What I want for Mothers Day

I don't want much. Because I don't really like Mothers day. It reminds me that there will be no celebration on Father's Day. And also that some day soon, I will have to try and explain why there is no daddy. So today while I was working out I figured out a few things to ask for on this Mother's Day.

1. I want this stupid F*cking war to be over. What is the purpose of our young men dying? We are not gaining freedom, nor are we gaining lower oil prices. Instead of spending money on this war, why don't we develop affordable energy alternatives to oil?

2. I want one gallon of Bliss Lemon Sage Soapy Sap. mmmmmmm lemon and sage... or just about anything lemon & sage from bliss.

3. MAID! can you hear me universe? I need a maid. Even if its someone that watches austin so I can clean properly... I need some assistance.

4. Some room in my budget for a vacation. yea I need some time off. And a few days away from the pressures of everyday existance as a single parent.

5. Sleep. I have been getting more and more, but.. I would love uninterrupted, no regime, no wake up time sleep.


I am a very lucky woman. I feel so honored and blessed with good health, good friends, and a perfect place I call home. I love my little guy, and just spending time with him is going to be the best mother's day prezzie of all.

What do you other mothers desire? Besides a little peace?

Tagged

So Songbird has tagged me to create a 7 Things meme. She say's its for luck. We will see how that pans out, but, none the less, away we go!

Seven things about me that may surprise you:

1. I was an acolyte in my church. One of the first girls to do this in our church in the 60's.

2. I learned to swim very early. I was on the swim team from age 5- 18, I also lettered for our freestyle relay team. yea. We went to state, and I was one fourth of a winning team.

3. I was in the marching band in Jr. High and orchestra in High School. (do i sound like a geek yet?) I played the flute. I don't own one now, and wish I did. I think music is a religion all its own. I have had many debates on this subject. (since this is the music theme, I also play guitar, and sing. I wish I would do that more often)

4. I was in drama my last two years of High School (including summer theater), I wish I would have started that much earlier in my life, and continued after. I enjoyed all aspects of drama. Set making, rehearsals, and performances.

5. I have moved a lot in my life. I am semi-nomadic, and I love that about myself. It sure has made me realize so much about the people that inhabit our world. All that said, I feel like I have finally settled in a place I could put down some roots. (Had a long talk with myself about that yesterday, look for an upcoming blog)

6. I have an idea of something i would love to accomplish in this life. A business idea that I am working on mentally right now, so it will start growing in the real world. My first project will include many smiles.

7. I truly believe in the universe manifesting everything you need. Even if its bad, there is a reason for everything that happens. It just comes down to the choosing.


and a general note: I love my little man. I hope that we find him a daddy and a sibling someday. His real father is no where to be seen or heard from. Sad that. His loss.

I guess I should tag some pholks. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Loops, Anna, Cindy D, EARL!, Slyde, and Sniper Kitty. These are people I would like to learn more about!

Thanks for playing! Bring it on home bloggers!!

Our Beloved Steve

Has left the building. No more the daily blogger from the Steve Novak.

When I read his last post, it reminded me of this song. Does anyone else absolutely adore Laurie Anderson?


I met this guy
and he looked like might have been
a hat check clerk at an ice rink.
Which, in fact, he turned out to be.
And I said: Oh boy. Right again. Let X=X.
You know, it could be you.
It's a sky-blue sky.
Satellites are out tonight.
Let X=X.
You know, I could write a book.
And this book would be thick enough to stun an ox.
Cause I can see the future and it's a place - about 70 miles east of here.
Where it's lighter.
Linger on over here. Got the time? Let X=X.
I got this postcard.
And it read, it said:
Dear Amigo - Dear Partner.
Listen, uh - I just want to say thanks. So...thanks.
Thanks for all the presents.
Thanks for introducing me to the Chief.
Thanks for putting on the feedbag. Thanks for going all out.
Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army knife.
and uh - Thanks for letting me autograph your cast.
Hug and kisses. XXXXOOOO.
Oh yeah, P.S.
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.
Cause I
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.

Thanks for the laughs friend. Onward into the real world... Let X=X

Bored!

This is the first time since I have started temping at my company, before I started full time, that I have absolutely nothing to do! I mean I have one little job to complete, which will take me all of an hour, tops.

What I decided this morning is to search for Photoshop tutorials online, and polish up some of my skills. Anyone got a site to link to?

and speaking of bored, can you tell me what is wrong in this picture?



Poor Brad Penny. Its hard to see here, but on the front page of the Santa Barbara News Press sports page, about 3x4 image, Brads drawers are not zipped. May have been an amazing performance, but for some reason the Associated Press decided to distribute this picture almost exposing the cup.

Whats his momma gonna say? :giggles:

Nun Beach Sunday

Nuns on the Beach
Originally uploaded by memsahib 313.

We went to the beach for the day. Got a little crispy, but not too bad. I was so glad to have my little point and shoot digital when the sisters came out to look at and appreciate what a gorgeous day it was today.

I wish I could have talked to them, but they disappeared as quickly as they came.

happy monday to all.

Quack.

How ironic. the MALE was doing all the talking here. She was slightly wagging her tail in protest. I took this picture at Alice Keck Memorial Botanical Gardens. Check out my photo blog for details.

ghosts

i can't blog right now. I have to do private jouraling.

please bear with me.

i will be back.

memsahib

I thought I was half dead.

I am on a diet. So my coworker and I walk to Subway at least once a week. Today was our Weight Watchers meeting. I lost 4.4lbs!! wOOt. Mucho pats on the back for me! I have come a long way this year.

The subway closest to our offices is about 3/4 a mile. A good stretch of the legs. So after our meeting (yea me!) off we go to the Subway where english is the second language. I get in line to get the Monday special. Turkey and Ham. YUMMY! (There are so many stories I have from my walks to this specific subway.) After going through the veggie questions, and pay for our meal, we start to walk outside. I noticed this smallish man in line staring at me. I thought, I shouldn't look at him and lock eyes. Then as I approach and notice he is still staring at me, i realize the truth. The man is checkin out my rack! :giggles:

and here I thought I was an old saggy has been. giggles.

The Loquat

I had a virgin experience today. I ate a loquat. Yum!

The skin is a soft yellow color and very tender. There is not much fruit mostly seed. They are about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Now I am sitting here wondering how to use these little fruits to make jelly or in a recipe.

I have to get back to cooking at home more often. I love it. And there are so many new varieties of foods here in California, I am robbing my taste buds of some seriously exciting experiences.

Anyone eaten a loquat?

For Some Reason

I have started three of my six dream journals with that exact phrase. I have the worst grammar skills. I guess I never really listened in class. I usually write according to the way I think or speak.

So all you teachers and grammarian word-smiths that peruse my exposure here, please bear with me until I can re-educate myself.

and thank you for your patience.

S. Heart

I wanted to say that I love someone. Sorry that I have been so difficult to get along with lately. Thanks for being there for me. I wish you were here with me. I miss you.


I love you baby.

Bagels

You know what the best part of a bagel is to me? that crunchy skin after it has been toasted. Today is bagel day at the office. And due to the desire to love myself more, I have started eating only half. (I have lost 15lbs to date, and I plan on losing all the weight I need to by this time next year.)

bring on the low fat cream cheese and a toasty bagel please. with sesame seeds. YUMMY!

That Many Visitors? Smiling!!

I started this blog maybe a year ago, when I first moved here (to California). I did it because I was having "Blogger" issues with my old site. Thought starting fresh would be a good idea. And so the continuing saga of my life began.

I signed in this morning, looked down and my counter and I was the 5000 visitor! (I am sure at least 1/3 of that number is hits from me) Now for some of the other bloggers on my list, they reached that their first few months, because they are wittier and more colorful. All that said, I am so thankful to all that pass here bestowing me with their wisdom and insight. You provide me laughter, joy, and allow me to see a part of your life. Thank you for sharing, and letting me share in kind.

I need a pedicure. Its time to update the feet picture in celebration! :wOOOt:

Schnozzler Horn

I live in an apartment complex, and every morning, I can hear my neighbor blowing his nose. Seriously its about 7:30 AM PST there is at least two or three serious honks on the old schnozzler horn. It informs me that its time to be out the apartment and onto the bat cave. Tally ho and away we go.

i am late today. I am still in my pajamas, and the horn is honking. :giggles:

Monday Thoughts.

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up. Pearl S. Buck

I am going to seek therapy. I have bad feelings that I want to go away, and I am incapable of doing that alone. Wish me luck.

the dentist

my son went to his first dentists appointment today. I was prepared for the worst. this kid was a star!

He was polite and positively responsive the whole time. And didn't freak out when she scraped his teeth, put the suction tube in his mouth, or made him bite down on those awful negative plates for x-rays. He is going to go far if he is going to be that open to new experiences and accept them.

I don't know how much of this I am responsible for, but I was so proud. What a stellar little soul. So tolerant. He will have a blessed life with such an attitude. Good for him.

I needed some mindless fun today.

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Anna Nicole Smith

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

ooo dead celebrity boobs... YIKES!

_________________________

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Uniforms

I went over to the YMCA last night to get in a walk, and let the kid play with some kids his own age. (little prayer here: please provide an opening for my child at this pre-school). I put on my comfy pants, and T, and hit the self propelled mat, Plugged into Nano land, and tuned out.

Now as in any good gym, they have televisions that you can watch while you are walking. (in my design vision, i would have made an entire wall of trees, and nature showing while you walk, and play a nature sound track... :giggles:) The televisions are in couples. Two on one end, two in the middle, two on the other end. I was in the middle, so a nice view of the middle couple. On one television was the story of the shootings at Virginia Tech and the other one had the Home Run Derby on ESPN. So I see the cops uniforms on the one side, and the baseball uniforms on the other. I thought how fucking ironic is that! Celebrating talent of home run hitters, and the rewarding sound of the bat cracking, next to the horror of some poor man who had no grasp of reality, and a loaded weapon. What did that sound make? Then I started thinking, and looking at the difference in the uniforms. Each was wearing a uniform necessary for his function. Then, as the rambling of an ADD mind goes on, I thought what kind of uniforms do we all wear?

The poor student who was off balance for whatever reason and went out to rid himself of whatever he perceived was torturing him. What uniform was he wearing at the time? Who did he see himself as? And policemen choose to wear their uniforms. They have a vision that is ingrained, trained and protective. But what kind of uniform do each of us wear?

A spiritual leader wears a uniform to enlighten us to our souls, in connection with a God of your choosing.

A salesman wears the uniform of a provider, a sometimes pushy self preserving provider, but none the less, he provides.

A teacher wears a uniform of learning. A uniform that changes colors as the need for learning changes.

An artist wears a uniform of reflection. Reflecting visions of what they see in a form of non verbal communication.

Do you wear a uniform? Or do you change uniforms as the moment insists? Being a mom, I wear many uniforms. I change during the day to keep up with the whirlwind sponge that lives with me.

Anyway, just a few thoughts I had while treading on the mill of life. :wink:

Vodka

i do love it so. But saturday, I loved it too much. We went to an art show on Saturday night they had outdoors next to my apartment. We decided since we lived so close, that was a great way to spend a windy Saturday night.

There are a few pics on my flikr site, but I am still working on my camera skills. I was kinda glazed over from the drinks, I didn't think to work on the aperture=available light equation. Not going to post them here. If you know me, you know where to look.

Dream journal is up and running though. I really need to put something next to the bed to be more accurate, and to remember more of what I dreamt!

Dayum, sunday was a long one. I hate hangovers. that is why I only drink like that every once in a while. sighs.

SOMETHING FUN:
Go to google maps and get directions from New York, NY to Paris France. Look at number 23 on the list and then laugh. guaranteed that was the highlight of that persons day to write that.

Life

It doesn't come in a perfect shape or size.
It doesn't come with personalized instructions.
It comes at you like it is.

Appreciate its less than fine moments if you can.
They are just as important as the finer moments.
Without them, we have no balance.

I need more balance on the sleeping side though. I feel like the un-dead today. You know its bad when even coffee isn't making a dent.

I started a dream journal. do you know anyone else who does dream journaling? if so, leave me a footprint or a trail to follow. I am interested. thanks.

Mooom....

Stop taking my picture! This was his easter outfit. I hope you all had wonderful holidays.

PS: Please go and give my SISTOR a hug. She is kinda bummed this week. I know her last entry wont say, but, she got some bad news. So just do it. Give that woman a hug.

thank you all.

One more pound

I feel like a turtle on the way to this final weight loss, but I am making progress. I hate dieting with a passion. I like to eat. oh well. time to grow up i guess and be disciplined. blech.

I did though lose one more lb this week! :clap:

sorry I have been so boring lately peeps, i am supremely in the "weeds" as you would say in the restaurant biz.

More laters....

SISTOR!!

Okay. We all have family of some kind. I want you to go and visit my little sister's BLOG. She is just starting up, and could use some encouragement. She is a groovy chick, working on makin a baby, lives in Napa amidst a vineyard and is married to a really cool guy. Some people have all the luck.

Her toes aren't as pretty as mine though.. neener neener!

Think Think Think

I had a great topic while i was driving, then forgot it. Reason? I think toooo much. seriously.

Something about my asthma medicine coming with a new propellant, and how I must be completely uninformed about where the world is going. I listen to NPR in the car for about five minutes between daycare and my job.

I don't get to read anything for any length of time. I have 5 Rolling Stones magazines sitting on my table and a few Vogues too that I would LOVE to go through. I never get to be alone for that matter.

I have not had a moment to myself, even in the bathroom, for about 6 weeks now. Do I sound like a broken record yet?

Two Quotes I saw today (both by geekazoid TR):
How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I'm commited to?

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. - Tony Robbins

I need to work on that. NO... I AM working on that! :clap: (gives herself a big hug)

Hey everybody!

What color are your eyes? Mine are blue.

No more whining.

Please excuse my clone for pouting and pissing in the last entry. what a WHINER!!! You know, you raise the clone from a few good genes, you never expect a mutation. :wink:

:lol:

Frack. tomorrow's Monday again isn't it? gotta get out to the beach for a long walk. seeee ya! (yes, that is Santa Barbara, and I took it)

Sometimes

I just don't fit in. Wait. Isn't that most days? And after trying to relate to a small portion of the planet, I feel like never opening my mouth again. Desiring to just let my images speak for themselves is enough. Thing is, I can't. I hate communication, but for some reason, I am designed to expound. I wish I was more eloquent, but life is as it is. And I keep refining.

The generalization? Either you sink or swim. And mostly lately, I feel like I am treading water. The scariest thing about my situation is I have a beautiful soul needing security. I fight everyday to make the money to keep him, and the sanity to raise him. Frakkkkk. I do fall short of many things I hope to make up to him this year.

Powers that unite us in spirit, release my fears so that I may follow the bold path you have bestowed me with. If I was incapable, I wouldn't be in this position, and yet i question. Allow us both to glean in the wisdom of your decision. Cuz, damn, were in a tight spot!

I Feel Sick...

To my stomach. And someone told me that "false thoughts" are taking control of my life. That is one possibility. Basically? I am tired of relationships, friends or otherwise, where the people on the other side are not completely honest with me. I don't care if its bad news or good news... Just freakin' tell me the truth! It's not like I can't handle it. cha!

Lay it on me people. I am a strong adult woman, and I CAN TAKE IT! :wink:

I love the happy bunny... :giggles:

edit: If i hear myself say the words "kind of" again in a sentence, I may have to wire my mouth shut!!!!

More about Scents...

For some reason, its olfactory week in the mem blog. And so it goes...

I walked into the company bathroom this morning pretty early, after coffee time. And low and behold someone had used a cinnamon air freshener... BLECH!

Can you think of two smells that should never go together?

yea. #2 and cinnamon.

I did NOT take this picture... giggles.

The most beautiful scent

The navel orange tree outside my kitchen window blooms twice a year. once in spring, and once in the fall. It is the most intoxicating scent I have ever smelled. I literally stand and smell the flowers every morning before leaving for work.

Since living here I have started looking for scents in lotions and soaps that have this soft and deep scent, and the addition of lavender, which grows by the steps of my porch. Ah... the nose is an amazing scentual organ. giggles.

Spring Fever...

Oh dear...Oh my... I am finding it hard to think. I have a one track mind. I am trying to focus elsewhere, but the need to be rolling in the hay is seriously taken over my waking mind. Thankfully my dreams are not full of the desires of my body, or I would be completely gone.

I have a college friend that swears this time of year is nearly impossible for him to remain monogamous. And this year? I think its the first time I have really felt that extreme. Sighs. which lead to... more sighs.

Distance sucks emotionally and physically. Where are you companion? I desire your warmth within my reach. I guess another season will come and go before that will happen. sighs... damn springtime.

My Photos

I have my new toy and thoroughly enjoying it. I am not as talented as others, but that will NOT stop me. Take a peek through your own viewfinder every once in a while. It does change the way you see the world.

I have seen that a few people on Flickr have started Photo Journals. I know its not too late to try, so my goal is to take at least one photo a day. That will get my eyes trained to see things in a different perspective again. Watch here for results.

WW Mondays - baby steps!

More good news. Down 1.6 this week. And I found out that we are going to continue our series at work for another 13 weeks!

I should be able to get a good head start on this years total by continuing to go at work. Then, I plan on continuing at the goleta center.

After a birthday week of complete enjoyment, I still lost weight. Amazing. I am back on plan and going to exercise as much as possible.

in my best Don La Fontaine voice: This time its for REAL! :lol:

VISUAL DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Thanks Becca. I love this! I wish it was permanent fixture. try it. fun stuff.

B-day, March 13, again!

the yearly celebration of my creation.
a celebration of the exit from the womb.
a celebration of the first air in your lungs.
you know, life starts much earlier than that day.
it starts the day two people experience that union
that combines elements to make one being.
too bad I am not getting any of that action lately... POUTS!

If I had a birthday wish that I knew would come true, it wouldn't be that one anyway. I have bigger dreams. Larger visions right now, Future visions. Walking my wilderness with a new pair of eyes. I have a little one that needs to soar, and I gotta build a plane so we can travel. You know, kinda like that kinda dream. :wink:

Well, at least I have one thing I can celebrate! I DID IT! I made it here. I am surviving well, making things happen, and loving life most of the time, which for my genetically bipolar mass is a huge accomplishment in itself. Cheers!

Off we go... to the next rodeo... :whistle:

Save Internet Radio

Okay music lovers. There is a real threat to independent radio programmers on the World Wide Web. Please educate yourself and make waves to stop the big business/government gouging of radio station owners/operators.

Save our Internet Radio.

A few other links that you may find useful: Copyright Board
A possible cause for this current wave of greed is here.

How many times do we have to learn the same lesson? Robbing us of our art and culture choices, little by little via financial demands. Sometimes I am so embarrassed to be an American. Shamed. Please people. do what you can to make a change. Think, act, live!

off soapbox now. Let me know what you have heard about this issue. And spread the word. Please, spread the word.

If you have a chance, check out the beloved station Radio Paradise. You won't be sorry.

A more defined explanation from Mississippi Songbirds blog:
On Friday March 2nd 2007, the Copyright Royalty Board announced new
royalty rates for Internet Radio stations. The rates are retroactive to January of 2006. The new rates are far higher than any industry experts expected. In fact, if they remain unchanged, bankruptcy looms for many online radio stations.

The new rates essentially levy a tax of $0.0011 per performance. Now, that doesn't sound bad does it. But consider this. Each hour, the average radio station plays 16 songs. So that's about 1.76c per hour, per listener. A station with 500 listener average would be hit with fees of $211 per day, $6,336 a month or $76,000 a year.

This amount of money is beyond the resources of all but the very wealthiest of corporations. Many of the internet radio stations are run by enthusiasts and hobbyists. These small stations are the ones bringing new music, and old favorites to you every day. Music you can't hear on
corporate-owned terrestrial stations.

What can you do?
If you enjoy internet radio, you need to make your feelings known right now to your representatives in the Congress and Senate. Write to them and ask them to help repeal the decision of March 2nd by the Copyright Royalty Board. It only takes a couple of minutes.

Congress: http://www.house.gov/writerep/
Senate: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

More background on this decision
http://www.digmedia.org/docs/Press%20Release%2010-31-05.pdf
http://www.digmedia.org/docs/CRB%20Arbitration%20FAQ.pdf
http://www.kurthanson.com/archive/news/030207/index.shtml
Broadcastlawblog http://www.savenetradio.org/archive.htm

Broadcasters Go Here and join the cause http://webcastersunite.net

Sex

Ever had one of those nights where all you dreamt about is sex? Sighs. I even dreamt I went back in time and had sex. And unfortunately, it wasn't the "oh my gosh I feel so relaxed" kind either. Maybe I am just about to get screwed... and not in a sexual way. :eyeroll:

Okay. had to get that out of my vision. thanks for your patience. Nothin else to see here. move along. :wink:

Decisions

A decision is definitive when you act on a thought. Each decision you make is an opportunity to change either for the better or worse. I have really been focusing on that these last two months. What decisions am I making? Are they serving my greater self? Do I really need that extra serving of hummus? Complex to simple. They are opportunities. They are choices that you make.

They are momentary and are a ripple in a much bigger pond. Don't be fooled into thinking otherwise. If I hadn't made the decision to sleep with someone when I did, I wouldn't have this wonderful child. If I had made better decisions about food, I wouldn't be overweight and feeling sorry for myself. A decision to disregard someones desires, or intentions, can cost you a friendship.

One of these decisions is regarding the time I spend on the computer/TV/Vegging. My child has reached a very influential age, where he needs my undivided attention and input of knowledge. But, sometimes at the end of a very long day, I just feel like watching TV or zoning out at the computer and chatting with friends. I must make better decisions where that time is spent. No. I will make a better decision. I can't get that time back. That time is NOW.

A positive decision I have made, I am going to the gym. He seems totally ecstatic about going to the Y to play games with the older kids. This will help in my goal to become a healthier mom. And teaching him some regard for his physical being. And, I don't want to be the Fat MoM! I want to be the Fun MOM!

Right now the most difficult decision I have is about the food I put in my body. I have a serious love of food and cooking. But, its time to make a change. I have two excellent cookbooks from Weight Watchers and need to start really diving into those recipes. Hoping that the picky little one will eat whatever that makes. And if he doesn't, that I will not eat the mac & cheese or rice and beans I make for him. Plus his love of the cheese is genetic. Thankfully the fat free mozzarella is pretty close to real cheese. Fat Free cheddar is a joke. That is NOT cheese. I splurge sometimes, but its in my head to make wise decisions where my diet is concerned, having larger portions of the good stuff definitely outweighs the smaller portions of the fatty foods.

Decisions are all related to a bigger picture. I have been on the dark side of decision making for quite some time. Its a long road back up the mountain. I hope that you are better at it than I am. I am changing my course, but its going to take some time. Being patient with myself is not a decision that I have settled into as much. But, one decision at a time.

Preaching

Someone accused me of getting an attitude today. Excuse me? You preaching to me mister? Fuggget about it! Hell yea I am going to get an attitude. I am sick of the shit that goes down around that arena. I have explained myself for the last time. If you don't get the rules of the mem-sahib ride, then let someone else have a turn.

Maybe I am just feeling the need to move. Not sure what kind of move its going to be, not a physical one that is for sure. But planets are shifting and I feel the need to move with them.

You too can generate your own church sign. I just thought the martyr one fit me today. In spades. :wink:

Moneydays SUCK!

Money SUCKS!!!! It bites big nasty corpusley wankazoidal weiners. My daycare provider wants me to pay a full month for less than two weeks of work. :WAH!!!!:

And I still have to come up with a daycare alternative while she is on HER vacation. eyeroll: I am going to be paying twice the amount for daycare that I am paying now. I am ready for a new daycare. I have been working on it. we will see.

HELP!!!!!! and to top it off, I will NEVER be able to own property in Southern California. Or California anywhere. NEVER! tell me that isn't a stressful reality. :eyeroll:

Okay Monday rant over. Onto the Month of March, which is definitely going to be stressful.

oooo and a
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A SPECIAL WOMAN!
Its just the beginning of a new era to your wonderful life. Enjoy.

Just a Reminder

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
Oscar Wilde

Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death
Auntie Mame

I hope that all your weekends are spectacular and safe and sunny and warm.. and mostly filled with smiles!

Bring on the CHEESE!!!!

Safe journeys to those that are traveling. hugs.

Will Power

So, last night I was starving! And it was late at night. I tried to stay away from the kitchen. You know if I lived in a bigger abode, I could physically put myself a good distance, but I don't.
(And with the way real estate prices are going in California, not likely going to ever happen. Unless, I find a big pile of money somewhere, or win the lottery. But, you NEVER know. :wink:) I tried that glass of water thing too. EH. I have NO will power. HELP!

So I had a handful of fritos, the kid and I were pretending they were monster teeth. :giggles: Then he fell asleep, and I had a handful of fruit loops. You would think I would have some healthier snacks in the house, but I am working on eliminating this huge cache of food I have stored in my cupboards. My theory is if there isn't food in the house, I wont eat so much late night. But the reality isI snack on bad stuff. :lol:

Time to go to the farmers market for veggies and get fresh fruit. Then to trader joes for pretzel thins and whole wheat tortillas, and whatever else I can find that is low fat, low cal, and good for me.

No More Clowns.

Poetry is NO MYSTERY! Think lyrics without music, and then you got it. :wink:

I had a discussion with a friend last night about poetry. He failed to acknowledge that I had written him a poem last Valentine's Day. I started to question my talents. I don't like that feeling. The more I think about it, the more this irritates me. And I haven't written much since then. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. I need something that lifts me UP, not tears me down.

Am I a Bird or a Stone?

My heart feels like stone.
Sitting in the center of me
a weight I keep walking around
instead of casting it aside.

No waiting for your timing.
Its my time for a smile
You want to be in the arena
throw in your heart too.

I am stopping this dance
I am done with the charade
it takes away my patience
and hungers for some pride.

No more clown.
I want a real love
Nothing less will do.
Sadly, it seems its not you.

I have recently decided that maybe I am not thinking clearly. I am not putting out in the universe exactly what is it I want. I am not really quite adept at knowing what is best for me. But I do know what I don't like. I hope that helps.

A New Toy ~ Nikon D-40

Don't hate me just yet. I have a new toy. I decided two years ago at tax time that I would treat myself to a more professional type camera as soon as I could afford one. I love taking pictures. Always have. Now? I can use it as another canvas for my eye. To capture the way I see things.

I am so proud of myself to finally be accomplishing some of the things I have always wanted to do.

Keep your eye on my Old Blog, as I have turned it into a photo blog. Any other shooters, please leave a message there. I want to set up links to photographers there.

OK. I have to work! Happy weeks to all.

its friday.

I miss having someone in my life to share these long weekends with. Although, the little sprout is all the joy I could ask for, it would be nice to have a someone/partner to go fishing with, hiking, or just eating in front of the TV and arguing over the remote. Then making up later in between the sheets. sighs.

None the less, I am going to continue keeping myself busy. Teaching the boy, enjoying my weight loss and seeing all I can of this wonderful paradise I live in. Its a three day Weekend! YOWZA!!!! A big month to come ahead, maybe I should do some spring cleaning. I promised the little guy a trip to the zoo. Maybe take in a breakfast at the Cold Spring Tavern this weekend. Any takers?

OOOO and get a new camera. Any suggestions? Watch the MEM blog for a new photo blog. coming in the next month.

Current I-Tunes track: David Grey - The One I Love. sighs.

Update on Weight

After a three day anticipation, I am proud to announce that I am again a Loser! Down 3.0 lbs... Sorry for the delay. Just wanted to post the Valentines Day entry first.

Keep your eyes focused on this space, I am sure to be a loser next week to as I have had the flu all week.

In one year, I hope to post a new image of a thinner healthier me. That is my goal. Thanks for your continued support. It definitely helps me choose wisely. Glad to post good news. I know I can do this. Now, to start an exercise regime. blech.

Valentine's Day

MEH.

I have been on the planet a considerable amount of time. I have had boyfriends over the years. Almost married once, but stepped back from that one. :whew: And in all this time, I have gotten a Valentine card from a lover MAYBE five times. Flowers once. chocolates, never. Last year I got dumped. See Promises Promises.

Sighs. Am I not the kind of woman that deserves these things? I always thought I was. And it surely isn't a deal breaker where a relationship is concerned, but puuuleeeez. Isn't showing your affection and love through tokens a wonderful thing? It makes you happy and the recipient happy. What have I done wrong in this lifetime? Geez. oh well.

Guess I will be buying myself a Huge bouquet on Wednesday. Or do you think I would prefer a single rose? meh. I am thinking... gigolo! yea. that would fill the bill. ;-)

DreamWeaver

Yea. I need to learn Dreamweaver 8. And start working on a website. YIKES! Am I nervous? Nah... Am I overwhelmed? well, a little. Do I have the patience? Doubt it. But away we go...

Anyone versed in this software? The IT guy says, good luck with navigation. :ACK:

WWatchers... Unite!

Even though my Weight Watcher meetings are at my work location and everyone in the meeting is a coworker, another one joined today! This is someone that I work with quite a bit. And we do lunch together once in a while. I was happy she did because as a result of her joining, she says, let's walk to subway! wOOOt! Triple Bonus:

1) The Monday lunch special is only 5 pts,
2) it costs exactly 2.50
3) you walk a mile and a half each way to get it.

We have decided that will be our ritual, twice a week (Mon & Wed lunch specials are the lowest in pts. ) Now... that is good news. I like Monday today.

In addition to a new tradition with the coworker, I lost 2 lbs! This puts me down one lb actually from the original loss. But, a loser is a loser, eh?

Congrats to all the other losers in my group. And to the other dieters that happen by, You are doing great! keep it up. *pat on the back for us all*

Patty Griffin is coming!

Now you who read my blog, (and thank you for that BTW) know how much I love this woman. She has a new CD releasing on Feb 6th. (Already pre-ordered at my local Borders.) So consequently, will be going on tour. And on March 13th, which is my birthday, she will be preforming Los Angeles. When I heard this about her new CD and looked up tour dates, I almost passed out! Someone I have always wanted to see, and just never was in the right place at the right time, how serendipidous! Can I get an AMEN from the bobble-heads?

Now, granted, its a Tuesday, anyone who wants to stalk me or just be in the general vicinity of me should go to the Wiltern Theater and look for my toes... giggles. There is only one other person who I am dying to see this concert with, but I doubt that will happen. Different states, too far to travel, and impending circumstances. Sighs. You know how much fun it is to see a concert with someone that loves the same artist as much as you do? I know you do. Its almost concert orgasm! Sharing your appreciation of an artist in concert with someone at a similar level is such a BONUS!

Who lives in So Cal and loves Patty G? Looking for a group to attend and help me get over the hump of the body aging one more year. Anyone? Anyone? Well, think about it. If not, I will have to take my three year old. YIkES!

Oh and just so you can have a sampling of the Patty wisdom, another round of lyrics.

We are swimming with the snakes at the bottom of the well
So silent and peaceful in the darkness where we fell
But we are not snakes and what’s more whenever will be
And if we stay swimming here forever we will never be free

I heard ‘em ringin’ the bells in heaven and hell
They got a secret they’re gettin ready to tell
Its fallin’ from the skies, callin’ from the graves
Open your eyes boy I think we are saved
Open your eyes boy I think we are saved

Let’s take a walk on the bridge right over this mess
Don’t need to tell me a thing baby, we’ve already confessed
And I raise my voice to the air and we were blessed
Its hard to give
Its hard to get
But everybody needs a little forgiveness

We are calling for help tonight on a thin phone line.
As ususal we’re havin’ ourselves one helluva time.
And the planes keep flyin’ over our heads no matter how loud we
Shout Hey Hey Heyyy
And we keep wavin’ and wavin’ our arms in the air but we’re all tired out

I heard somebody say today’s the day
A big old hurricane she’s blowin’ our way,
Knockin’ over the buildings,
Killin’ all the lights.
Open your eyes boy, we made it through the night.
Open your eyes boy, we made it through the night.

Its hard to give.
Its hard to get.
Its hard to live baby, still I think its the best bet.
Hey now hard to give and I’m never gonna forget.
But everybody needs a little forgiveness.
Everybody needs a little forgiveness

Patty Griffin ~ Forgiveness

Now does that just make things a little more clear or what? Sighs. I hope that I find someone to attend this show with me. If not, she is playing in San Francisco the following Friday. And my sis lives up in Napa... :cheesygrin: maybe two shows in one week? Be still my heart. Live music, and Patty G.

They are going to have to scrap me off the ceiling ~ Hey Mist1, what exactly do you wear for that? giggles.

Weight Watchers

Okay... I am up one pound! sighs. I think after a weekend of having company, eating out almost every meal, serving a group of friends a wonderful plate of excellent cheese, and bread from the locally owned shops, some shrimp over angel hair pasta with red wine, and home made dark choco chip cookies, one lb is a gift! A GIFT I tell you!

But now? Its on to the next loss. Moving to my next goal. No company for quite some time, so, I am back to eating my salads, and veggie soup for the month. Goal by the birthday March 13th is 20lbs (or more).

Wish me luck. and will power! :hrumph:

Common Courtesy

I have a friend visiting. We decided to go to this place for lunch. its small. Not much room to sit down and eat. I can live with that. We decide that 15 mins isnt too long to wait, even though we have a toddler in tow.

As we stand there, growing more impatient, I notice a boy and his older woman date sitting to my right. beside them are two chairs in the corner, and one on the other side of them. Plenty of room for us if they would move down one foot. So i walk over with my kid and set my purse down on the counter, saying do you mind just scooting down a bit so we can have some lunch? Being courteous myself, and thinking why wouldn't he be accommodating to someone else who may want to eat in this crowded restaurant!? He looks at me like a deer in the headlights trying to think of a proper response. He says, well, there isn't any room over there. (Okay there is enough room to his right and left for TWO people!) I said, is that a yes or a no? He goes into some other dissertation about not enough room... I said, is that a yes or a no? He said, no. If I didn't have any manners at all I would have called him on it. "Didn't your mama teach you manners or courtesy? Or is this your mother sitting next to you? And if that is the case, I understand why you are a selfish moron!!" I didn't want my son to see me being an ass. Well, not that day anyway. :giggles:

ARGGGGGG!!!!! Fine. I can handle selfishness, its the way spoiled rich people lean in this town, but not before I let everyone know he was by saying is that a yes or a no... wink: Needless to say, about 10 minutes later I opted to leave, since 20 minutes waiting is too much for a toddler.

As we exit, this really cool older woman standing in line says, "Don't you hope he chokes a little on his crab!" Well, DUH! There was no news in the paper. Oh well, just karma down the line, and from my observation, he will have a long line of it waiting at some point.

dork.

Oprah, Out of my Dreams!

So I am having this dream, and all of the sudden Oprah is there! This is the third time this year. (And we are not far into this year) Now considering she has a home within a 15 mile radius of me, that may not be too weird. But the weird thing is that she is always on my case!

So I have this dream I am working for a woman who is building a fabulous new house. Very New Mexico flavor, but still Mediterranean. (I really should have studied my math, and become an architect or interior decorator, this place was beautiful) It was cluttered etc, full of her stuff... I was there to house sit I think. It was on a river of some kind. Muddy water. I found myself in a boat going to check out the house, with a couple of friends of mine, and when we got to the house, Oprah was there! She and two of her nieces were spending the night! sighs. ( I have had a previous dream about Oprah's house on a stream that i visited, and her house looked colonial/shingled outside, with a victorian theme inside~as if!) So anyway, I felt like I was invading! And her nieces did also. I spent the night, and then my two friends left me there. took off in the canoe! Oprah has a shit-load of people in the next day. And all kinds of caterers, and decorating people show up to fix up this house. I asked her for a ride, because my canoe had set sail, she said I am not sure I can (bitch!) Then she sets me in front of a panel of various women to answer questions about myself. One was about my weight, one question was about why my friends left me, on and on etc. Then I started coughing and woke up.

WEIRD! really weird. I am still thinking about it. what does this mean? McDreamy? anyone?

I guess I need to go shopping at the Montecito Von's, or Trader Joe's and run into her. Can you imagine that conversation? Hey Oprah! Nice to meet you. Did you dream about me last week, because I dreamt about you. Stay OUT! yea. or maybe I should ask her does she need any house sitting done?

Weight Watchers Week 1

Well, as promised I am going to keep you posted about my Weight Watchers experience. I am hoping that keeping this weekly journal enhances my choice making, and keeps me on the right track to a healthier me!

The beauty of this program is it promotes healthier eating. I find that when I start eating more vegetables & whole grains, I feel better. I look better. I have more energy. I chose to do the flex plan, as I HAVE to keep count of what I am eating and proportions. Keeping track and going to meetings is what makes this work for my mindset. They have a core plan that allows you to eat any of the foods on the core list freely. That is like sticking out a bowl of food for me... GRAZING! I am going to choose foods from the core plan mostly, but keep track of the points in addition. That way I have the flexibility to have things that aren't on the list, like Vodka, (ooo and CHOCOLATE!) occasionally.

And now for the beef of the entire process. In this corner weighing in five pounds lighter, Its the Memsahib! Man that feels good! Yea me!

I celebrated by having a subway sandwich and a diet beverage! I am NOT going back. I have quit smoking. I am eating healthy. I blame it all on this damn sunny, beautiful people, living close to the beach having to wear a bathing suit, wanting to feel a healthier me environment! Damn southern California paradise. tee hee!

anyway, its just the first week. keep your links fresh for next weeks measuring down (its all a choice).

So visible I am invisible

Leave the body leave the mind
Leave the body leave the mind
Every promise every place behind

I just happen to feel so alone
For today for all days to come

I just wanna be wanna be gone
I just wanna be wanna be gone

Leave the quiet leave the night
Leave the quiet leave the night
Broken feelings of dreams out of sight

Pictures in your head at night
For tonight for all nights to come

Erased for good and always gone
Erased for good and always gone

Leave the city leave the cold
Leave the city leave the cold
Young people far too old

Let me cross a very fine line
For today for a lifetime
For today for a lifetime

Leave the body leave the mind
Let me
Leave the body leave the mind
Every promise every place behind

I just happen to feel so alone
For today for all days to come
For today for all days to come

I just wanna be wanna be gone

To be gone - Anna Ternheim

How I am feeling. Do you ever wonder about your life? why some people are in it? Do we put them there? Choose them for the things we have to learn about ourselves? and if we do, is that a selfish motivation? Or do you call it fate? self preservation or maybe its just as it is.

And if the wall is a wall, why isn't easier for me to stop hitting my head against it? There are so many times I feel old, f*cking ancient. Like i have been doing this for so long I should be way long long long gone. Gone. And yet these experiences that live in my genes are useful in some way. I hope I can figure out how to harness the energy and use it for a future purpose. not a retrograde relationship with myself.

thank you anna. I like this song and its poignant piano. sigh.

Weight Watchers...

Time! Yes Every Monday I will be updating you on the progress of my weight loss. I hope that I can really go all the way this time...

So, my first goal is a big one! But.. I am marching towards victory for even starting this campaign.

Are you ready to Lose!? Hell yea!

Grandma Flora

Flora Von Allmen Mitchell (nickname Flo), Passed away January 10th, 2007.

Her parents came by ship from Switzerland to America before she was born, and settled in Kentucky. She was the next to the youngest of 7 children: Otto, Julius, Matilda, Freda, Hilda, Flora, and Freddy. The youngest child, her little brother Freddy, was killed by a streetcar when he was only 5 years old. She was only 8 years old when her mother died. Her father never remarried and raised his children himself (with help from the older sisters).Her father and his brothers owned a large dairy, Von Allmen Dairy, in Louisville. She grew up on the dairy farm and still remembers roller-skating in the dairy barn where there was concrete. Her dad had a fruit orchard and grew vegetables on the farm also, including an asparagus bed.

She graduated from Atherton High School and attended secretarial school. She met her future husband because they rode the same bus on occasion, and he started riding his bicycle to visit her.

She married Harry Morton Mitchell of Louisville on May 19, 1934. Harry was a manager with Southern Bell Telephone Company, which required that they move around the state many times. They lived in Louisville, Harlan, Georgetown, Richmond, Paris, Winchester, and Frankfort KY.

Flo became a widow when her husband died suddenly of an aneurysm while they were vacationing in Daytona Beach, Florida with friends. They had just attended the Daytona 500 race and were eating dinner when he collapsed. He was only 60 years old at the time. She never remarried, although I am sure she had offers. She responded to me once about that saying, "I have already been married." She loved playing golf, was an excellent artist, and took to knitting and quilting in her golden years. It is said I resemble her in looks. I can see it in my nose and eyes. I did inherit her talent for the arts.

Two of the things I remember her saying to me:
"I loved your grandfather very much. He was a wonderful man." Its the ONLY time I ever saw her cry.

I asked her once if you could go back and do anything, what would it be, She responded,
"I always wanted to learn how to fly a plane. I would take flying lessons."

She was a very funny woman. Loved to laugh. Still spunky up until the final hours. She drank bourbon every day. Loved some TV sports, and Wheel of Fortune. Despite her love for Pizza and chinese food, she kept her girlish figure all through her life. I am sure that my father is hurting right now, and wish I was there to help him. But as life goes, it was her time.

Rest in peace Granny. We loved you.

Down and Out

So, just to prove what a MAJOR slacker I am, I just took down the Christmas tree last night. yea. It was pretty crispy, but still smelled amazing. The kid says to me, "More Christmas tree?" I think that is one of the reasons I kept it up longer, was his enjoyment of the lights at night. (that and my extreme laziness) It is down, and out by the curb waiting pickup. YES!

Now that I am home and working on getting past the holiday crap, I acknowledge that I must be suffering from some low grade depression. The reason is I feel as though I am just going through the motions of my life. No real interest in looking my best, or finding happiness in anything (not like me at all). This past weekend, I spent sleeping mostly. I must have needed it, because I feel like I haven't slept in about six weeks. But I don't want my son to suffer because of it... time to access and turn this around.

This morning, in a flash during a conversation with my sis, I realized that while I am at my parents house, I tend to pent up my frustrations. I don't express true emotions. The drama in that circle is already too much for me, then to add my own on top would be like adding one drop of snow and creating an avalanche. Some may say, let that snow fall! Get it all out! In hindsight, yea, maybe that would have erased some of the stress I felt being there. But my feelings are that this final trip was one that taught me an important lesson. Time for me to make decisions regarding my family that do not require bending to others wishes. I love my family. They are good people, individually. But when we all get together in a room, its tense, its historical, and its not completely resolved, because we each have a little something that is hiding from the past. Even though we have worked hard to get on with our lives, in that dynamic, it surfaces. In addition, this time of year I am more aware of the missing element from our little family. We are not in a bad way being just a duo. It's just we could both use a new friend. Diffuse some of the mommy & son tension that arises.

Whew. Medication? Definitely. Therapy? maybe, But most likely I will start working out, painting, writing, and playing music... And trying to have some more free time to follow some of my own desires.

Yea its Wednesday! Almost the weekend, when I will get to enjoy some daylight hours. I miss that. Okay good peeps.... EVER ONWARD!

Why does it Hurt to Feel Good?

This morning, I had a little crying jag. I was feeling good and all of the sudden started crying. I think I need some therapy. Why is it we can't be comfortable when good things happen to us? Or is that just me? Hm...

I need to analyze this a bit so I can be happy when I am happy, and sad when I am sad. Do I feel guilty for being happy? Feel guilty for the pleasures I am allowed in this life? Am I worried that someone doesn't have it as good as I do, so I should feel sad?

Must be some leftovers from the childhood days. I rarely think about all that now, its history. But there is some residual in there keeping me from being in the now enjoying the little things. And that really isn't something I want to live with. DAMN! just when I had it all together, someone pulled out the rug from underneath me, and it was ME! :sheesh:

blah blah blech! anyway... Guster on the new NANO! :cheesygrin:

Come Downstairs and Say Hello ~ Guster

"Dorothy moves to click her ruby shoes
Right in tune with Dark Side of the Moon
Someone someone could tell me
Where I belong
Be calm be brave it'll be okay

No more messing around and living underground
And New Year's resolutions
By this time next year I won't be here
I turn on turn on MTV the volume's down
Lips move they say
It'll be okay

To tell you the truth I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
One last time these words from me
I�m never saying them again
And I shut the light
And listen as my watch unwinds

To tell you the truth I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
I know I've been half-asleep
I�m never doing that again

I look straight at what's coming ahead
And soon it's going to change in a new direction
Every night as I'm falling asleep
These words repeated in my head

Voices calling from a yellow road
To come downstairs and say hello
Don't be shy just say hello

To tell you the truth I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
I know I've been half-asleep

I'm never doing that again
I look straight at what's coming ahead
And soon it's going to change in a new direction
Every night as I'm falling asleep
Those words repeated in my head"

Happy New Year!

To all that pass my way! I am thankful to be back in California after my vacation to Texas. I hope that all of you are doing well and had great holidays. Will be catching up this week on all your blogs. I have not even looked here in two weeks. It was nice not to have to be on the computer much.

Entry about my holidays to come this week. Welcome back to reality! :eye-roll: