Expendable

Do I feel disposable? Not worthy of time or of attention? The law of attraction states that we attract to us what we are wanting, do I want people to see me as unimportant? I don't view myself as unimportant, but maybe outwardly I am giving off that energy. I have been feeling a bit run down and tired lately... spirit is giving me the time to rest I suppose.

I have been reaching out. Time to reach within. Put up the mirror and remind myself of all I do and all I am. With a smile and a heart hug.

internet HELL

I love internet dating! I have met a few really nice people... some not so nice.

Today's horror story:
I was speaking with a gentleman that lived in Hollywood. Nice man. One lunch date, we hit it off really well and became friends, nothing more. We have similar minds so it was easy flow conversation. We kept in touch by text and phone calls discussing family life and work. I hadn't heard from him in a week or two, so I sent him a text saying Hey you out there? Reply... yes.. I said, is everything ok? then the phone rings. He is calling...

me: This is Melanie
him: Hello... (a WOMAN'S voice)
me: HI.
HER: Are you trying to reach jeff?
me: yes who is this?
Her: my name is renee. I am jeff's girlfriend of 9 years... who is this
me: hi My name is Melanie
her: I am guessing he didn't tell you about me.
me: No.. didn't come up. Wow. Yikes. But honestly there isn't anything going on between me and Jeff.
her: well blah blah blah something rude and hateful
me: Seriously renee, Jeff and i are strictly platonic. there is no reason for you to be angry or nasty to me, i didn't do anything.
her: well you are among many
me: well, again, like i said, we didn't even talk about anything but work and our kids. so you can drop the attitude with me.
her: Yea well this phone number is going off.
me: sounds like a good idea to me. and thanks renee for calling me and letting me know. i appreciate it.
her: yea well goodbye
me: bye

I text-ed her after that saying thanks again, and instead of dumping the phone you should probably dump Jeff... seems like a better idea. giggle...

And last night, I got put "on hold" (whatever that means) by another man who contacted me via internet.

TY so much both of you for reminding me why I am super grateful to be a single woman. My heart is worthy of much more than this madness.

Plannit.

I just don't get how I let myself fall into the cracks of "daydreaming" and lose track of time so quickly. I freakin need a day planner, as in someone who plans out my day, and I just follow along. I guess that could be me.

Because right now? I have 4 billion things to do and I am sitting on my katoocus at the desk writing on my BLOG!!!! ha.

i got ta move it move it... (whiste n shake)

Lets Unpack.

One fine day long ago, I walked into a bar where my girlfriend was working. I was at the counter writing in my journal. Not long after I got there, a man walked in and sat down next to me. He was with a woman friend of his. His friend gets up to go to the bathroom. At this point, my bar-tending friend says, "I have someone I want you to meet, Jeff." I turn to look at him. The eyes that turned and looked at me that night spooked me. I had a significant dream about those eyes 2 years before I met him. Even though I was intrigued, I ran away. To no avail, he came back over and over again. The universe threw us together for reasons I am still learning today. The few years that followed I lived in a beautiful hell I can still recall at special moments. This exquisite pain shows up especially when I see similar behaviors exhibited in another.

What made this one so special, for one, Jeff wouldn't sleep with me. The 3 years we lived together, he slept on the couch. Another, Mr. Handsome would call me slut in the middle of the night because I had talked to one of his friends while we were all sitting around drinking. Also, he would disappear for days without communication. In his mind, he didn't owe me any type of explanation even though he knew I would be worried, or would have given me shit if I had done that! I paid for our rent, and bills... I was the caregiver. That lead me down a road to weight gain, self sabotage and disbelief that love was a good thing. Self abuse was my lifestyle as I didn't see anyway out at that very moment. To this day a scar lives in me that reminds me to not fall into that trap again. Don't let people treat you with disrespect via their own fears or issues. Do not enable their crap. Be there if they need you with what you can offer, but NOT at the expense of your good heart or good nature.

I realize that we all choose where we stand or sit in our lives. I don't know who was inside my body for those years. I had one or two friends that gave up on me because I wasn't seeing the problems. There is no blame for any of it. Life holds no blame. Part of the issue was not being properly supported/educated to focus, ask for what I wanted and believed I could receive those things without suffering. Or believe in myself at all.

There is a possibility of spending some time reliving past relationship experiences upon encountering new people that enter our circle. And even though I have moved far beyond that space, there is a fear of the "couch daze" making a repeat performance. I look into the eyes of the new people/men I meet, I listen to the soothing tones of their stories. I can hear with an open mind every time, but the minute I cross over that line in the sand towards caring, the little prickly burrs of fear start collecting. I keep picking them off one by one.. eventually these burrs will be burned in a fire created by a love that sees me, we can embrace openly and honestly; a friend, companion, lover, child, man.

I know that I am going to fall in love at some point again. Then, we can sit together by the fire and toss these little insignificant remnants to the past, creating a path towards the freedom of smiling relieved of our residual fears.

Great quote I heard the other day:
Everyone comes with baggage, find someone that loves you enough to help you unpack. 

I am that person... who are you?

why

You know the universe puts people in our path for a reason. And as I sit here in silence I wonder why you have been placed in my path. A choice you made is why we are here. You pulled me in, brought me to you. Now after the moments, where are we? And why do I spend any time questioning it?  Is there a reason you are questioning yourself?

I know how I feel, no questions. Maybe I am not seeing why I don't measure up in your eyes. Would I change to make that happen?  How long do you wait for your heart to decide again its ok to love?

Love isn't safe dear ones. Love is a hurricane, a thunderstorm, a rainbow, a smile, a good luck charm, a reason to have that shit eating grin from a day spent between the covers, a sharp rock that scars you, a splinter that irritates, a brain spasm at any moment when that persons smile flashes in your mind, the eyes that look up at you from the pillow, the whispers you hear in the wind, reminding you that all of life is beauty and perpetuating suffering by isolation is useless.

Walk into the dream darling... take a deep breath, sit down on the hammock and enjoy the sounds of the waves of love that fall all around you, whispering to you that you may not be safe from all hurt, but your home where band aids and soothing kisses are plentiful. you can call me nurse mel! and i can call you doctor... if you are into that sort of thing! giggle...

yea. lets swing the hammock in tandem.

smile...

Interesting that yesterday I ran into all kinds of issues. left and right, and no matter, i was smiling! simple reason for that... you said hello.

I often wonder if there is a test going on that I miss all the answers on. Like how many days can the universe show you where you need to grow before you break down and scream like a hungry angry love deprived monkey. Then the universe brings in all the ones looking to take something from you... And yet? still smiling.

I can do this, today. I can DO this!!!!

the lonely lists.

You know there are so many laws set forth by man in this universe. The 10 commandments, the laws of attraction, the laws of dating, the laws of social interaction, the lists are endless. We all set out to define how we are supposed to be around the others. It becomes so convoluted that you don't know if you are coming or going sometimes. Whats he going to think if I do that. Whats she going to say if I do that!!! How are we going to perceive the next thing that comes down the road towards us? Threat or treasure!? I am so battle weary.

I have spent nights in the arms of people that I loved but didn't love themselves enough to ever really love me. That being said, I am not the type to give up on someone I love. Its caused me countless scars. I am seen as a fool or a sucker more often than not. You ask, how is that helping your life? I guess in the long run it doesn't in regards to the lists. What I know is that I am an evolved woman, ready to give her heart without hesitation to the man that wants it, deems it worthy, see's it for the light it can provide on a daily basis. I am not without my faults. Every peak has a cavern. Every day has a night. I am no different a creature of these physical aspects of the universe.

I am free now to choose a new partner and a new life. Have been for over 2 years. I am walking down that road. I want to believe his honesty, his passion and our connection. Faith... melanie Faith.

My Self

Self doubt is by far my most selfish action. It allows me to accomplish absolutely nothing with false justification. I see it and release that resistance. I am accomplishment.

Question

The question was, success or failure? (in regards to business)

Forecast? Abundance. right on!!!!

Late night at the Oasis

Sometimes things surprise you. Last night I was pleasantly surprised. I am not sure traditional methods are at work here. I have to trust my instincts and gain respect.
Respect is mandatory for moving forward.

Hostility

Today I woke up tired, and then drank coffee... It usually makes me a bit edgy/grumpy. The only bonus to that today was saying how I felt. I also accomplished tasks I have been putting off for a while now.

Now, one more HUGE push next week, and I think that i will be organized and ready to face the "classroom". School starts Jan. 23rd... taking 10 hours? yea four classes.

Don't need luck, need brain support! Diet, exercise and sleep.... BRING IT!

manifestation, destination, beautiful sensation!

The Escape

I was in a room with a man, a stranger. We seemed to know each other. We spoke like we knew each other. When we tried to leave this area, there was danger. Jungle animals had blocked the entrance. We both looked for ways out alone, but ultimately I came up with an escape route. You followed me and we ran!

I finally ended up at a bar in a resort hotel in the mountains. I asked for a glass of water. A man was sitting next to me. He was feeling unhappy and I cheered him up with some banter. They gave me some beautiful water bottles to take with me. He and I discussed heading upstairs together, but I think we walked instead.

I ended up alone in the snow heading to my car afraid, walking through the snow. I jumped in, warmed up the car and headed down the mountain. My car swerved off the road into a leather shoe shop. I went in to shop and woke up.

Juicer

Ok people. A new year and a new challenge. I have decided to really get back into shape, watching what I eat more closely and throwing in juices, thanks to my wonderful parents for purchasing me a breville juicer for my Christmas present!

Also I must consider going a bit more "raw" with my food intake. I have been reading up on supplements for the brain, and what to do there. A very fine lady is going to help me with my quest, Ninaya.  I welcome the opportunity to find the real joy inside through healthier eating and living. Choosing minute by minute to become more clear.

I encourage you all to consider your bodies and what they need to be fed in order to preform in the optimum condition! Day one starts on Saturday!!!

Again

This dream of you. I am glad you showed up! More please.

Communication

I had a dream about you. You were standing next to me in a rain coat, not sure WHAT you had on underneath, but you were mumbling... something under your breath while you looked at me with wondering eyes. You want to tell me something, but you are afraid to do it. Or you are so nervous you are unsure what to say when you are around me. I woke up in confusion of how to help you get past that. I also realized then you have to want to.

I asked the universe today how we are going to get past this. How are we going to talk to each other. This card showed up.


Peacefully and lovingly. Wonderful.

Four Leaf Clovers

Night before last I dreamt of you. You couldn't figure out what to say to me... You stumbled and mumbled all the while looking at me... turning in circles, asking for patience. You have it.

Last night I dreamt of four leaf clovers. Succulent abundant everywhere I looked, four leaf clovers. That was only part of the dream.

Every night the dreams I have are vivid symbolism of what is to come. I vow to spend a few mins in the morning to write them down.

Hello world, we will all benefit from our singular good fortunes! Let your light shine.

Passion

Hello! Where have you been hiding?

I could use you to come out and play these next 10 years or more. I would love to be inspired again. About anything.

BRING IT!

Guts

Last night the strangest feeling came over me... I felt like my insides were being electrified. Some kind of twisted feeling, that was being thinly contained by my skin and bones. I was on fire, and couldn't escape.

I thought about you again. You appeared in my dreams for a second time, and I am not sure where that fits. I can't see you for all the reeds and mirrors you throw up to deflect feelings.

I feel your stress, I feel your emotions. Please don't run mad into the night and forget why you are here. Who is there for you. Why do we all have fire in our hearts that make us reach for disaster? Are we willing to be burnt over and over again?

I don't play dirty, I don't chase. I wont lie. These complexities make me beautiful. A shiny fish woman in the ocean hiding in her own shadows, having been chased there by the demons in my head. How can I wiggle out of these invisible tethers in order to become the best me? And do you require some kind of bait? or do you see the real me?

This isn't meant for me, my strengths are being tapped. Bring me your love and joy. Bring me your fierce strength and know this mermaid has a heart worth winning. You just have to get past the scars from this lifetimes shark bites. I have ointment to soothe yours as well.

Keep on chasing down that rainbow
You'll never know what you might find
Over the sunset on the horizon
Maybe you dream but it tastes like poison
I'm gonna take that tiger outside for a ride
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!

Someday you might find your hero
Some say you might lose your mind
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!
What a life!

Christmas Set up

Christmas mood is a bit of a downer this winter. I am going to Texas to see my family and that will be wonderful, but in my heart I want to be home in Santa Barbara with my Organic Soup Kitchen family. I have worked all year for this event, and wont be here to enjoy it! But you all can,

Please sign up to enjoy an event, the 3rd Annual Organic Soup Kitchen Dinner and bring me along with you in spirit.

Happy Holidays my loving and gracious comrades.

Day 21

Well, here we are. Started fiber. Not working yet... i expect great things today though! giggle. I am doing well on the eating. I have to say that chocolate is my BIGGEST nemesis. I must take that demon by the throat and tame it soon.

I have been doing my morning tonics... Now to beef up on the leafy greens, juices and extra water. Something I realized, I hold my stress in my intestines. Must get some "louise" magic going on that area of the body.

Today? A morning meeting a new friend, finishing up volunteer spot designations, template for my website, texting a friend in need, taking a nap, and a possible christmas card for my friends and family. Then the boys chores!!!!

I love you and I me, and there is a lot of me to go around. Lets support each other in becoming the best we can be for ourselves and others.

DreamTime

I had a WILDly strange dream last night. In part of the dream there was a store/retail establishment called Sharing dreams (or something like that, sharing time, etc). You go in and they have couches where you spend time with your pets. You dress up in costume and then you have "quality time". The bottom floor had costumes, accessories and pets you could RENT!

oh and my ex was there. not J, Don.

Day 22

The countdown continues!!!!

Today I woke up and cooked myself (and others) eggs in coconut oil, with avocado and fresh tomatoes on the side. Apple slices too. Then off to work at the school. I was bad and didn't do my tonic (wrist slap) and drank 3 cups of coffee! Tomorrow I will be better.

Then after working at the school this morning a meeting with a truly wonderful woman who is helping me with my desire to get this body healthy and functioning without as many internal aches. I have had an ache in a specific area of my body for a few years, not realizing what the cause was. We discovered it. I hope I can choose my health over that pesky desire to eat chocolate and sugar! Daily choice of not putting poisons in my body.

What will I find at the end of this road? A refreshed version of me. I hope my mind really enjoys all this work. I know that my body is going to be muy thankful!

Snubbing old age, eating well, continuing my mind work, daily body toning and Yoga. A retreat is in my future... oh yea! Day 22? I LOVE YA!

Day 23

Well day 24, I cleaned out the garage, got rid of some furniture, and basically did a few domestic chores.

Day 23 is upon us! I am awake after not a lot of sleep last night. Cleaned out the  hamster cage, heading to Costco for some dish soap and an insane amount of toilet paper! Then, dropping off some donations to Goodwill, listing a few more things on Craigslist, and a Christmas card the boy and I are going to work on. YOGA. Tonight I might need a sitter. Any takers?

all my friends, I wish you well on this glorious california day. xo

25 Days of Me!

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my "Let it Go" yoga classes in the am. I LOVE my yoga teacher. Its not a traditional class, its a stretch and relax yoga class. I am the kind of girl that has a tendency towards high energy, higher thinking, always gearing up on how to most efficiently accomplish the next task to be completed. I need this class every day, in other words. How come I can't solely focus on myself? What is it I am avoiding!? Why can't I stay in the now? Hence, breath into the "me". Find the "me" lotus. Today, during my "Happy Baby Pose", I had an epiphany. The 25 days of Me... oh yea.

A couple of days ago, a wonderful lady friend of mine did an hour session with me talking about what my nutritional, exercise, body goals are. We set some short term parameters in order to get the structure set up.  I am on a mission to relearn myself. Look in the mirror and smile. Enjoy the moment to moment existence that a lot of others on this planet seem to have a grip on.

I start with exercise, and emotional eating. I have five days planned out, Tues and Thursday for sure. My goal is the next 25 days with a class each day, or doing yoga at home. Today? Yoga at home with the kiddo. Oh yea! Will help to have him on board with some exercise too.

Day #1: Let it Go Yoga with Jan... complete
Day #2: Yoga at home with son... pending pick up.
Day #3: Yoga at home, go to the Y.

keep ya posted.

Analysis #59 (and counting)

I have been doing self help work for a while now. Years in fact. I still fall into some of the old patterns from time to time. Like feeling sorry for myself, which is never a good use of my energy. Its basically just an excuse to not have to accomplish anything and laze about eating bad food!!!!

Today a reminder hit my email thanks to a stranger I was hoping to become friends with. It was that rejection based on assumption that really opened my eyes. This process is basically the way I treat myself. When I make my food choices, exercise choices, friend choices, I tend to be single sighted and feed those individually instead of visualizing the whole picture. This body is a tool for me to use in order to accomplish the things I want to accomplish! I must treat it with a greater amount of respect.  Today is that day to begin fresh and start anew.

All of me, why not take all of me???? :whistle:

Thanks

I had a wonderful day yesterday serving food, working with beautiful people, and loving life. I hope you all had days full of smiles and memories.

Thanks for everyday I am here and able to do what I love.

I choose

This morning I woke up in a bit of a downer, because I had such a wonderfully free day yesterday, and now awake, back in the throws of real life. But one minute in time can change your entire perspective.

I was sitting sipping my coffee leftover from my drive home, looking at some tarot cards I pulled on Monday regarding a situation, and the phone rang. A volunteer that is LOST!!! I had the same issue the first time I went to help out at the Organic Soup Kitchen. I had a very pleasant conversation with her, and got her back on the road to food prep land. So grateful to have the reminder of what a wonderful time I am going to have this week; amazing people, amazing abundance and amazing results. And I get to share this with my son. Oh yea!!!

Reminder to self: I choose. I have the power to choose the things that affect me or don't. Allowing and accepting are the only real choices to maintain my true happiness within. I have been given so much abundance, I am grateful that it always comes to me and I can share that with others.

Now if I invited you to join me, would you like to spend some time with me and some other special people getting to know each other in community and joy? I am going to reach out and try.

My body

Looking at a picture of me from 4 years ago, I was appalled!!!! I was HUGE. I am glad that i have turned this around, but wow. eye opener! I had good friends around me that loved me, so it wasn't much of a concern that I wouldn't be loved as a big woman. Interesting at the time I didn't feel ugly, just uncomfortable.

Growing up my body didn't require ANY working out to stay slim. I was hugely active and no matter what I ate, I burnt it off. I mean don't get me wrong, I am built very very curvy, I just didn't have any excess fat. As I hit my 30s and drank more, that changed. I didn't move as much and the calories from the sugar hit me. I wasnt huge, but I started getting self doubt and getting bigger. Then full on pregnancy and a break down in my ankle, I gained a lot of weight. I was huge!

Realizing something had to change, I had an ankle operation. I couldnt lose weight not being able to utilize that ankle. It is amazing to be pain free after 10 years of everyday swelling in my ankle!!! GRATITUDE! The surgery took a while to heal, and I couldn't walk during that time. (more weight) Then I could and didn't want to, self esteem issues and a boyfriend that just wasn't right for me. After that break up, I knew, it was time to rethink my life.

My next step was gastric bypass surgery, and that lead to a weight loss of over 100 lbs (i have about 30 more to go for my ideal weight). My body can MOVE!!! I am looking and feeling sexier than I have in years. The girl woman I see in the mirror is a bit foreign to me seeing as she disappeared around the age of 32. During this process I have re-learned a lot about myself and  learning new things. Especially about my intimate encounters, personal relationships are going to be fun and exciting for me now. Its about TIME! I may seem a bit naive, silly and youthful in a lot of ways, but there is a depth of maturity and wisdom. and Just simple warning: never underestimate a Pisces. Pisces are supremely mellow, but will lash out when they feel attacked. 

So, look for me on the streets. I am the giggling lady with the new look in her eyes. Maybe its for you, if you look deep enough to find it, dear fish.

An old Post

This post (Rene Magritte - The lovers) from 2007 gets the MOST hits on my blog when the search comes up. And there is such a truth to this image.

In art school, I did a copy of this painting because the image is so impactive for me, I wanted to try it myself. A couple of years later a boyfriend of mine took a knife to it and shreaded it in front of me. I have learned a lot about myself and men over the years. Abuse was only part of it. Joy was the most of it. Truth can be the most elusive element. Taking moments to know each other is a requirement most men have no patience for.


Moving on to a different comment about Magritte's amazing image. As far as I am concerned, don't worry about hiding who you are from me. I take life as it is, all your faults and secrets are as beautiful as your strengths in my eyes, friends. The more honest the more attractive. Let it out! Once you do, most of it fades away and the sparkly bits gather more light. Just sayin.

Jellies

Ok its official. Mellies Jelly's are being sold for the first time tomorrow. Its going to be at a small boutique in Goleta CA, so basically its a market testground for me. Get the opions of my product via the public.

I blame Anthony Carroccio for the inspiration. I am hoping if all goes well, 20% of the profits will go to his "non-profit" organization, The Organic Soup Kitchen. I have been working with him since April and thoroughly enjoy my work.

I have only about 6 or 7 different products. I will keep you informed after the show! Wish me luck. xo


UPDATE: Nailed it!!! The A game was in town and i sold almost everything I took there. Yes. well proven fact. I .. CAN... CooK!!!!!

Short Fuse

For a long time, I had a VERY short fuse fueled by my intolerance to all sorts of things. I realize that anger isn't my friend. Forgive me if I stomp off sometimes out of frustration. Its just that most of this life bores me to tears, and I have a difficult time finding a happy medium in some moments.

I am truly a very happy person, I just don't hold much in and it can cause a few fire spurts here and there. Then I am back to mellow charming smiling positive me! Maybe I am lacking something... like a three letter word that ends in X. yea.

Scattered

i don't understand what my brain does with certain information! i feel like there is a space in my head that always needs filling with something, and if its empty my mind makes up stuff to put in there, filling the void! scary... just damn scary.

I figured it out!!!! If I let go, and let all the air out of those tires on that vehicle, I just say what I feel, then it works out, and leaves my brain. And I am back on track. If you get notes from me that are honest and forthright, I am grateful for your attention and your responses, negative or positive. Don't hold back. Do you really want to spend your life in regret by not saying what is in your heart because of what someone else might think????  They are going to think what they want to anyway no matter WHAT you say. BE FREE!!!! Be kind. Be loving... Be honest. And do it along with me.

call me

You know you want to! LOL. your voice is ringing in my head, and I would love to hear it again... and again.

Full Moon

 

Stop making waves in my soul!!!

Wait

Didn't I say wait a min??? i think that means wait a min! game over. :-(

11 - 11 - 11 V Day

A moment of gratitude today for those that chose to make our freedom their priority. Wishing you all peace.

HA!

Hello men friends. Remember that communication is a two way street. Neither of us is omnipotent. If you don't ask the questions, you only get a one way ticket to your own "fairytale" land.

Another quote from facebook I will post here:
 "Sometimes your knight in shining armour is just a retard in tin foil."



Today, I am going to write a Dear John letter. Literally!!!

Kissing

Smoochin' with you was a dream come true. Lovely. The only drawback to that activity is the depth of realization to how lonely I am. A painful longing for honest company and true companionship.

On the up side, being with you for now, its gonna have a huge reward. Like we get to kiss whenever we want. cheers!

Honesty

Some people really have issues with coming right out and saying whats on their mind. They do a little dance around and around trying to keep you from seeing what their truths are. I found myself with that issue the other day after a "first date". I finally relaxed into saying what was on my mind by saying to myself, How much time are you going to waste on this?

Can't you see how much energy you waste by not just saying, hey! here's what I am thinking, and even though it might cause some kind of disturbance in the force, lets move on and get to the next point and take it from there when it comes about. 

Cuz peeps? We are adults, or most of us are. Right? I will love ya anyway! promise.

hope

you know, we could sell it... but its FREE!!!! keep on keepin on baby. Life is GOOD.

Sleepin Bears

Ah. sleeping bears sleeping.

Magicians

Last nights dream had me and a friend giving a magic show. We were making MAGIC! and it was well received.

Love that one!

Driving and Parking.

I had the most MARVELOUSLY spooky dream yesterday. I was driving up a parking structure, with a car full of people, and we got close to the top climbing the up ramp. When we got closer to the top, the ramp turned to a mushy/fleshlike substance. You ran to help us. You were standing by a pillar, and when you pushed to hard on it, it broke, and made the sound of breaking bones. It seemed to me like you finally broke through to an awakening, or something new. Then, you and I continued to work together to get our car up to the top of the parking garage.

I wonder what it all means.

Expectations are killers.

People, expectations are just little signs that get in the way of seeing the bigger picture. Own it. In the meantime stop putting your signs in my lawn. My personal belief is that expectations always let you down. I want a full experience with people that are willing to withstand the time it takes to understand one another, give things a second chance, and capable of understanding that expectations inhibit reality! Now reasonable expectations are good, but... some people go to the extreme. I had a few these last couple of months and the shot me in the foot.

Expectations be DAMNED!!! Here comes that ship. Its not exactly what I wanted, but hell its a trip I am going on! no matter how short.

Bon Voyage! for now.