REALLY?

Dude that was basically a ghost boyfriend living in my apartment, you need to change your address. The Police have been here looking for you,  I am getting notices from the State, delinquent account notices and other mail that I am going to start burning!

Sheesh... there should be a warning label attached to some people... FRAUDULENT appearance... proceed with caution!

Decisions

There seems to be a lot more for me to learn about life. I wasn't ready for it all at once, but I am an excellent mermaid, and can ride the tides with ease. I just need a cove for a few days to watch the current before I get back out into the undertow. I need room to make some decisions.

I need a safe place to allow all the thoughts to fly up in the air, watching them like a fairy dance and seeing the colors cascade about in conjunction with each other. Which colors reach you the easiest? Which ones that make you smile the most? Which ones last the longest? Which colors fade and leaving a spot on your retina taking time to disappear?

I want my sketch book, a bag of pencils, a tree and time to make sense of it all... a few kisses wouldn't hurt!

Time for Peace

I can't tell you why some people are more talented than others, creatively. Its a mystery! I know that there are times when I am flowing like a river and times when my creativity is the dry creek bed.

One element through it all is happiness and enjoyment. If I have too much time spent on others or with others, there is a longer time for me to come back to center. When I am centered and not distracted, things flow for me. totally! So the manifestation is to have enough money flowing that i can work on my own projects and get my artistic communication out there~

Yea!!! AND in 6 days, I am going to drive away and really have some time alone to think and draw and be. long time coming.

Comfort

I felt comforted yesterday. Your renewed presence lifted my perspective and outlook. This morning I woke up with paintings on my mind. Inspiration bb.

I am grateful for the circumstances that brought me to where we noticed each other. Stepping out is the next move. Am I worthy? I feel alive with self confidence. There is comfort and I can allow things to be as they are. Yea bb.

Comprende nada

Not sure I understand much of anything anymore... the wind blows, my mind goes, the garden grows...

fighting fears of the known and unknown. life is the present and always moving, sometimes with a turbulence. I want you, and don't want fear to enter there.

you are clearly defined in your wants. maybe i should be more so in mine.

Moment

Words are words. They don't properly define feelings in many cases. You perceive your world through the physical. Five senses guide our radars into the unkown. How educated are you into honoring the instinctual capabilities of you???

Have you run through a forest with your eyes closed and not hit one single tree?? I have. Trust is an asset and never based on history. Trust is based in the moments. Live there.

Grin and eat peaches

No matter what she does you can smile with out hate. Her reality is her creation which will soon be out of yours. BONUS!!!!!

Just buy more peaches.

signature

I am the one
I am alone
I have a friend
I have a throne
I have a laugh
I have a smile
I wish for you to stay awhile.

there is no now
there is no then
I saw a pigeon
I saw a wren
I saw some branches
I sat down to breathe
frightened peacock approached me

I sing the song
I like to hear
a song that echoes
in a mermaids ear
joy is hope
pain is passion
moments spent in prone aggression

colors are bright
eyes will glimmer
the storm will pass
the leaves will shimmer
I have no courage
my will isn't pride
I meet the truth on the other side.


melanie 8/17/12

Administration

I was supposed to do a photo shoot today with a friend of mine. I got a text this morning he was "checked in" to a psych ward.Yikes! I havent talked to him much in the last year, but when I did he seemed ok to me. That just goes to show you how well actors can disguise themselves. I am concerned that the pressures of his home life have driven him out side what he is capable of dealing with.

Anyway, it got me to thinking about the creative mind and the processes of that. Some artists have the balance of left and right brain thinking, others (like myself) not so much. Left brain has about half the power that my right brain commands. In other words, the left brain is a nice place to visit, but there is no way I could live there.

Understanding of the power I am capable of wielding from sticking with my genetic code has only become completely obvious to me since I was resigned from my last corporate prison cell. I was on the road to ruin quickly under the guise that I had to have "insurance and other benefits" along with my job. The only reason I used them was because I was sick of sitting there with people that didn't appreciate me for 8-10 hours a day.

I am curious to see if there is a process for us creative types to have some admin capabilities that aren't based on traditional means of input. Worth exploring huh? Maybe I should develop audio task list software, or just have ourselves a robot that can do all that tedious work for us....

Ok i am off to finish up some data entry.. bleck. Maybe if i did it in the Nude it would make me feel more free? lol... sigh... I am grateful to have work that needs monitoring!

sparkly

Its nice that we can just talk and talk and talk and talk. I don't feel pressured or alone, or dependent. I just feel, and thats so nice.

more liciousness please!  and some twangy country guitar music certain to make you sick! giggle...

Stand up~!

You know everyday is a lesson.... Standing up for myself is the longest lesson that has taken the longest for me learned.

I always have felt like I was going to miss out on something if I stood up for myself. I felt I was going to be missing out on an adventure or an experience if I didn't give in to something that made me feel a little uncomfortable. Now i realize that its a matter of degrees! Somethings aren't worth experiencing.

Learning my own boundaries has been a LONG process... and i have the scars to prove my battle readiness. I am now seeking the salve to heal the deeper wounds I carry.

I know he is out there waiting for me to soothe him as well... now the lesson of continued patience kicks in. Dear one, please know that I believe you are there, and I am willing to heal you as i wish you to heal me.

lets play!!!