Living with Ghosts

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.
Maya Angelou

Today this phrase/title, Living with Ghosts, came to me as i sat down to work. I am reflecting on a late night conversation. One I am not sure that I made myself clear enough in. One of the resons is I find myself living my life in the past, past experiences and past choices that reflect in a tired single mom's speech when she can't possibly have one more conversation that reflects her intelligence. Each day is an opportunity to pull myself out of that wreckage by choices. Choices in each moment. Like continuing to breath... yea that is a choice I have to make some days. The older we get, the more the floor is covered with the past, and the more I have to scuffle through the scraps of memontos and place it in the right files... making sure to pick up all the little post its, moments of sorrow, organizing it so I dont have to come back to it AGAIN! Some days, I just dont want to look at it. Those are the days I retreat into someone elses words to find comfort. (can i tell you how much i miss painting! my therapy is on hiatus. Not for long).

The album Living with Ghosts is fabulous. If you like Patty Griffin, or even if you don't, pick up a copy of this one. The lyrics are amazing. The songs on here to me seem transitionally based. Some people may find her to be a bit depressing. I find that listening to the insights of someone who so eloquently puts pain into small digestable rivers of vision feeds my own transitional fears and soothes the doubts in a comforting process. You know, like music always does? Do you love Patty or what?

It's funny how a morning turns a love to shame
Disguised and disfigured and you thought I tasted like rain
There`s nothing here but a shadow nothin here
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
There's nothin here but the shadow, and now you know

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

I can chew like a cannibal
I can yell like a cat
I even had you believing that I really really like it like that
But there was never a moment
Not a moment
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
Now you know
You ever got within a hundred million miles of my soul

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
And I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

You left open the window till the morning
And the winter walked in
Reality fired her wooden bullet
Splintered under our skin
They say I'm walking on freedom
This is freedom
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
Now I know
I still don't blame you for leaving,baby
It's cold living with ghosts

I spit, I spit in the eye
I tear, I tear out my heart
and I scatter the bits
I stay unseen by the light
I stay untold by the truth
I'm sold by a lie
By this I am able in all of my travels
To make these memories quit
But tonight I clearly recall every little bit

Every Little Bit ~ Patty Griffin

Deep cleansing breaths... I need to go and do some watercolors. You all have a pleasant weekend, make memories that don't have to be swept up and organized. Memories that hang on the wall. Beautiful pictures to look at in your golden years. Life is too short to be a janitor in your own body all the time. Keep it simple and enjoy!

namaste!