance is everywhere. 

Reminder

I am not sure I believe in love. Someone suggested to me the other day, that I had given up on true love. That just might be the case. Am I repeating myself? sigh... damn old age.. sometimes the record skips and the same chorus plays over and over again, till its played out. Its not even love that I have begun to doubt its the magic of all things this universe offers.

I hope I can put that negative Nancy on a horse riding off to nowhere near me sooner than later. Because, honestly? Everyday above ground is nothing short of a miracle! AND, getting to spend it in Santa Barbara? EVEN more so!!!

ah... sweet love of life, return to me with roses and sweet water to refresh my soul.

I know why~

Prostitutes are smart... they realize at a certain point that they are going to get treated like shit by men and they capitalize on it by getting paid.

In my life seems I have paid men to treat me like shit... Possible Prostitute in the making... "Older, wiser, mature woman seeks man that needs to unload cash into my purse for services rendered."

A man from Seattle

Today a man from seattle that I have been in touch with or talked to online for many  years showed up. He was asking me why I never said hello to him. At some point in the past I had deleted him because he ignored me for so long, and gave me smart ass answers to my questions, all in all treated me with disrespect and dismissal. He asked me if i was mad at him, if he had done something to piss me off. I said no, because honestly it had been so long since he talked to me, i didn't even remember why he was off my messenger list.

He was moaning and begrudging life because "women" took advantage of him and used him. Treated him like he didn't matter... I was kind and open trying to allow him the knowledge of the law of attraction. I said things like, "look inside your own life for the answers of why you aren't getting what you want." He claimed he watched men over and over again treat women with disrespect, while he treated them with love and honor. I laughed to myself full knowing he wasn't doing any of those things.  He was probably drinking and feeling sorry for himself because he wasn't finding love at that very moment, feeling disconnected and alone.

On a second note, I saw my most recent ex (we broke up over 2 years ago) for the first time in over 2 months. I purposely try to avoid him because he totally is a mess. He was relaying some kind of surreal story, almost like something out of a science fiction movie. Then in the middle of this conversation, he jumps up and wanders off without even saying goodbye, or nice seeing you. For all times I took care of him, paid for his life, gave him shelter, went out of my way for him, etc... Really? This is why i don't talk to him anymore. Totally disrespectful.

Point being? There is no chivalry left, and its not because of my actions. Men have become bitches and even more self centered if you can imagine that. I have yet to find a man, outside of my father, my brother, and a very few other male friends, that treat women with respect and chivalry. If I didn't dislike women so much, I would  probably be a lesbian by now. Hey DUDES? I am not the reason these other women have lied and cheated to you, or used you or slept with your best friends. I haven't caused you to distrust me at all. I am completely the opposite. I am generous to a fault, and although I may be blunt and to the point, I would never abandon you in your time of need, no matter what you had done. Then on top of all that, when I don't act like a bitch to you, expecting you to dote on me, treat me like a queen, you treat me like i am WEAK and useless.... and have NO time for me. No honest words, no truths or affections... only hey do you want to know the size of my dick? (sigh. not yet!!!!!) OH and the other couple of really choice comments that really go straight to a woman's heart,

I no longer believe in true love. I have given it my all to people I have truly had deep connections with in life, without expectation. I know what love is... I just don't happen to have found anyone  that is still single that does. And after all that is said and done? I still wont be a bitch because that would make me just like most of the men I know. AND some of the women too. Spending their time justifying how and why they treat people rudely because by current societal standards, their behavior is the norm. Spare me. Send me a true soul that is aware of its unique ability to stand up to this TRASH and choose the right path. Choose treating someone else with the dignity they deserve no matter their station in regards to me, or what they may or may not lose in doing so. I beg you universe. Please.


I wish the mother race would come and take me back to their planet... I grow weary of the idiots. Also I am sick to death of feeling all these feelings without having one soul that I feel i can share this life with. 

Faith

I gave into a knowing that went beyond my conscious mind. I don't know why you are here or why we are connected. I don't question things that are bigger than my meager mortal existance... I was put here as a creative channel to believe in what I see and feel despite the smatterings of others. I have lived a long life on a rocky path full of pitfalls... I believed in things that others told me were not realistic or possible. I followed my inner voice through relationships that haven't been kind to me, but they developed me into who I am today. All these experiences have given me a level of wisdom and karma that you can't buy with legal tender.

I have faith in my inner voice, and the guidance of spirit. Its what has brought me to you. Its what has garnished lovely compliments and true smiles from strangers as well as friends. Its made me a part of the worlds family. I am truly blessed and happy.

Today, I felt you there

Somedays I can, somedays I can't. Today you were thinking about me... Thanks for that! xo