The Nightmare

I was uber uber tired last night. So tired I went to sleep at 8:30 pm. I fell asleep immediately and slept all night long. I had some tumultuous visions. I have to get this one down on paper.

I was at a big party that someone invited me to. it was a roaring twenties party. All the girls were dressed in satin fringed swing skirts. The guys in suits, etc. They were having it in a huge building/warehouse style. We wandered floors and floors of party people, drinking smoking with cigarette holders, etc. Outside the building was a huge field with a concrete center. There was a band playing, lights were strung up all over the place. The person I was with was talking to me the entire time, saying, see them? They think they are so smug, etc. He was saying all kinds of seriously negative and damning things. I wasn't afraid as much as I was confused why he was taking me along with him, showing me all these people.

We reached the top of a building and he pointed to the grassy area and said to me, "Keep your eyes focused here. I am going to show you something. We have a great power, and we are going to use these people to prove a point. They need to be made an example of. Lessons will be learned". That's when I got scared. He pointed to the middle of the field and it started to open up and people began falling into the hole. You could see the red glow of lava inside the hole. Then the building started to slide into the hole as well. We had started floating into the sky watching this all the while. I was reaching for people but wasn't "allowed" to help anyone. He was holding me back with some kind of force. I sat and watched as the building and all the people sank into the earth. then the earth closed up over them and it was silent. Just a sink hole where they all used to be. I was numb.

He took me back to the building/hotel we were staying at. We got into bed together, and I was trying to get a good visual look at him to see what was this evil force so I could avoid it when I woke up. There never was a clear picture of his face, I knew it was a man by his voice. I don't believe that I have ever had that kind of dream that was directed by a demon. It makes me wonder what has changed in my life that drew that into my dreams. I wasn't even that scared being next to him either. Just watching and wondering what the real story was. He told me a lot of things while we laid in bed at the hotel, but mostly I remember him saying something about control. And my mind thought I need to get out of this bed and out of this room. So I did.

I was met by the "landlady". She took my hand and showed me the other rooms offering me some solstice from that scene. All i could think was I need to get outside!!!!! I finally did. Can't remember the weather. I remember thinking wow. that was totally intense and I need to write that down.

Now I sit and retype it all out thinking of that party and the hole. How can you feel safe if you have such crazy images in your mind nightly? Maybe its a good way to start a story. I slept GREAT which even disturbs me more.

What do Kids Know?

Our morning began with the investment of filling up my gas tank, then stopping at the doughnut shop for his breakfast. I mentioned to my son, maybe we should get a few extra doughnut bites for his buddy N.

The lil guy says, "If he is at school" then pulls his long face and a sigh.

I said, "I bet he is back today. He has been out a long time".

Sure enough he was. We walk in and N's mom says we were just talking about you! Funny how they were kind of shy at first. Following with smiles and sharing books and stories. Interesting to watch them interact, building a "best friend" ship with each other. He had been out sick all week long. They missed each other so much, we had to have a 45 minute phone call the other night. They were making farting noises, laughing, talking about Spiderman and the Power Rangers. The little guy has even made a friend with the little girl that lives upstairs. But she is no N.

After realizing I no longer existed in my sons eyes for the moment, I left for work. N has a little sister G. She is about one year old. N's mom and I were walking to the parking lot talking about our getting together for the weekend, what times, etc. G looks at me and reaches her little arms out for a hug wanting me to hold her. What a sweetie. Holding little beings just so they can be held and loved is so relaxing. And affirming.

What do children know? They know how to live in the moment. Be in that space comfortably and assuredly. Something most adults find difficult to do. Today I affirmed a long ago decision that I want to work with children somehow. They aren't simple and easy, but they sure do have a loving touch. And its normally unconditional. A little more expensive than a pet, but well worth it for the education.

go git one yursef. or even better, make one. *giggles*


weekend news:

I hope you all have wonderful weekends. Mine starts with the festival at the mission with my good friends J & C. Then as you know, a cook out. Then Sunday... the long awaited Indiana Jones movie! (love that song. LOVE it) and then playing in the park and an early night. And Monday? The relaxing sounds of the waves. all... day... long!!!!!

take care and make memories. I will be here on Monday for a memorial day post. ciao.