Ima-Fish

Last night at 3:30 am, the stirring of my man woke me up. He rose from bed for whatever reason, even though I sleep like a monster, snoring and drooling, the simplest movement in my environment wakes me up. After that happens, I remain awake, well cuz it’s the middle of the night and I have some overactive thinking to do in the dark. You know the drill.

What came to my mind last night was, he is not making any significant noise and yet, I was stirred from slumber. Is there something I don’t see about myself that is there? I started thinking about my sign, Pisces. Moon is a water sign… Rising sign? You guessed it. Water. Water. Water.

Then I tried to do as ole’ Arthur of the round and imagined myself as a fish. Where do fish live? How quiet is that? What do they think? How do they react? Etc. Is it possible, that any buzzing around in my environment makes waves that I pick up on? How sensitive am I to the world around me? In so many ways it is a bonus characteristic of my effectiveness as a human. In other ways, its hell on the mechanics of the “house” my soul resides in, always aware of the waves that surround me in any form. I pick up on more than I wish. I have developed a wall that I can erect when I feel overwhelmed. I fear that is cutting me off from what I need to see as well as keeping me in a quiet place. Also how is it helping others when I am not my true self? This re-opened up a door for me.

Tangential connection, can’t figure out why, this morning I noticed a coworker didn’t seem their chipper bright-eyed self. I queried and found out the issue. Instead of being my empathetic self, I was bitter and cynical. I want to apologize to that person and let them know it’s always hard to lose something unexpectedly. Trying to regain footing when a dream dies is a harsh sleepless session. Keep focused on recovery, and not the regret. No one is wrong during these times, its just not meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Believe in the future and the right things coming along. Believe me. I have tested it and survived, as have others. Depend on your friends; they usually give you everything you need during this time. Do as much writing as you can, and don’t listen to ANY Damien rice. HA!

And in the words of the infamous dori (thank you Disney and Ellen), Keep on swimming, what do we do? We swim.