Feeling it out.

I do pick up on energy that surrounds me. I had strange dreams last night that left me feeling vulnerable today. It was a feeling of being observed by forces that can't truly perceive. I know that I was being judged. The comfort of a situation has come to an end. I am again alone in the elements fending for myself. Fighting for a security that should come from inside.

Dreams awaken a part of my consciousness that is ethereal and travels ahead of my physical being. I am fighting the urge to dump it all and run. Leave the one that is watching me to see what I will do. Run towards the comfort of my own mermaid lair to be in the peace of my art. Time to remind myself that my own heart always gives me joy. No matter, unless this person is open he wont ever really see it all, for I am the one hiding some aspects in protection of a heart that gives too much.

These two songs are sticking out in my head today. Both named She's Got a Way. When will i honor that woman? She deserves to be honored.

She's Got a Way ~ Bryan Adams




She's Got a Way ~ Billy Joel



My loving lady friends, embrace the beauty. We are strong, tender, empathetic, enigmatic, revealing, healing and beautiful in every aspect. Perpetuate those characteristics and the day is yours.

peace. dream sweetly.

I am LOST

I am only on Season Three... I am a slacker. I envy those walking around in the glow of the season premiere.. damn aristocrats.

A New Era

I am a-political. I hate politics and the governing powers that attempt to make our lives better through their own character flaws and expectations. I am incapable of dealing with people who think they "know better" than others, when in my vision we are all here to assist one another. Thats the way of nature. We need to live in balance and harmony with all things around us. Learning where the needs are and how to feed those needs without greed or expectation. Today I am pleased to say I am semi-excited to see what will change for us as Americans. Today our elected president was inaugurated into office.

The truth is that he is a much better speaker than any president we have had in my lifetime, maybe since Kennedy. I believe that anyone who quotes one of the greatest men in our history, Abraham Lincoln, is going to open eyes and attempt to accomplish great things. That kind of energy and positive aggression will be change. His enthusiasm will spark ideas and concepts in many that may finally feel they can contribute.

Congratulations to our new President. My challenge to you; Provide us with the tools we as a nation need to make these changes and your visions will be revealed in action. I have hope again.

Dreams ~ Blog Off

I am attempting to catch up with my cousin in the new year! Thursday blog off's. This week's theme is dreams. Thankfully this month's dreams have been chock full of symbolism. And dreaming about a friend. Last night was no different. We were at the Car Wash. Washing the car, etc. then some romping around after hours. But that's not what Blog is about. :cheesygrin:

I am going to talk about a dream come true, moving to California. I prayed all my life to live by the ocean and now? I live in one of the greatest cities I have seen. And I moved here with less than 500 to my name. In a Nissan that is now a commanding presence in someone else's life. (He is enjoying the magic of the bullet car. And it will create magic for him too.)

I wake up smiling in a ridiculously cheap (and roomy) two bedroom apartment for my area. I have a cute little Leo child to dress and steer towards the stars. We get in the new car and listen to music. The road to his "alternative school" is next to the mountains that are washed pink in the sunrise coming from over the ocean. He is learning his own style of life in a "Montessori style" public school. Comes home using the words like "dude" and "NO Way, that is so cool." Creating magic out of cardboard and tape. Learning to read in Kindergarten instead of first grade. Wanting to learn and not come home from school. I can't say that I ever felt that way about my school. He is one of the main reasons I traveled to this place on a prayer and it stuck.



I have an artistic dream of my own that I will accomplish. I know I will get over being lazy and attack this idea. It will be successful once I set my mind on the path. I know it will attract the kind of people that I need to help me, because all I have done to get here and be here has "yes" around it. I have met some of the nicest people. Don't get me wrong this town is full of snobs and haters, but I have set myself in situations where I don't have to deal with too many of them (yet).

Finally, where is the love? There is a strong feeling of being in a holding pattern on that one, but the flight will land when its time. All of life is a process. There are things I have to get past before I can get to the love I deserve, as does the "other". The peace I seek is involved in its own flight pattern of rebuilding self worth and trust. Finding their own dream till we meet in the middle. Realizing that the future is ours. And a smile is all we wear when its dark.

A dream is a wish your heart makes. I made a wish the other night when someone wasn't looking. With a teardrop sliding down my face, I felt the wish slide deep into my heart, trying to keep it warm until that dream is also a part of my daily life.

Dreams are what we have when we feel hopeless and alone in these trying times. Remember to focus on your own. Nothing is out of reach if you believe in it and work towards it. Open your mind to your dreams and know that help is everywhere. Be the hand that helps others. You will find a smile and an answer to a dream you didn't even realize you had.

Now. that's my BS. Check out my CUZ's entry. He is a better writer than me. I don't hold that against him at all!

where is the KORN!? *giggles at her bad private joke.*

Butterfly in the Net

This week I have felt like a butterfly in a net or under the bowl. As I try to fly, I am being dragged back under the net. As soon as I see this particular flower and I fly, I end up hitting the wall. Time to change my perspective.

monkey to man... :whistle:

Show your Face

Delurking Day! just say hi. thats it. Hope all are having prosperous new years in these tricky financial times.


thing I thought today:
His voice is water that quenches my thirst. melanie mitchell © 2009

Expressing Emotions

Expressing emotions is like bailing water out of a boat for me. I know that if I do not let out the buildup of unspoken feelings, the ship will sink. I know that in reality, if I can't or wont deal with the inner problems I face they manifest in physical form. Ischemic colitis has been the worst manifestation of these suppressed truths. I have a friend I know that feels very deeply in many ways, but he says to me, I don't express my emotions. hm...

I had a dream about that person. He came to my apartment a few times in the interval of this dream. Although his mouth opened, he was unable to tell me what he was feeling. The next image he was wandering down the tree lined dirt path off to a castle. I feared there would be a dragon to slay before he arrived, but I knew that he had the courage to face it as he was filled with the unspoken truths of his life.



The next day while having a beer with this person I saw this painting. Wow. I really need to get on this symbolism thing ASAP!

Life is on hold sometimes when involved with people on their own time table. The next self examination should include a pattern of "How can I utilize my time to best serve me?" That is when the greatest good will come.

my post secret: I am "terrified" of success. Stone, cold, terrified.

Dear Cousin

To my Cuz....


I apologize to you immensely for dropping the ball. I have a notorious history of getting self involved and forgetting the world. If you accept my apology can we resume the candor and retort blogs?

I hope you accept and remain my friend despite my lack of empathy and attention. Happy New Year. Its going to be the BEST!


xoxoxo

How it Happens

Today I brought in the book mentioned in the previous post, the ARTISTS WAY. My coworker was walking by my desk, she says, " NO. You aren't going to start that now are you? I was just going to start reading that book and going down that path again!"

I responded, " I have had this book for a few months and just getting to it. I am excited."

K says, "It really works. Lets meet once a week at my house and we can do it together."

Me says, "Praise the universe! Ok then."

Affirmation that the path I am walking is the right one. Maybe its just January thats motivating or maybe its a combination of many desires. Today? I know that I am marching towards the right castle. And I am going to gain insight along the way.

Thanks Universe! I am grateful for support.

Reading

I spend a lot of time listening to music or reading online blogs, news, facebook, etc. I was reading an article I found on one of my fav spots, da faddah. There was an interview he had with another writer. In their conversation they both mentioned the best method to becoming a better writer was to read, read, read, until your eyes bleed!

To that note? I haven't read a book in almost a year. I have two books on my shelf I am dying to read. One I almost finished reading by Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job. The other is this little workbook.




Time to pick up The Artists Way and start practicing some reading and art. I feel like I have been in a creative wasteland long enough.

Has anyone else attempted this? The morning pages? Curious.

This is the Day

I had a long holiday vacation. From Dec 23 to Jan 4th, nothing but resting, sleeping, eating and taking it easy. Its awesome when most of the laundry is flannel and lounge-wear. A lot of money was spent on food and booze. I enjoyed spending time with family and friends.

Now its back to work, which is better than imagined. My IPod selection helps. Having a new boss is beneficial. The child back at school is a GREAT thing! I look forward to a NEW year. Thats something that hasn't been in my vision for a long time. I have cleared up all my previous debts and money owed. A fresh start. Having people to share that with is a bonus as well.

Now to find a nitch for the creativity. I need that back in a big way. I promise that I will try to make consistent entries for my own self preservation! stay tuned.

This is the day your life will surely change... :wink:

New Years Eve

It always seems that New Years Eve reflects the past and the future for me. It has to be my favorite holiday. It began with friends, vodka and enchiladas. It ended with a walk on the beach with my good friend.

Does the beginning of the New Year reflect what is going to come? I hope so. I felt comfortable, happy and satisfied.