There is a lot to be said for being a single parent. Discipline is not one of them. Men/boys have a definite respect for other men, the authority of them, the power of them, whatever it is that you guys have as a bonding agent. I find that I love this kid so much, there is a tendancy for me to let him run his own show. The problem with this is I have to get control at certain times of the day. Its not an accomplishment I am proud of, its a definition of a deserved serenity in our coexistance.
Discipline helps him to understand the boundaries. Discipline helps him to realize order. Discipline helps me to not want to kill him, or run off and leave him. I freakin HATE doing it. Hate it. The thing I have realized is that, even though this little man has good manners and a great heart, he deserves to have set of boundaries so he feels peaceful and secure.
I am an idealist in many senses of that term. I have always thought there could be another way for parents and children to coexist. But upon living this experience, I realize, discipline is necessary. As I explained to my son tonight, we all go through it, and it makes our lives easier in the long run. But the temporary abonishment psyche is a hard feeling to understand. I hope i can do him justice.
Because there are so many other things he will learn that will hurt him so much more. Like the question I will eventually have to explain... Where is my daddy? I do NOT look forward to that bridge. I will not lie. I will allow him to understand without full explanation, or shame. He deserves to be an individual with confidence. And I can give him that. Will give him that.
whew. thanks for your patience. you may now return to your single, and unburdened lives.
It seems to me that you're doing a great job, Mel.
ReplyDeleteNo life is without burden.
ReplyDeleteIn the long run, yes, discipline will help lighten that load.
it sounds like you are doing something right :)
ReplyDeleteI hate disciplining. It sucks but it is a necessity to nuture and raise a healthy, well balanced, secure child.
I am pretty sure Id be a failure as a single parent. I have a friend who is a single parent and an awesome one at that. Single parents are so overlooked, they derserve the kudos they earn every day of their lives :)
Parenting is at once, the most important thing for this world and also the one thing in this world that has no instruction manual. In a world of warnings and labels (Warning: coffee in container may be hot!) children come competely label-less and unpredictable... and yet they are this world's future.
ReplyDeleteTell me God/Goddess doesn't have a sense of humor. Go ahead. Tell me!
Just realizing this is half the battle in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing a great job!
Aw, you're a good Mom. I know it must be hard, but keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteI have no kids, but my sister is a single mom with two hellspawn (no, really...they're the devil).
ReplyDeleteI love them so much, but on occassion I find myself in the position of having to discipline them.
Mostly they just laugh and punch me in the penis.
Did I mention I have no kids?
ali: thanks. i can only hope.
ReplyDeletejay: burden is a matter of degree and ability to deal. you tell me... could you deal?
goddess: thanks. discipline is a necessary suckdom. you would probably be an awesome single parent. amazing where you find reserves.
cyberbro: an instruction manual would be AWESOME! oh well. lets just use the humor then.
MS. I: realization. yea. its a battle, not just with the kid.
LBug: thanks. it is hard. good work is my only recreation. sighs.
Earl: no kids. check.
I'm not one of your 'single' readers. I have two sons myself and yes it is hard. Especially since I was brought up in a very strict household I kinda thought I'd try and be more laid back. OK, that really didn't work out well and now I hear myself saying all the things my mother use to say to me and I cringe.
ReplyDeletei'm not a mom, nor do i plan to be. but i'm having this same problem with two boston terrier puppies.
ReplyDeletethey're very hard to reason with.
i'd be willing to bet that you're doing a much better job than you think you are with your kid. you're a smart woman, and that is obvious.
Since my husband is an Over -the -road trucker and gone all the time, I feel as if I'm a single parent..
ReplyDeleteHe leaves the discipline to me, most of the time.
You're doing a great job... Just hang in there.. And you're young. You probably won't be a single mom for long..:wink:
Have a great week.
What teh hell do I know, but it sounds ot me like you've defenitily got hte right outlook about this whole thing. My wife raised her son pretty much by herself well into his teens..then I came along and just made thing harder.
ReplyDeleteIt ain't easy. ;)
Steve~
Discipline? Hmmmm. I'll have to Google that term. It's foreign to me.
ReplyDeleteMel,
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to try to fill that vacuum that some little boys experience with no father figure in their lives as best you can. All kids need to have limits and boundaries and learn to respect them, and to learn that their actions have consequences. They need to respect your role as a parent.
It's so soo easy and tempting to compensate for the lack of a male adult in his life by letting him slide. Maybe part of you inside feels like it's partly your fault he hasn't a father figure (it's certainly not his fault, is it?) so you guilt yourself into indulging him to make up for it. But in the long run he will be better off if you do your best to make rules, set limits, and stick by them for the most part.
Take care,
Allen