No more WHININ

Cuz really? all it does is piss me off. From other people too! I have noticed a rise in my frustration levels... Thats only because I can see the future and its taking too long to get here! OH, and some kind of planetary "trine" was wonking me up yesterday too...

not to mention the hell of no real intimacy for what seems like a LIFETIME! sheesh. Whats a girl got to do to get some LUVIN!? lol... they say, don't want it so much.

what do they know... giggle. oh shaite. NO MORE WHINING from this point.. Ty for listening.

Test

Universe, I have put up with the men you have sent me to be healed, and nurtured.  I have been more than patient and devoted. I have been battered, beaten and yelled at... I am in need of a healing relationship with a man. I am incapable of feeling disconnected from people I connect deeply with. I feel love and show that love to whomever is close... all we have in this life that is worthwhile is love.

And Universe? Please don't send me anymore men that fuck with my emotions, mess with my head by making false promises or say they want to but dont ever make time to be with me or get to know me.... my heart is weary, my mind has been fucked with LONG enough. Maybe just send me money, so I can sit and fish all day in my house by the ocean with my kid.

And send me useful work... seems thats all I am worthy of in this lifetime, and thats not a bad thing. I don't want to want anyone anymore... thats all. Take that desire and put it in a box until its useful again.

because today? its just not.

Attention

here and now... here and now.. be FEARLESS!!!

How do I look?

Sometimes I need a person here to inform me how an outfit looks. I can't always trust my son's judgement. or the mirrors!

Urban Dictionary

Who just found it? That would be me.

There are definitions on there... yup! AND i found one for Melanie: well a bunch really but this one i decided to share.

Melanie	69 up, 23 down
	a beautiful girl. melanies are too perfect for words. they always have perfect hair. typically melanies are sweeter than sugar and envied by all. they're the ultimate girls. if you get a melanie, never let her go. it will be the worst mistake of your life, because she'll be the best you can ever get. I wish I was Melanie..." "Don't we all? giggle... maybe!

NO matter

No matter how self absorbed you become in your day to day moments, I believe in you.
No matter how selfish you are in your communication with me, I believe in you.
No matter how your avoidance of me makes me feel physically unattractive, I believe in you.
No matter what other people say about your actions, I believe in you.
No matter who or what you choose in this life, I believe in you.

Life isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be hard either, unless you choose to make it so. You can't blame me for your choices because you haven't chosen me, yet. We have a lot to learn about each other before we are going to be allowed to move forward. Please lets get on with it ok?

I don't mind not being your choice (well i do, but it wont kill me and i wont sit still sulking about it), but you are stalling both our futures with your indecision to get connected and stick with it or move past it. Get on your horse and RIDE dude! The next party is waiting your arrival and you are frackin TARDY and for some reason I am supposed to be your date.. this is BORING me.

Day in & Day out...

Gratitiude. I am trying to fit that word into my mouth today and it is tasting bittersweet. I hope to move past this quickly, and maybe moving my body around would help!!

Two more weeks.. two more weeks... two more weeks... please give me a piece of candy until this cancer is cut out from my living space.

A good song...

Kishi Bashi

I found Manchester... by Kishi Bashi...

The lyrics are beautiful, and the sound mix reminds me of some kind of homecoming. Talent is an amazing discovery at any turn.

Don't you cherish creativity? Its the true expression of passion and thoughts in motion. MORE and more and more please!!!!

Counselor, Friend

Today I had the privilege to help out a friend with conversation. Counseling and feedback. I love her and wish her the best as she is one of the few people in this world that I immediately connected with on a deep level.

Randolph was another. Steve K. from college, Wilene, Donald, Kat, wow, not many others! Life is joyous. Embrace!

Paris

Hello My Paris friend that reads my blog so religiously. I appreciate your watching my space. Pipe up and say hi sometime...

I would love to know you. thanks for making me feel validated, no matter! <3


turns out you could be a "bot"... strange though as you access specific posts... hm.

Friend

some of the truest words ever spoken. the ideas that others have about you aren't based on who you are. don't base your opinion of yourself on their misconceptions of you. 

"Whatever people think of you is really about the image they have of you, and that image isn't you." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz


remember this baby. always. 

This Idea

I got some GOOD feedback on my idea yesterday. VERY good feedback. I am going to start doing some more research. I think I know what it is I am looking for, and now is the time to really get this moving forward.

So, research includes going to LA to look at some products, talking to some bike makers, and really getting down to what materials would be best to produce this.

Safety is an issue as well. The real deal will be the "accessories"... oh yea. I hope you come on board. It sure will be FUN to brainstorm with you. Might be all that ever happens between us, but our minds are similar so, that will WORK for me. boooyea!

Feelings

i have them. deeply. for you. and your pushing me away. i will live. i wont be as happy about it, but I will live. i was hoping you would be the hansel to come and pick up gretel's heart, bandage it up and treat it with kindness.

I guess some candy wouldn't hurt.