BORED AGAIN

I am angry with myself because I am bored at my job. I am in fear of jeopardizing it. I work on finding ways to get past the boredom and nothing is helping. I don ‘t feel encouraged about my work. I don’t feel supported in finding new things to do. It’s a good job with good people. The work is not difficult and its barely creative. It is BORING ME TO DEATH.

I am capable of much more. This stagnation is depressing me. I am trying to find ways to educate myself on software programs etc. that I use at my job. I am getting NO help from my boss in doing this. When I mention it he basically blows me off (ie: ignores my questions, evades an answer, changes the subject, etc.) How is THAT encouraging to want to work for someone?

This morning I even considered filing for disability so that I could get some free time to explore becoming more artistic in my work efforts. I don’t feel like I am helping anyone with the attitude I have now. That HAS to change for my mental and physical health.

I pray today will be the day that I can step up and make things different for me.

This is the Day

I had a long holiday vacation. From Dec 23 to Jan 4th, nothing but resting, sleeping, eating and taking it easy. Its awesome when most of the laundry is flannel and lounge-wear. A lot of money was spent on food and booze. I enjoyed spending time with family and friends.

Now its back to work, which is better than imagined. My IPod selection helps. Having a new boss is beneficial. The child back at school is a GREAT thing! I look forward to a NEW year. Thats something that hasn't been in my vision for a long time. I have cleared up all my previous debts and money owed. A fresh start. Having people to share that with is a bonus as well.

Now to find a nitch for the creativity. I need that back in a big way. I promise that I will try to make consistent entries for my own self preservation! stay tuned.

This is the day your life will surely change... :wink:

Anatomy of Love

Today in my car on the 15 min vigil, my ONLY alone time anymore, I was thinking about what it is to love. What is love. One of the times I have felt love is in watching someone you love in the process of being. Watching someone as they discover something new. That look of wonder. The look on their face as they describe their passions. What they do to reveal those in physical ways. Expressing their knowledge of themselves.

The Look of Love

You turned your head
looking up from your work
Observance stance no agenda
Appreciating your hands

Your eyes were full
expressing your aptitude
passion had tinted them
a deeper shade of blue

I reached to touch
the skin that contains
a soul in motion state
feeling the energy

wanting to crawl inside
become a part of process
the mind that brings the
inside out cool smooth

You looked at me
in a lust full gaze
and we fell into it
the moment a tidal wave

how that moment changed
from its pure process to
pure enjoyment going beyond
a physical connection manifested

come love and lay
be your self inside
with me beside you
lets manifest a union

by Melanie M. © 03-2008