Solstice Parade

The annual event for Santa Barbra. I am looking forward to getting out of my apartment and spending the day in the sunshine, around people that are in good moods.

Look for many pictures from me the next couple of days. I suspect my camera is going to get a workout at this event!!!! People, floats, kids, drinks, the park, and a camping event after.

Hope all your weekends are sunny, peaceful, and safe. Party on Garth!

I need...

a couple of months at a spa,
a Cali tag for my car
a ticket to spain,
a time to stand in the rain
a smile through a happy tear
a wish from a worthless fear
a babysitter and a long drive
a taste of honey from the hive
a breath from passions sigh
a kiss placed on each eye
a love that sees all of me
a love that loves ALL he sees


and more snow patrol! who wants to go see them with me? SB Bowl. I need a date.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Snow Patrol ~ Chasing Cars

Working Out & Losing Weight

I have become disgusted with my lack of perseverance. The only way to make myself really get on the stick is to set "realistic goals" day to day. And only plan for the next WW meeting. This week, my goal is to lose 3 lbs. I have also put into my task list, making sure to mark down everything I eat. I am going to write a mantra to myself, "a half ass approach provides half ass results."

I am determined to continue working out. I want to have a much flatter stomach come fall. I am not going to make this abs of steel thing happen for at least a year, if then. But i would love it if it didn't hang down from my waist. I can do that! And make my working out so much easier in the process. Its difficult throwing around the weight I do have now when I am at the gym.

This weeks goal: 3 lbs.
Strategy: 1) Write down all foods/beverages/snacks consumed. and KEEP TRACK. 2)Go to the gym every day (except sunday) for at least 30 mins. 3) find something to keep my hands busy late at night when I feel like snacking!(this one is going to take me a bit of time to accomplish, but its on the list.)

weight loss to date: 19.2
Goal: 60 more lbs
Deadline: when I lose it! (ultimately by March of 2008 - a birthday present to myself)
Biggest Obstacle: perseverance, and booze. booze will be the easy one to dismantle. ;-)

Roll in Ze Hay!

Oh my... Can a girl get spring fever in the summer? Cuz baby? I am itching for a roll in the hay.

roll, roll, roll in ze hay! ahem... yea. that!


edit: Do you think I lack a certain nuance to pull off romantic? geez. I have lacked it so long, that I wouldn't even recognize it even if it stunk like a dead fish in a box under my bed. :eyeroll: wooooo azz me.

Smiles

I have been in a real slump lately. Spent quite a few months tying myself in knots over something and someone that I so wanted to make happy. But ended up I wasn't making him happy. And I was becoming a nag about things. So I decided to pull away for a while. And it breaks my heart. Yea and Father's Day? Don't get me started. I have such a difficult time with that. Single mom and all. He will never be in his son's life, more is the pity for that man.

But today? Smiling. Do you ever just wake up and you are smiling? It's such a rare occurrence for me. But when it does happen, the attitude is GRATEFUL!

So thank you smile. Monday's bite, but you do not. ;-)

Sitting in a Hole

So today I was looking at a picture of a friend. He is sitting in a chair, and I am looking at the side of his face. I found myself thinking, Look at me!!! Just turn around and look at me. Then I realized, after that brief moment of sheer uncontrollable insanity passed, he wasn't going to turn around because its a picture for christsake! sighs.

Today, I feel like I have fallen into a hole. A hole that I have dug for myself. Maybe I created it as a resting spot. Or a place to put the things I don't want to think about. Or a place to put things I don't have TIME to think about. After this dream I had last night, I keep waiting for some kind of BOMB to drop on me around 4 today. Maybe I feel like I have to have all the answers before 4 this afternoon.

Damn voices in my head have crawled into the hole and started stirring things up. And I am not sure if I will surface today before I clean up a few things down in the cylindrical, self loathing, put off as long as you can, face reality bitch, dungeon, hole!!!!!

Sighs. I love to love, but today? It's an "All in Vain" kinda day. Why do I even bother... whimper. *goes to the gym to punch some stuff*

Angst.. NOT!

You know as you surf the blogosphere, you see a lot of angst. Lots. Like its "quaint" or original. Its kind of not. And to be honest? Its becoming a total bore to me. I am a lover. I love to love.

Now don't get me wrong... I am not a meshugina pollyanna about it. I know that there are boundaries (which i regularly jump over without abandon, much to the dismay of the less bold). I find that I have to prove that my love exists. Embrace it with every fiber of my being. Write about it. Paint about it. And not sexual love, the kind of love that warms your heart to know it exists. Kind. Passionate. Caring. Helping. Enlightening. Embracing. Forgiving. Opening. Flowing. Love.

Well, yea. Its not all happiness and light. Mostly its muddled and difficult. Full of twists and turns, bruises and burns. But when it all fits like the most beautiful mosaic glass window, with the light shining through for that brief moment in time, You capture its whole meaning. Its infinitive affect on what the world would look like if that was everyday. Overwhelming huh?

Worth every single drop of sweat you put into it. Stop beating the angst horse. We are all pissed off about war, abuse of power, wasted financial resources by our government, stupid people in front of us in lines, and selfish idiots that take shit that isn't theirs. Maybe I am just a star crossed lover, with no real sense of it all. Or maybe I make more than a little sense. But I definitely know that love is the way I want to go down. I hope that my ability to send that message will make a few people smile in my small blip of the universe.

Put the message in the Box
Put the box into the car
drive the car around the world...

World Party - Message in the Box.

I got my MOO's!!!!

Flickr is affiliated with a company that prints out cards from the images you post to your Flickr account. They call them MOO cards. And I ordered some a while ago and got them yesterday! OH YEA...

i have been bitten by the MOO bug! Mini cards of images I have taken. I love art. Don't you?

Weekend!!!

Yes its time once more for the two days I look forward to the entire week. Tommorrow? I am taking the kid, and maybe a friend, to see a blues band that is playing at El Capitan Canyon. They have a summer concert series, and a coworkers band is playing. Hopefully we will get out of there early enough to go to "Game Night". And hang with the cool pholks.

Sunday? BEACH!!! If the weather holds out. I want a day at the beach. sit with my toes in the sand, watch and listen to the waves, watch the kid throw rocks into the ocean... and take pictures of nuns... :giggles:

I hope you all have wonderful weekends. I am feeling exceptionally good about this one. Have fun and take lots of pictures!

good good good good vibrations... good good good good vibrations.. I'm pickin up good vibrations...

Canvas Surfing

I am shrieking inside... I feel so tenuous. I woke from a restless sleep this morning with a skeleton in my brain, and a shriek that kept me from going back to rest. Before I laid down yesterday from a well rested reprieve from loneliness and the pain, I pulled this card from my deck. With a question about a friend.

My question is clearly not answered yet as peaceful as this image looks to me. I see one side as healthy and whole. Open to all that is. The other side of him is a statue or on a cold surface. Stuck to a surface he can not escape. But what is he trying to capture? And is that blood on him? Or is that some warmth that he is seeking? A trance but warm and happy in his dream isn't he? Or maybe its all a dream.

so then I pulled this one...




Whew. That is a damn powerful card. Center of the universe huh? Or is it the center of my world? I have the support I need from the world to move. This is a support system. I hope that holds true for both he and I.

Its all so freakin Harry Potter to me this week (including accents), magical creatures, distant adventures, and all to real fantasy images soaring in my head. Up the dosage or lower it? Or maybe its just like the C/Universe says, time to paint and draw. I must release the demons of creativity that are screeching to be released. They are keeping me from sleeping. Someone has seen and gratified the inner hidden me. Helped me to release this powerfully creative soul I have been hiding, protecting, silencing. Who is she?

Her palate consists of Siren. Mermaid. Wanderer. Nomad. Lover. Mother. Water. Earth. Poet. Provider. Comrade. Stranger. Visionary. Vocalist. Giggly Girl. Friend. Sistor. Child. Woman. In all her complexity provided for your entertainment. It's been a wondrous ride of this wave ridden ocean called me. Got a surf board? Cuz its a good series of swells this week, dude. (and more cali speak) Late.

Feeling Refreshed

I had a great dream last night, in which I saw a mermaid. Thinking that is a wonderful sign. I am feeling refreshed and like I am capable of swimming forward now. And Neptune gave his blessing. Reluctantly.

Now. onward to creativity. be back soon. :wink:

Breathing

refreshing eh? i have nothing to say. i am at a crossroads, and need some time to think. my patience is thin. I need to give it some room to breathe, or else my child suffers too.

namaste

Tommy Can you Hear Me?

Sometimes I feel like I wake up about the time I get out of my car and walk into work. Like I have been moving in auto-pilot. Getting ready. Getting a child ready. Breakfast for him. Lunch for me. What am I wearing? What is clean? Did I brush my teeth? All these thoughts are running through my head while the "getting ready" process is unfolding. And yet? I still don't feel awake or alive till I walk into my office. (maybe its the promise of coffee... yum).

I do have a reason to be rambling about this. I was walking from the car to the back door of work. I looked down at the keys in my hand, and noticed something. On my key ring is only two keys. The rest of the stuff hanging from my ring are bits of plastic that are coded for various places I land during my daily flight of life. The coded tags from the YMCA, the library, and two grocery stores all hang next to each other on my key ring. I laughed thinking that there is more plastic than keys on my carabiner key ring. My next thought? I am awake, followed by the question, when did I become conscious? Then this song by The Who came into my head. Tommy, can you hear me!? Light goes on and I think, good blog entry.


\That deaf dumb and blind kid, sure plays mean pinball!!!

What is wrong with my head!?

Phone Calls

You know? I love my phone. The ring tone is "I Dream of Jeannie". (I have always wanted to blink my eyes and make things happen.) But, I just don't make enough phone calls. The contract I have on my cell phone gives me an exorbitant amount time. I only use half! I called the company to reduce my rates (a friend of mine has put me on a budget - and I am HAPPY about that). They said, you could get half the minutes for what you are paying now. (seems I opted in at a great time for rates and would be a fool to let go of that amount now.) So people... I am making this a challenge to myself. I must find people that will call me, or I can call. I want to feel like I am getting the most out of my dollar that is flying into the pocket of the execs at T-Mobile.

anyone fancy a chat?

(and who has suggestions on a new style? this one is about to die... pouts.)

So, I didn't

I didn't stay on my diet. I ate and drank quite a bit and had a glorious weekend. My parents came to visit. I took them to my favorite eating spots. We went sightseeing outside for at least a half day each day. They took care of the boy on Saturday so I could go to a crazy party thrown by a coworker. I am not glad to see them go, but happy to have my life back.

I hope someday we all have enough money so they can come and stay for a while. Hope you all had great weekends. And lots of pictures and memories to share.

I will tell some more interesting stories later from work. but for now? Don't you hate having to go back after a few days off?

New Design

I wanted to put up a header of my pictures, then got into creating a new look. I don't know if I am happy about it, but here it is. I hope this new design inspires some more creative writing. I feel a bit like a dry well. All is going fine. Off to spend Memorial Day weekend with my parents that are visiting from Texas. It will be great to see the little man and his uncle playing. And to see him interact with G-ma and PawPaw. It's going to be staying on the diet that is going to be a killer. I have a total beer bash to go to on Saturday! and the g-parents have agreed to watch the baby! :yippeeeladooodahday:

So, leave me a note. Let me know what you think. Give me some feedback. Have a safe yet festive holiday weekend. I know I am. Pictures to follow.

or click on the photo link next week. I will have uploaded as we go! :wink:

Tuesday Woe's

I talked to my good friend Wilene today. She is my rock. The one I turn to when I feel all wobbly inside. She reminded me that I have to end the drama I create in my life to move on. And we also had a long talk about money. We are both in the straights. But we also both see an end in sight. I hate money. Well, I hate that things are so expensive. I wish there was some kind of barter system still set up in this world Services for Services. It wouldn't work for everything, but I am sure that it would work in some areas.

Basically I hate money for all the greed it creates. And for the fact I can't travel to places I want to go. Or have people come and see me.

Dear Money:
I am extending an invitation to you to take residence in my apartment. Please bring a bunch of your relatives along. I promise not to take advantage of you too much.

Signed
woman in need of car repairs and sex

sheesh. I am SO sick of my whining. I could be so much worse off and have been in the past. Thanks again wilene for listening, and being my rock. Love my texas gals and miss their straight shooting conversations.

This explains a lot.

I have nothing to go on today. I have seriously considered just hanging it all up. Throwing in the towel. I have a bad feeling something is going wrong, and I don't know what it is. I HATE that! And everything gets twisted up in it too. I saw this on Mississippi Songbirds Blog. This is a good way to pass the time, kind of.

You Are 80% Intuitive

You are a very intuitive person. And luckily, your intuition is normally right. You're wise enough to know that relying on intuition alone can be dangerous. When your intuition seems really off, you tend to ignore it - and look at the facts instead.

How Intuitive Are You?

yea. I got it like that. :wink:

My Car

I have a great little Nissan Altima. I love that car. It brought me to CA! They run great! Problem: I still have TX plates after being here a year. So I take it in for a smog check. No worries, right? Wrong.

The guy calls me, says, Your knock sensor is out. It sits at the back of the engine. In order to get to it, i have to lift the engine. The book says 6 hours!!!! (labor! YIKES!) Then, an engine mount is broken. Part of the engine is sitting on the frame. YIKES! Then he says, crank angle sensor? (WTF?) that is gone too! Sighs. oh, and the fuel line is damaged and the car is leaking fuel. I wondered about that!

Total estimate: 1100!!!

I dont have that kind of money! I mean I don't even have enough money right now to pay bills! what the heck am I going to do.

*wanders off to find a suitable place to tear the very last hair out of her head. oh and a wig shop that is giving away an old wig.*

Triple A Rescue Pack

Thank you to Tony, the man in blue who rescued me today! This morning started with a yee haw... Woke up late, but we got out the door on time! Arrive at the daycare to drop off my son, and locked my keys in the car! So, called on the trusted Triple A peeps. I swear that is the best $50 you could ever spend. Seriously. I think even if i had a brand spanking new car, I would still give those people money every year, just in case.

Of course the fun part of this was sitting in the daycare (which is actually in this womans home) with the kids, watching Diego (awwww RESCUE PACK, comin' to the rescue)! They are always so enamored when a parent is in the room. Interaction between children really lays out what it is all about. If you don't have kids, spend a day at the park and watch them. It brings about a kind of peace knowing that we all come from these beginnings. And reminds us what the really important things in life are; smiles, tickles, family and friends! And a big cup of water never hurts.

Hope your days are full of smiles and no need for rescue.

The Ball Excercise

Pilates... YEA! Can you say butt and thigh torture? Because that is what it is. And I am totally looking forward to going again tonight. I know that any kind of burn in that area is what I desperately need. It helps that the teacher is a total nut! She sings, laughs, tells stories, makes jokes, and makes it worth going to. Now if I could get myself to do a hundred or more sit-ups a day that sure would help.

Motivation is my biggest struggle. I need someone to encourage me, give me pep talks. Ohh I know, that someone should be ME! :giggles:

Anyone else do pilates? Love it or hate it?

edit: I love that class! I am dying to make it all way through. I will take a before and after picture. come back in one year to see what it looks like! :wink:

Mothers' Day

Was uneventful! Spent some webcam time (my mommies day present from folks) with auntie, went grocery shopping with crying three year old, went to the beach, that was pretty relaxing, got home, made some dinner, and vegged in front of the pre-school DVD TV. (that is what has become of my viewing time.)

Thank God three year old went to bed early. I had a few minutes to myself, and talked to a friend. unfortunately that wound me up and i couldn't sleep. and when I did, it was only for a few hours. Trying to stay physically motivated to day as not to fall into a coma! :lol:

The next two weeks should provide great blogging, as I have company starting wednesday this week, and my parents come into town for a week the following wednesday.

can you say, bye bye personal time!? It's going to be great fun actually! Watch for pics and stories.

thank god I ate lunch. I am feeling much better.

Disrespect

I got into an argument with someone last night, and they hung up on me. This isn't the first time. No matter what happens, don't ever hang up on someone. Especially someone you say you "love". I have done it myself, and regret the consequences.

Turns out that no matter what I say, I am going to be "in the wrong" here. Because my actions are being perceived as something they are not. They are being based on a level of expectations that have nothing to do with me. I have tried to explain my stance, only to be met with, You don't know what you are talking about. (when mostly I was talking about myself).

I don't know where to go from this. I have been disrespected by two people I thought were my friends. I don't know where or how to deal with the pain of that. But I do have to realize that I am only capable of changing myself, and not others.

I hate mondays.

What I want for Mothers Day

I don't want much. Because I don't really like Mothers day. It reminds me that there will be no celebration on Father's Day. And also that some day soon, I will have to try and explain why there is no daddy. So today while I was working out I figured out a few things to ask for on this Mother's Day.

1. I want this stupid F*cking war to be over. What is the purpose of our young men dying? We are not gaining freedom, nor are we gaining lower oil prices. Instead of spending money on this war, why don't we develop affordable energy alternatives to oil?

2. I want one gallon of Bliss Lemon Sage Soapy Sap. mmmmmmm lemon and sage... or just about anything lemon & sage from bliss.

3. MAID! can you hear me universe? I need a maid. Even if its someone that watches austin so I can clean properly... I need some assistance.

4. Some room in my budget for a vacation. yea I need some time off. And a few days away from the pressures of everyday existance as a single parent.

5. Sleep. I have been getting more and more, but.. I would love uninterrupted, no regime, no wake up time sleep.


I am a very lucky woman. I feel so honored and blessed with good health, good friends, and a perfect place I call home. I love my little guy, and just spending time with him is going to be the best mother's day prezzie of all.

What do you other mothers desire? Besides a little peace?

Tagged

So Songbird has tagged me to create a 7 Things meme. She say's its for luck. We will see how that pans out, but, none the less, away we go!

Seven things about me that may surprise you:

1. I was an acolyte in my church. One of the first girls to do this in our church in the 60's.

2. I learned to swim very early. I was on the swim team from age 5- 18, I also lettered for our freestyle relay team. yea. We went to state, and I was one fourth of a winning team.

3. I was in the marching band in Jr. High and orchestra in High School. (do i sound like a geek yet?) I played the flute. I don't own one now, and wish I did. I think music is a religion all its own. I have had many debates on this subject. (since this is the music theme, I also play guitar, and sing. I wish I would do that more often)

4. I was in drama my last two years of High School (including summer theater), I wish I would have started that much earlier in my life, and continued after. I enjoyed all aspects of drama. Set making, rehearsals, and performances.

5. I have moved a lot in my life. I am semi-nomadic, and I love that about myself. It sure has made me realize so much about the people that inhabit our world. All that said, I feel like I have finally settled in a place I could put down some roots. (Had a long talk with myself about that yesterday, look for an upcoming blog)

6. I have an idea of something i would love to accomplish in this life. A business idea that I am working on mentally right now, so it will start growing in the real world. My first project will include many smiles.

7. I truly believe in the universe manifesting everything you need. Even if its bad, there is a reason for everything that happens. It just comes down to the choosing.


and a general note: I love my little man. I hope that we find him a daddy and a sibling someday. His real father is no where to be seen or heard from. Sad that. His loss.

I guess I should tag some pholks. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Loops, Anna, Cindy D, EARL!, Slyde, and Sniper Kitty. These are people I would like to learn more about!

Thanks for playing! Bring it on home bloggers!!

Our Beloved Steve

Has left the building. No more the daily blogger from the Steve Novak.

When I read his last post, it reminded me of this song. Does anyone else absolutely adore Laurie Anderson?


I met this guy
and he looked like might have been
a hat check clerk at an ice rink.
Which, in fact, he turned out to be.
And I said: Oh boy. Right again. Let X=X.
You know, it could be you.
It's a sky-blue sky.
Satellites are out tonight.
Let X=X.
You know, I could write a book.
And this book would be thick enough to stun an ox.
Cause I can see the future and it's a place - about 70 miles east of here.
Where it's lighter.
Linger on over here. Got the time? Let X=X.
I got this postcard.
And it read, it said:
Dear Amigo - Dear Partner.
Listen, uh - I just want to say thanks. So...thanks.
Thanks for all the presents.
Thanks for introducing me to the Chief.
Thanks for putting on the feedbag. Thanks for going all out.
Thanks for showing me your Swiss Army knife.
and uh - Thanks for letting me autograph your cast.
Hug and kisses. XXXXOOOO.
Oh yeah, P.S.
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.
Cause I
I feel
feel like
I am
in a burning building
and I gotta go.

Thanks for the laughs friend. Onward into the real world... Let X=X

Bored!

This is the first time since I have started temping at my company, before I started full time, that I have absolutely nothing to do! I mean I have one little job to complete, which will take me all of an hour, tops.

What I decided this morning is to search for Photoshop tutorials online, and polish up some of my skills. Anyone got a site to link to?

and speaking of bored, can you tell me what is wrong in this picture?



Poor Brad Penny. Its hard to see here, but on the front page of the Santa Barbara News Press sports page, about 3x4 image, Brads drawers are not zipped. May have been an amazing performance, but for some reason the Associated Press decided to distribute this picture almost exposing the cup.

Whats his momma gonna say? :giggles:

Nun Beach Sunday

Nuns on the Beach
Originally uploaded by memsahib 313.

We went to the beach for the day. Got a little crispy, but not too bad. I was so glad to have my little point and shoot digital when the sisters came out to look at and appreciate what a gorgeous day it was today.

I wish I could have talked to them, but they disappeared as quickly as they came.

happy monday to all.

Quack.

How ironic. the MALE was doing all the talking here. She was slightly wagging her tail in protest. I took this picture at Alice Keck Memorial Botanical Gardens. Check out my photo blog for details.

ghosts

i can't blog right now. I have to do private jouraling.

please bear with me.

i will be back.

memsahib

I thought I was half dead.

I am on a diet. So my coworker and I walk to Subway at least once a week. Today was our Weight Watchers meeting. I lost 4.4lbs!! wOOt. Mucho pats on the back for me! I have come a long way this year.

The subway closest to our offices is about 3/4 a mile. A good stretch of the legs. So after our meeting (yea me!) off we go to the Subway where english is the second language. I get in line to get the Monday special. Turkey and Ham. YUMMY! (There are so many stories I have from my walks to this specific subway.) After going through the veggie questions, and pay for our meal, we start to walk outside. I noticed this smallish man in line staring at me. I thought, I shouldn't look at him and lock eyes. Then as I approach and notice he is still staring at me, i realize the truth. The man is checkin out my rack! :giggles:

and here I thought I was an old saggy has been. giggles.

The Loquat

I had a virgin experience today. I ate a loquat. Yum!

The skin is a soft yellow color and very tender. There is not much fruit mostly seed. They are about 1 1/2 inches in diameter. Now I am sitting here wondering how to use these little fruits to make jelly or in a recipe.

I have to get back to cooking at home more often. I love it. And there are so many new varieties of foods here in California, I am robbing my taste buds of some seriously exciting experiences.

Anyone eaten a loquat?

For Some Reason

I have started three of my six dream journals with that exact phrase. I have the worst grammar skills. I guess I never really listened in class. I usually write according to the way I think or speak.

So all you teachers and grammarian word-smiths that peruse my exposure here, please bear with me until I can re-educate myself.

and thank you for your patience.

S. Heart

I wanted to say that I love someone. Sorry that I have been so difficult to get along with lately. Thanks for being there for me. I wish you were here with me. I miss you.


I love you baby.

Bagels

You know what the best part of a bagel is to me? that crunchy skin after it has been toasted. Today is bagel day at the office. And due to the desire to love myself more, I have started eating only half. (I have lost 15lbs to date, and I plan on losing all the weight I need to by this time next year.)

bring on the low fat cream cheese and a toasty bagel please. with sesame seeds. YUMMY!

That Many Visitors? Smiling!!

I started this blog maybe a year ago, when I first moved here (to California). I did it because I was having "Blogger" issues with my old site. Thought starting fresh would be a good idea. And so the continuing saga of my life began.

I signed in this morning, looked down and my counter and I was the 5000 visitor! (I am sure at least 1/3 of that number is hits from me) Now for some of the other bloggers on my list, they reached that their first few months, because they are wittier and more colorful. All that said, I am so thankful to all that pass here bestowing me with their wisdom and insight. You provide me laughter, joy, and allow me to see a part of your life. Thank you for sharing, and letting me share in kind.

I need a pedicure. Its time to update the feet picture in celebration! :wOOOt:

Schnozzler Horn

I live in an apartment complex, and every morning, I can hear my neighbor blowing his nose. Seriously its about 7:30 AM PST there is at least two or three serious honks on the old schnozzler horn. It informs me that its time to be out the apartment and onto the bat cave. Tally ho and away we go.

i am late today. I am still in my pajamas, and the horn is honking. :giggles:

Monday Thoughts.

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up. Pearl S. Buck

I am going to seek therapy. I have bad feelings that I want to go away, and I am incapable of doing that alone. Wish me luck.

the dentist

my son went to his first dentists appointment today. I was prepared for the worst. this kid was a star!

He was polite and positively responsive the whole time. And didn't freak out when she scraped his teeth, put the suction tube in his mouth, or made him bite down on those awful negative plates for x-rays. He is going to go far if he is going to be that open to new experiences and accept them.

I don't know how much of this I am responsible for, but I was so proud. What a stellar little soul. So tolerant. He will have a blessed life with such an attitude. Good for him.

I needed some mindless fun today.

Your Celebrity Boob Twin:

Anna Nicole Smith

Who's Your Celebrity Boob Twin?

ooo dead celebrity boobs... YIKES!

_________________________

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Uniforms

I went over to the YMCA last night to get in a walk, and let the kid play with some kids his own age. (little prayer here: please provide an opening for my child at this pre-school). I put on my comfy pants, and T, and hit the self propelled mat, Plugged into Nano land, and tuned out.

Now as in any good gym, they have televisions that you can watch while you are walking. (in my design vision, i would have made an entire wall of trees, and nature showing while you walk, and play a nature sound track... :giggles:) The televisions are in couples. Two on one end, two in the middle, two on the other end. I was in the middle, so a nice view of the middle couple. On one television was the story of the shootings at Virginia Tech and the other one had the Home Run Derby on ESPN. So I see the cops uniforms on the one side, and the baseball uniforms on the other. I thought how fucking ironic is that! Celebrating talent of home run hitters, and the rewarding sound of the bat cracking, next to the horror of some poor man who had no grasp of reality, and a loaded weapon. What did that sound make? Then I started thinking, and looking at the difference in the uniforms. Each was wearing a uniform necessary for his function. Then, as the rambling of an ADD mind goes on, I thought what kind of uniforms do we all wear?

The poor student who was off balance for whatever reason and went out to rid himself of whatever he perceived was torturing him. What uniform was he wearing at the time? Who did he see himself as? And policemen choose to wear their uniforms. They have a vision that is ingrained, trained and protective. But what kind of uniform do each of us wear?

A spiritual leader wears a uniform to enlighten us to our souls, in connection with a God of your choosing.

A salesman wears the uniform of a provider, a sometimes pushy self preserving provider, but none the less, he provides.

A teacher wears a uniform of learning. A uniform that changes colors as the need for learning changes.

An artist wears a uniform of reflection. Reflecting visions of what they see in a form of non verbal communication.

Do you wear a uniform? Or do you change uniforms as the moment insists? Being a mom, I wear many uniforms. I change during the day to keep up with the whirlwind sponge that lives with me.

Anyway, just a few thoughts I had while treading on the mill of life. :wink:

Vodka

i do love it so. But saturday, I loved it too much. We went to an art show on Saturday night they had outdoors next to my apartment. We decided since we lived so close, that was a great way to spend a windy Saturday night.

There are a few pics on my flikr site, but I am still working on my camera skills. I was kinda glazed over from the drinks, I didn't think to work on the aperture=available light equation. Not going to post them here. If you know me, you know where to look.

Dream journal is up and running though. I really need to put something next to the bed to be more accurate, and to remember more of what I dreamt!

Dayum, sunday was a long one. I hate hangovers. that is why I only drink like that every once in a while. sighs.

SOMETHING FUN:
Go to google maps and get directions from New York, NY to Paris France. Look at number 23 on the list and then laugh. guaranteed that was the highlight of that persons day to write that.

Life

It doesn't come in a perfect shape or size.
It doesn't come with personalized instructions.
It comes at you like it is.

Appreciate its less than fine moments if you can.
They are just as important as the finer moments.
Without them, we have no balance.

I need more balance on the sleeping side though. I feel like the un-dead today. You know its bad when even coffee isn't making a dent.

I started a dream journal. do you know anyone else who does dream journaling? if so, leave me a footprint or a trail to follow. I am interested. thanks.

Mooom....

Stop taking my picture! This was his easter outfit. I hope you all had wonderful holidays.

PS: Please go and give my SISTOR a hug. She is kinda bummed this week. I know her last entry wont say, but, she got some bad news. So just do it. Give that woman a hug.

thank you all.

One more pound

I feel like a turtle on the way to this final weight loss, but I am making progress. I hate dieting with a passion. I like to eat. oh well. time to grow up i guess and be disciplined. blech.

I did though lose one more lb this week! :clap:

sorry I have been so boring lately peeps, i am supremely in the "weeds" as you would say in the restaurant biz.

More laters....

SISTOR!!

Okay. We all have family of some kind. I want you to go and visit my little sister's BLOG. She is just starting up, and could use some encouragement. She is a groovy chick, working on makin a baby, lives in Napa amidst a vineyard and is married to a really cool guy. Some people have all the luck.

Her toes aren't as pretty as mine though.. neener neener!

Think Think Think

I had a great topic while i was driving, then forgot it. Reason? I think toooo much. seriously.

Something about my asthma medicine coming with a new propellant, and how I must be completely uninformed about where the world is going. I listen to NPR in the car for about five minutes between daycare and my job.

I don't get to read anything for any length of time. I have 5 Rolling Stones magazines sitting on my table and a few Vogues too that I would LOVE to go through. I never get to be alone for that matter.

I have not had a moment to myself, even in the bathroom, for about 6 weeks now. Do I sound like a broken record yet?

Two Quotes I saw today (both by geekazoid TR):
How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I'm commited to?

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. - Tony Robbins

I need to work on that. NO... I AM working on that! :clap: (gives herself a big hug)

Hey everybody!

What color are your eyes? Mine are blue.

No more whining.

Please excuse my clone for pouting and pissing in the last entry. what a WHINER!!! You know, you raise the clone from a few good genes, you never expect a mutation. :wink:

:lol:

Frack. tomorrow's Monday again isn't it? gotta get out to the beach for a long walk. seeee ya! (yes, that is Santa Barbara, and I took it)

Sometimes

I just don't fit in. Wait. Isn't that most days? And after trying to relate to a small portion of the planet, I feel like never opening my mouth again. Desiring to just let my images speak for themselves is enough. Thing is, I can't. I hate communication, but for some reason, I am designed to expound. I wish I was more eloquent, but life is as it is. And I keep refining.

The generalization? Either you sink or swim. And mostly lately, I feel like I am treading water. The scariest thing about my situation is I have a beautiful soul needing security. I fight everyday to make the money to keep him, and the sanity to raise him. Frakkkkk. I do fall short of many things I hope to make up to him this year.

Powers that unite us in spirit, release my fears so that I may follow the bold path you have bestowed me with. If I was incapable, I wouldn't be in this position, and yet i question. Allow us both to glean in the wisdom of your decision. Cuz, damn, were in a tight spot!

I Feel Sick...

To my stomach. And someone told me that "false thoughts" are taking control of my life. That is one possibility. Basically? I am tired of relationships, friends or otherwise, where the people on the other side are not completely honest with me. I don't care if its bad news or good news... Just freakin' tell me the truth! It's not like I can't handle it. cha!

Lay it on me people. I am a strong adult woman, and I CAN TAKE IT! :wink:

I love the happy bunny... :giggles:

edit: If i hear myself say the words "kind of" again in a sentence, I may have to wire my mouth shut!!!!

More about Scents...

For some reason, its olfactory week in the mem blog. And so it goes...

I walked into the company bathroom this morning pretty early, after coffee time. And low and behold someone had used a cinnamon air freshener... BLECH!

Can you think of two smells that should never go together?

yea. #2 and cinnamon.

I did NOT take this picture... giggles.

The most beautiful scent

The navel orange tree outside my kitchen window blooms twice a year. once in spring, and once in the fall. It is the most intoxicating scent I have ever smelled. I literally stand and smell the flowers every morning before leaving for work.

Since living here I have started looking for scents in lotions and soaps that have this soft and deep scent, and the addition of lavender, which grows by the steps of my porch. Ah... the nose is an amazing scentual organ. giggles.

Spring Fever...

Oh dear...Oh my... I am finding it hard to think. I have a one track mind. I am trying to focus elsewhere, but the need to be rolling in the hay is seriously taken over my waking mind. Thankfully my dreams are not full of the desires of my body, or I would be completely gone.

I have a college friend that swears this time of year is nearly impossible for him to remain monogamous. And this year? I think its the first time I have really felt that extreme. Sighs. which lead to... more sighs.

Distance sucks emotionally and physically. Where are you companion? I desire your warmth within my reach. I guess another season will come and go before that will happen. sighs... damn springtime.

My Photos

I have my new toy and thoroughly enjoying it. I am not as talented as others, but that will NOT stop me. Take a peek through your own viewfinder every once in a while. It does change the way you see the world.

I have seen that a few people on Flickr have started Photo Journals. I know its not too late to try, so my goal is to take at least one photo a day. That will get my eyes trained to see things in a different perspective again. Watch here for results.

WW Mondays - baby steps!

More good news. Down 1.6 this week. And I found out that we are going to continue our series at work for another 13 weeks!

I should be able to get a good head start on this years total by continuing to go at work. Then, I plan on continuing at the goleta center.

After a birthday week of complete enjoyment, I still lost weight. Amazing. I am back on plan and going to exercise as much as possible.

in my best Don La Fontaine voice: This time its for REAL! :lol:

VISUAL DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Thanks Becca. I love this! I wish it was permanent fixture. try it. fun stuff.

B-day, March 13, again!

the yearly celebration of my creation.
a celebration of the exit from the womb.
a celebration of the first air in your lungs.
you know, life starts much earlier than that day.
it starts the day two people experience that union
that combines elements to make one being.
too bad I am not getting any of that action lately... POUTS!

If I had a birthday wish that I knew would come true, it wouldn't be that one anyway. I have bigger dreams. Larger visions right now, Future visions. Walking my wilderness with a new pair of eyes. I have a little one that needs to soar, and I gotta build a plane so we can travel. You know, kinda like that kinda dream. :wink:

Well, at least I have one thing I can celebrate! I DID IT! I made it here. I am surviving well, making things happen, and loving life most of the time, which for my genetically bipolar mass is a huge accomplishment in itself. Cheers!

Off we go... to the next rodeo... :whistle:

Save Internet Radio

Okay music lovers. There is a real threat to independent radio programmers on the World Wide Web. Please educate yourself and make waves to stop the big business/government gouging of radio station owners/operators.

Save our Internet Radio.

A few other links that you may find useful: Copyright Board
A possible cause for this current wave of greed is here.

How many times do we have to learn the same lesson? Robbing us of our art and culture choices, little by little via financial demands. Sometimes I am so embarrassed to be an American. Shamed. Please people. do what you can to make a change. Think, act, live!

off soapbox now. Let me know what you have heard about this issue. And spread the word. Please, spread the word.

If you have a chance, check out the beloved station Radio Paradise. You won't be sorry.

A more defined explanation from Mississippi Songbirds blog:
On Friday March 2nd 2007, the Copyright Royalty Board announced new
royalty rates for Internet Radio stations. The rates are retroactive to January of 2006. The new rates are far higher than any industry experts expected. In fact, if they remain unchanged, bankruptcy looms for many online radio stations.

The new rates essentially levy a tax of $0.0011 per performance. Now, that doesn't sound bad does it. But consider this. Each hour, the average radio station plays 16 songs. So that's about 1.76c per hour, per listener. A station with 500 listener average would be hit with fees of $211 per day, $6,336 a month or $76,000 a year.

This amount of money is beyond the resources of all but the very wealthiest of corporations. Many of the internet radio stations are run by enthusiasts and hobbyists. These small stations are the ones bringing new music, and old favorites to you every day. Music you can't hear on
corporate-owned terrestrial stations.

What can you do?
If you enjoy internet radio, you need to make your feelings known right now to your representatives in the Congress and Senate. Write to them and ask them to help repeal the decision of March 2nd by the Copyright Royalty Board. It only takes a couple of minutes.

Congress: http://www.house.gov/writerep/
Senate: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

More background on this decision
http://www.digmedia.org/docs/Press%20Release%2010-31-05.pdf
http://www.digmedia.org/docs/CRB%20Arbitration%20FAQ.pdf
http://www.kurthanson.com/archive/news/030207/index.shtml
Broadcastlawblog http://www.savenetradio.org/archive.htm

Broadcasters Go Here and join the cause http://webcastersunite.net

Sex

Ever had one of those nights where all you dreamt about is sex? Sighs. I even dreamt I went back in time and had sex. And unfortunately, it wasn't the "oh my gosh I feel so relaxed" kind either. Maybe I am just about to get screwed... and not in a sexual way. :eyeroll:

Okay. had to get that out of my vision. thanks for your patience. Nothin else to see here. move along. :wink: