There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love,
but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck

Saturday, January 20

So visible I am invisible

Leave the body leave the mind
Leave the body leave the mind
Every promise every place behind

I just happen to feel so alone
For today for all days to come

I just wanna be wanna be gone
I just wanna be wanna be gone

Leave the quiet leave the night
Leave the quiet leave the night
Broken feelings of dreams out of sight

Pictures in your head at night
For tonight for all nights to come

Erased for good and always gone
Erased for good and always gone

Leave the city leave the cold
Leave the city leave the cold
Young people far too old

Let me cross a very fine line
For today for a lifetime
For today for a lifetime

Leave the body leave the mind
Let me
Leave the body leave the mind
Every promise every place behind

I just happen to feel so alone
For today for all days to come
For today for all days to come

I just wanna be wanna be gone

To be gone - Anna Ternheim

How I am feeling. Do you ever wonder about your life? why some people are in it? Do we put them there? Choose them for the things we have to learn about ourselves? and if we do, is that a selfish motivation? Or do you call it fate? self preservation or maybe its just as it is.

And if the wall is a wall, why isn't easier for me to stop hitting my head against it? There are so many times I feel old, f*cking ancient. Like i have been doing this for so long I should be way long long long gone. Gone. And yet these experiences that live in my genes are useful in some way. I hope I can figure out how to harness the energy and use it for a future purpose. not a retrograde relationship with myself.

thank you anna. I like this song and its poignant piano. sigh.

8 comments:

  1. Melanie, You're not invisible. I feel your friendship.You touch so many lives daily..
    You're Terrific!
    ** Bunches Of Hugs ***

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  2. thanks steph! ~bunches of hugs back~

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  3. I am imagining that I'm adding to your feelings of invisibility. And I'm also imagining us talking about that openly, if so.

    Be well, friend.

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  4. well melanie - i am touched that we're beginning a friendship. there are so many ways in which we seem so much alike (to me) and yet because of our differences, i see you as a source of inspiration for me. i know it probably doesn't help, but it is just a little proof that you're not invisable.

    it is hard not to feel alone sometimes in this world. even when we're around people all the time.

    i don't think you should feel selfish. sometimes we have needs. and sometimes it is hard to count on other people to meet them. that's why we have to tell people what we need from them sometimes. maybe they can and maybe they can't meet those needs. but you have to give them a chance.

    i don't know. i'm rambling here. anyway, much love to you *hug*

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  5. I know exactly how you feel-- I've felt that way a million times, and for the life of me, I still can't figure it out-- it's all part of a greater plan than I'll ever understand. *hugs*

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  6. bhd: I feel your absence but its not a major factor of this composition. I think overall I am finally settled in my new environment, accepting its eventuality, and find myself alone here. Time to remedy. :wink: BUT i do miss you. :hug:

    rebecca: its so wonderful to have new friends, especially ones that connect so easily. I find it difficult to ask for what I need sometimes. thanks for the rambling. it helps. :smoooches:

    Miss 1999: right? now if we only had a dollar for everytime we felt that way, we could pay someone to help us understand. :giggles: thanks for your compassion. i bet you are one cool lady.

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  7. Feeling melancholy? I get that way on the train.

    Chin up, spring'll be here before you know it! Course, you're in California, so pretty warm there...well, still, probably rainy, so spring will bring you flowers and sun:-)

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  8. When I feel that way, I just grab a Coke and watch porn.

    Really puts everything in perspective.

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