Hunger

Why do I feel like I am hungry all the time? What is it that I am lacking in my life that makes me want to fill this void with food? I can tell you its not an actual "need to eat". But something I spoke out loud this weekend really got me. I was talking to a friend over the weekend about smoking and said, "Cigarettes no longer have power over me". Immediately after saying that, a light went off in my head. Food. Food has power over me. What are the elements that surround that? Why is that so?

Main reason, we all have to eat at some point to maintain proper functioning. The wonderful tastes in my mouth are sensual, sublime, and provocative even. I enjoy food and all the aspects that surround it. But there are limits. I am overweight. I am compromising my health because I won't say no to excessive calorie intake. I don't make "my power over the food" a choice. There are few tricks I have relearned over the last year, from getting involved with Weight Watchers again, that seem to assist me in this dieting.

One of them is portion control. After getting on Lexapro, and on a more even level with my emotions, I am feeling more in control of this one. I am actually having moments when I realize I am eating out of emotion, and actually CARE that I am doing that to myself. (Before, I just put it down to, no one gives a shit about me (including me) why does it matter if I eat everything.) I let myself have things I crave more in moderation. There are times when I eat more than I should, but realize this is setting me back. I have to make choosing wisely the habit/norm.

Another factor that works for me in losing weight? Exercise! I have not been to the gym in 6 weeks, and I feel like a sloth because of it. I can't tell you how important getting in regular exercise is for me. I notice such a huge difference if I go there at least three times a week, if not four. My breathing is much better. My agility level steps way up (i like that one, devilish snicker here). Circulation, sleep, managing stress, its all so much better when I Exercise. Why don't I do that? :sighs:

Ok. so back to my original intent for writing this. That statement, "has no power over me", opened up the door of understanding my "addiction" to food. I have started looking at it in a whole new way. I wish I had time I would do a food diary. Write down what I eat, how I feel while I am eating it. Was I hungry when I decided to eat this, etc. But right now? I haven't started a parenting journal I am supposed to be writing. Blog entries from the parenting classes I am getting, 2 behind there. I have a studio apartment full of boxes and furniture I can barely get around. I have uvulitis. My son needs me. NEEEDS me... I can't enjoy my picture taking or study the two books my wonderful friend sent me. I am a spread thin.

BUT!!! This idea merits some support. I will have power over food in choosing ME! Whatever that takes. One step at a time, I will become thinner, more confident, and more agile. Because that is what I WANT!

Send wishes, prayers and strength. Also, suggest any tips you think work for you while you are "under the influence of food". Thanks for sticking with me here.