BORED AGAIN

I am angry with myself because I am bored at my job. I am in fear of jeopardizing it. I work on finding ways to get past the boredom and nothing is helping. I don ‘t feel encouraged about my work. I don’t feel supported in finding new things to do. It’s a good job with good people. The work is not difficult and its barely creative. It is BORING ME TO DEATH.

I am capable of much more. This stagnation is depressing me. I am trying to find ways to educate myself on software programs etc. that I use at my job. I am getting NO help from my boss in doing this. When I mention it he basically blows me off (ie: ignores my questions, evades an answer, changes the subject, etc.) How is THAT encouraging to want to work for someone?

This morning I even considered filing for disability so that I could get some free time to explore becoming more artistic in my work efforts. I don’t feel like I am helping anyone with the attitude I have now. That HAS to change for my mental and physical health.

I pray today will be the day that I can step up and make things different for me.

motivation

My friend called me today. I was so glad to hear from her. She gave a deadline on a project we are working on together. And I thanked her for that. I know having a deadline for projects is much better for me. I procrastinate due to insecurity. Fear of success and exposure.

I believe that education in some areas of my artistic talents are needed before moving on with confindence. Maybe things aren't meant to work out that way, who knows. I am moving onward to a new avenue with my art. And for that I am extremely thankful.

School

I had a dream I went back to school in the mountains. I was conflicted about why I was going. The night I first arrived to live in the dorm, I found the room I was supposed to have wasn't ready. I was placed in a room that was "temporary". I wandered outside that night with my notebook and a blanket to observe my surroundings.

When I woke up to the sounds of student voices, and I realized I had fallen asleep outside. I stared up at the sky and saw mountains. They were snow capped with clouds hanging above. Thinking in my mind how beautiful the setting. When I looked down I saw students playing soccer, and blowing bubbles. I wandered around and observing scenarios of student interaction, thinking I would be able to take some great pictures there. I found my dorm and wandered back inside.

Upon entering the dorms, I came across a man that had helped me from the beginning. I asked him to help me find my way. He apologized about the room situation. He didn't mean to mislead me. He gave me a sock with a long note upon it. He hugged me and whispered in my ear but I couldn't make out what he was saying. He seemed sad, that he was very attached to me, but he was going to leave.

I wandered the dorm watching various scenes and found my room. Then I found my friend, that assume was my boyfriend as we were sleeping in the same bed. I told him where I thought my new room was going to be and he left to go and find it. I was gathering up my belongings to move and he called, saying, I found the room. Its where you said it would be. As I was leaving the old room I thought to myself, I don't know what I want from this relationship and wasn't sure where it was going or if it would last. And that I was completely happy to be learning again. And the note on the sock had disappeared.

Brandon & Claudia

Last night I dreamt I was on a date with Brandon Frasier. and no... it wasn't sexual.

Dreams

I normally type my dreams out on my Dream blog. I don't do that as much anymore. This life has gotten crazy, and I don't have the best "organizational skills". If I did, there wouldn't be forgotten birthday cards, Kid would be enrolled in camp, etc.

Last nights dream has begun to fade. But in the dream I was at a crossroad. The same road, over and over again. I remember it was on top of a hill. It was a sunny day. I stopped at the road, looking around at the houses around me. I recognized my town, but not the houses. This was a new corner for me. I would approach the intersection from the same side over and over again. No cars one time. One car another time. But sunny and nothing to be worried about. I would cross the street then the dream would move on to another section. After that brief segment, I would be back on the same corner, and crossing the street again. Same time, same position, same lighting, same grass, same houses, same motion with my head.

Now, my first reaction was that I am at a crossroads. Its time to cross a road regarding something. I don't know where it is I am going. The segments in between these crossings involved a cabin with some friends, sleeping and partying. One of the scenes was a hotel where I was with some family. I don't know how all this interacts. But it does.

One of the interesting thing about my dreams is that in time all these elements make sense. They come to life in some way and I am enlightened to what it was trying to tell me. The pain in the ass is that I don't get it right away when I see the pictures.

I believe its time for me to get back into the studio and start doing artwork again. I need the relief. And the inspiration. And the outlet. Art is a part of what makes me who I am. Time to reconnect. Maybe thats what this dream is telling me.

ANYWAY! Its Wednesday, I keep thinking its Tuesday, and I have just enough clean clothes that I don't have to do laundry till Friday! now THAT is accomplishment for me this week. SAD... very very sad.

gotta get a life. :wink:

THEIVES!!!

I have recently been perusing the illustration blogs trying to get some inspiration to start painting and illustrating again. Today I came across a blog by an illustrator named Luc Latulippe through another illustrator named Chad Covino. (Both extremely talented people).

A company in Hong Kong has downloaded his entire blog, published it in China and is selling it online. D*MN!!!!

Beware. You never know who is out there stalking and plagiarizing. I am not so sought after, but others may be. Be informed. and stay abreast of information about web thieves.

Good Luck Luc and Chad!